I Fell So Hard That I'm, Killing Myself <3

Your face is pale, Your bodies cold...

I was running, running so fast my legs should ache, but they didn’t. I couldn’t feel my body. I felt sick and tired and hurt and venerable all at the same time but i kept running. Down the long road. I have to find her. I have to. But suddenly i stopped. No. No don’t do this! I thought. This happenes every time. I looked down. My body seized up, and locked down. I know whats going to happen now. Like always, the car is going to swerve up he road towards me, but i wont move a muscle. It did. I looked up at the car one last time and my blonde fring fell into my eyes. I wiped it away with my long slender finger and felt one last grin tug on my lips as one last tear fell from my eye. And i let out a small cry before everything went dark.

I woke up screaming into my pillow. Again. Like always.

*IIIII MISS YOU! IIII MISS YOU! SO FAAAARRRR, AND THE COLISION OF YOUR KISS THAT MADE IT SO HARD. That made it so haaaaaaarrrr-*

I slammed my, small and nail bitten, hand down on my phone on my bed, turning off the alarm, and let out a groan before flopping over onto my back, panting. The hot, Nevada sun was bursting through my window lighting up the whole room and warming my face instantly.

I wiped the small tears out of my eyes and climbed out my bed. Another day in Las Vegas i thought to my self and went for a shower to start the day. It was normal now. To wake up pulling my hair screaming, crying, shouting. I have the same dream almost every night.

I dream that I'm her. Brianna. And i feel, everything. From the touch of my hand on my fore head to the hot tarmac beneath my bare worn feet. I feel it all so clearly, as if I'm her. Ugh, its so stupid. I don’t know why i just cant move on like everybody else seems to be doing.

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped my self in a towel before putting teenagers by mcr on the radio. I love this song, it’s so powerful and crazy. I sang along loudly as i pulled out clothes for today. I ended up with my black shorts with black tights and electric blue fishnets on top. I threw on a zebra print t-shirt and all of my bracelets to top it off. I puffed up my hair, put on some eyeliner and slid on my pink converse and my mcr hoodie and i was ready.

I skipped down the stairs happily singing headfirst for halos to myself, when i saw my mom in the kitchen.

‘MOMMY!!!’ i giggled. She jumped and turned around laughing.

‘You ready to go get paint?’ she asked. Ooooooo i cant wait!

‘Yeah! COME ON COME ON COME ON!!!’i started jumping up and down laughing. Why is she taking so longggg?

'i want to get some stuff for a bird mansion' she squeeled not taking her eyes off a 'garden and home' magazine in her hands. I looked over and noticed a huuuuge a$$ bird house, or 'mansion' as she says.

'Ok. But only 1!' i said shakking my finger at her like i was her parent.

She laughed at me and got up grabbing her purse off the counter.

'Well come on then!' she said.

'Eeeeeeep!' i squeeled running to the car, and we left. Finaly.

********************************

‘So, hows about those boys eh?’ my mom asked suddenly.

‘What about them?’ i asked looking out the window, pretending to be not interested at all.

‘Kinda cute wernt they?’ she said tickling my thigh making me giggle.

‘Moomm!!!’ i laughed

‘What?! They were! Its fact!’ she winked

‘That's disgusting. Youre 39! You cant have them! What about dad?!’ i asked shocked. What the hell?!

‘Not for me! ....for you’ she giggled. Yes, she giggled. My mom acts like she's 15... disturbing.