Accepting You

Chapter Seven

"When are you going to get over it?" Sarah pushed herself against Asiya's locker, causing it to shut.

Asiya released a deep breath, increasing the space currently inside her.

Her study leave started in a week, which meant exam season started in a week, and her first exam, History Paper One, was in two.

Asiya spent almost every minute revising and reciting lesson notes and facts from her flashcards.

She had been doing past papers every night until her wrists cramped, and her body gave up supporting her as she crashed into sleep.

She planned essay question after essay question and submitted one to each of her teachers for marking every other day.

Asiya felt like she was barely here.

Each morning, when she lifted her head at Fajr time, she felt like she was respawning, burping back into her life on her last.

Asiya felt like she was starting from the beginning because she was repeating the same patterns and reliving the same anxiety of freezing in the exam hall and forgetting everything she had learned.

She felt like she wasn't making any progress either because she didn't know what to expect or if her preparation was worth it.

"I'm over it," Asiya said, facing Sarah as she leaned against a locker.

"Then why aren't you replying to my messages? You've also been ignoring me in the group chat with Olivia!"

"I'm not ignoring you."

Asiya wasn't. At least not intentionally. She just had nothing left to give Sarah. She had no time, energy or responses left for her.

Everything that Asiya had had been emptied into her exam prep and Asiya was reserving the little she had left for her exams.

"It wasn't that deep," Sarah reminded.

"I know," Asiya nodded.

"Yusuf hasn't said anything. I don't think he cares."

"I know."

"I only have a week till my first exam."

"I know."

"Asiya, if we don't speak properly now, we won't get to speak again for months."

"I know."

Sarah was whining like not speaking to each other was detrimental to their relationship, but she had forgotten that they had done it before.

The silent treatment was Sarah's go-to. Her first, second and back-up plan. It was Sarah's way of pushing people away but without the force that would keep them away permanently.

When people were imprisoned in Sarah's silent limbo, they were far away from her, but close enough to get a glimpse of her.

They weren't privy to her secrets, but they knew some of them. Like dogs on a leash, they could walk, run and hop away from her, but they couldn't leave her.

The tongue was powerful, and its effects weren't only felt whilst it moved. Sarah knew this, and she used it.

The girls hadn't spoken over Summer, yet Sarah had pulled up outside Asiya's house on September 6th like they had spoken every single day.

Asiya was sure that if and when she did want to give their friendship the energy Sarah demanded, the opportunity to do so would be there.

Asiya wasn't ending their friendship, but she had decided to prioritise her exams.