A Fight to Remember

Zola, Bailey, and Ferryboat Scrubcaps Pt. 1

Enjoy!

Meredith

I floated in timelessness. Semi-aware, but unable to push the curtains open. Things softly became more tangible, however. I felt him first. His weight, his warm breath on my neck. He was there. He shifted and squeezed my hand.

You're everywhere. All the time.

I had to... I wanted to tell him... Tell him... Did I just squeeze his hand?

"Meredith? Meredith, can you hear me?"

Saying things.

"Meredith, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand."

I'm trying! Responding was like swimming in Jello, damn neruons. What the hell was wrong with my brain? When he kissed my knuckles, I imagined curling my fingers. Squeezing, reassuring... But nothing happened.

Dammit! Stupid Alzheimer's! I love him so much, I-

Oh. I squeezed his hand again. How did that happen?

It's like I was drowning and you saved me.

"...here Meredith... right here...can do this..." I heard his desperate whisper.

It's okay, I wanted to say. Words weren't working, so I opened my eyes. Wet warmth spilled down my cheek as I took in his worried countenance.

He lit my heart.

I reached for him, I love you.

"Hi," he smiled, brushing a strand of hair from my eyes.

Hey.

"Oh Mere," he shook his head as he leaned in, "Mere." The relief in his wet gaze was palpable.

It's okay, I tried to say, I'm okay.

"Do you remember what happened?"

I blinked, suddenly pulled to another place, another time.

"What happened to you?" I heard from somewhere far away. My mother's voice echoed between the hollow spaces in my brain. "The Meredith I knew was a force of nature. Strong. Focused. A fighter." Now it was closer, grating in my ear. "What happened to you? You've gone soft. Stammering about a boyfriend and saying that you're waiting to be inspired? Are you kidding me? I have a disease for which there is no cure, I think that would be inspiration enough!" she boomed, assaulting me with her words.

I spun from the attack, opening the large front door to my house and slamming it behind me. Safety. Leaning against it, I caught my breath. I was home... safe. But a familiar woman looked up from the couch and waggled shiny, newly painted red toenails. "You've got a choice to make..." she said. Didn't I make this choice already? Was my mind playing tricks? I know, I thought. I want to try. I don't want to forget anymore.

"Try again." Another voice, another person... "I love you, Meredith Grey. Don't die." but the name escaped me. Who?

My Person.

I won't. I promised like I did before, like I did so many times. Something was missing. These missing pieces of my life... I had to find them. I want to see them, I begged. But who?

xxx

Something was being pulled from my palm. Soft, worn fabric. It was being pulled from my fingers. No. I tightened my grip.

"Meredith?"

Why was he here? I thought... Did I get blown up? Didn't I die? No... wait. I'm still alive. I opened my eyes a crack and saw him.