Love to Hate You

H.A.T.E.U.

I was so creepy. I was so fucking creepy.

I slammed my van door, cursing myself and feeling stupid. I hadn't even gotten the album I had lied about being there for. I started back towards the trailer, turning the Iron Maiden album in my stereo as loud as I could.

When I had left school, my mind was racing with thoughts of Victoria. How she smelled, how angry she made me, how I had wanted to kiss her. My confusion was tampered with waves of fury at the thought of her and Steve together. Was she going to have fun with him? Would he kiss her? I was driving myself crazy.

I had gotten into my van with the thought to drive aimlessly to distract myself but felt myself drawn to the mall. I sat outside for a whole thirty minutes, gnawing at my thumb and wondering if I should go home. I didn't, though. I jammed my fists in my pockets and meandered around the mall, pretending like I wasn't looking for her. I ducked into some clothing store when I saw them, Steve holding her hand.

I smiled when I noticed how fake her smile was – she was bored. I felt my stomach drop when they stopped in front of the record store. Steve was close to her, and I was full of an emotion I couldn't name. When he left her, my feet were possessed, and I couldn't stop myself from following her into the store.

I grinned when I saw what section of the store she went to – I was surprised that she liked rock music. When I had got to her, she smelled incredible. She was pretty, too – dressed up and make up more pronounced than usual. I couldn't stop myself from complimenting her.

Creepy. You creepy asshole.

You were supposed to hate Victoria Davis. She hates you. She drives you crazy. She's annoying, and harsh, and a goodie-two-shoes, and smart, and thoughtful, and funny, and pretty.

What the hell?

I shook my head hard and raced back home. As soon as I got to the trailer, I lit a joint and tried to calm down. I was losing my mind. A month ago, I delighted in torturing her. Now I couldn't stop thinking about her and how she looked in that dress. I hated myself. You creepy asshole.

I laid down in my bed, desperate to fall asleep. I was excited and anxious about seeing her tomorrow. I hoped she wouldn't be as creeped out as she should be by me crashing her date. I drifted off, still plagued with my confusing thoughts.

---

"Hey – aren't we doing English stuff today?"

I snapped my head towards Victoria, shocked that she was talking to me. I had gotten to school late, so we didn't get to talk in first period. I almost choked on my apple as I nodded profusely, clambering up. Hellfire laughed as I almost fell out of my chair, and I tried to play it cool.

"Victoria Davis?" Dustin asked, standing as well. She turned to him and smiled, nodding her head. She looked great today – hair up in a bouncy ponytail and light overalls over a striped shirt. Dustin came over to her and my stomach sank. The last thing I needed was him embarrassing me further. He stuck his hand out.

"I'm Dustin Henderson – Eddie's protégé," he said, introducing himself. I flushed as she laughed and took his hand.

"Well, that's disappointing – you seem like you are of stronger moral fortitude than Munson," she joked. The entire table laughed, and I glared at them. Victoria dropped Dustin's hand and started towards our normal table for English lessons. I slid onto the bench with her and watched her as she pulled The Great Gatsby out again. I cleared my throat.

"So, how was your big, mall adventure with Boring-ton?" I asked, trying to sound snarky. She glanced at me, raising an eyebrow.

"You mean the date you stalked me on?" she asked, her tone biting. My face flushed and I tried to play it cool.