Charlie(mind) 4: please someone fucking help me

Medieval Strip Club

Joseph huffed some opium, shouted, "WOOO!!!", and then passed it enthusiastically to Gonzo. "No, now that doesn't seem like a good idea-" Endie began fearfully, but it was too late; Gonzo had already taken a hefty huff of the crushed opium, and his pupils dilated massively as he leapt to his feet, grabbed his comically large fish, and devoured it whole. The fish was twice his size, but his jaw dislocated horrifically and throat stretched impossibly to accommodate the enormous tuna. It vanished into his body, and somehow, Gonzo showed no signs of being bloated; he was completely back to normal. He grinned vacantly, twitched, giggled, and then screamed, "BONELESS WHITE MEAT!!! What?! I mean I'm not hungry!! I don't wanna eat any of you!!" Suddenly Gonzo slapped himself across the face and shouted, "What happened? What? What? What?" He asked frantically as he looked around, fidgeting with his fingers. "Barnyard." Gru smirked knowingly with a deep, rumbling chuckle. "Ayo P.H, who are these guys?" Dart whispered, nodding discretely towards Gru and Gonzo. "I like how me and Endie are normal compared to them." Joseph mused as Pyramid Head passed Dart a bottle of whiskey. "Honestly, when it really comes down to it, I don't fully know who those two are. I just know Gonzo was some fucking puppet muppet motherfucker, and Gru was the dude with a minion army who stole the moon one time, I know nothing about his backstory, or if his backstory is even true. It's probably fabricated... who are you?" Pyramid Head queried, turning to Gru. Gru smirked monstrously, inhaled furiously through his cavernous nostrils, and then bellowed, "My loins burn for ogre!!"
Pyramid Head punched him squarely in the face, and Gru, only because he allowed it to happen, fell unconscious and collapsed backwards to the floor of the cell with a serene smile. Then he pissed himself, and his flammable piss snaked across the stone floor towards the blazing campfire. "Shit, it's gonna-!" Pyramid Head yelled, but he was cut off as Gru's highly flammable piss made contact with the campfire and burst into flame, creating a towering wall of fire in the jail cell. Dart screeched in bewildered terror and leapt onto the wall, claws gouging trenches in the stone. "Shit, put it out or break down the door!!" Joseph shouted, looking around frantically. Endie simply screamed and teleported instinctively, appearing outside the prison cell as Pyramid Head stomped on the flames. However the fire was towering and relentless, and Pyramid Head's stomping only slowed it's spread, and didn't put it out. He ripped off part of the apron he'd acquired a while ago in Los Angeles (the ER, to be exact) and threw it over the fire, before stomping on that, which finally managed to extinguish the flames. Endie teleported back to join the others, coughing hysterically as he appeared in the cell; it was insanely smokey at this point, and since a couple grams of Joseph's goblin weed had been eaten up in the blaze, the smoke was heavy with THC. Very soon, everyone in the room was completely zooted. "God damnnn... my brain is gone." Pyramid Head slurred, slumping to the floor. It was so hotboxed in the cell that you could barely see your hand in front of your face. "My eyes hurt." Endie croaked, who was laid shivering on the floor looking miserably at the extinguished fire. Pyramid Head noticed his own breath pluming into clouds out of the hole in his pyramid, and held out his palm as he incanted, "Ignem invocavero." Sparks shot from his open hand, and the campfire burst into flame. "Woah... where did you learn to do that?!" Endie asked. "An old friend." Pyramid Head replied with a sigh, reminiscing the old times with Bongblast Crumplestein; those were the days. Endie thought that Pyramid Head must've seen him shivering, and felt his heart beat to the rhythm of the Minecraft cat music disk. He teleported over to lie next to Pyramid Head near the fire, huddling beside it in the foetal position and chugging more whiskey in the hopes that it would keep in warm in the dank, dark, cold dungeon. It was now about 8 o'clock at night, and being winter in Charlie's fantasy realm, the sky had grown dark; warmth was scarce in the medieval prison. Even Dart, who had crippling pyrophobia and was from the upside down, huddled beside the fire for warmth, following Endie's lead and downing an entire bottle of whiskey. Joseph Merrick reached into his jacket and pulled out yet another bottle of whiskey, and Pyramid Head turned to him and said, "I know I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but where the fuck do you keep getting all of this fucking booze?!"
"Oh, before I got high on opium, woke up at the ER, and met you lot, I was smuggling massive quantities of unlicensed whiskey across the continent in the lining of my jacket. Since I already look odd in tailored clothes, the bottles in my jacket simply blended in with my unorthodox form, especially when I was wearing my massive theatrical cloak." Joseph explained. "That's pretty fuckin' badass." Pyramid Head replied. "I'm nearly out of whiskey now though, I'm afraid." Joseph informed him, and Pyramid Head slumped in disappointment, before a half-formed idea popped into his intoxicated mind. "Hey, I just had a great idea," He slurred gleefully, "Let's break out of this prison and go to a tavern."
"So true!!" Dart shouted, yanking his chain out the wall with ease. "Yeah, it would be warmer there." Endie said, teeth chattering. "Aren't you from the End? Isn't it like, -10 degrees there 24/7?!" Pyramid Head snapped. "Yeah, but here's it's what, -30?! This is fucking arctic, even for the End!!" Endie shouted back. "Strip club." Gru leered. "Agreed, I'm bored of this cell now. Come on." Pyramid Head instructed, stumbling to his feet. Everyone else got up to follow, and Dart almost fell over before saying, "Holy shit, I didn't realise how fucked up I was until I stood up... holy shiittt..."
"Me too, oh god... there's no way we can break out of a prison like this!!" Endie cried, clutching a wall for support. "Who said anything about breaking out?" Gru queried with a grotesquely mischievous smirk, and then, in the blink of an eye, all six of them were teleported to a medieval strip club.