Love to Hate You

I Hate Myself For Loving You

I closed my car door, sighing heavily. I didn't want to go to school. The last few days had been uneventful – Jason was seemingly terrified of me now – and I desperately missed Eddie. He had finally listened to me, giving me space, and a small part of me hated it, even though I knew I needed it.

"Hi, hello!" Robin greeted, throwing her arms up. I smiled and leaned into her when she set an arm around my shoulder. She started blabbering about something, gesticulating wildly with her other arm, and I glanced around as we walked into school.

My eyes locked with Eddie's. He was outside of the school, leaned against the brick wall and smoking. His nerds were talking to him, but like me, he wasn't paying any attention. He licked his lips and smiled nervously at me. I returned it, remembering how it felt when he would smile into my neck and kisses.

"Have you guys still not talked?" Robin asked, bringing me out of my thoughts. I flushed and shook my head.

"No, I told him I needed space," I answered. I looked at her and she furrowed her brows.

"And he's still been giving it to you?" she questioned. I was confused – she sounded angry for some reason.

"Yeah? I thought that would make you happy," I replied. She dropped my shoulders and appeared to be lost in thought.

"I just don't understand," she said quietly. I stared at my best friend, bewildered.

"Alright, weirdo. I've got to get to class," I remarked, still confused. She nodded, not looking at me, and I shook my head before heading to English.

I settled into my normal spot and tried not to watch the door. I hated how I wanted to see Eddie, even if it was just a moment. The bell rang and he just made it, trotting in last minute. He looked at me and I snapped my head down, not wanting to tempt my butterflies. He had been good about sitting in his old spot, three chairs down for me. Today, though, he changed his mind.

He plopped down next to me, dropping his books on the desk. I willed myself to stare straight ahead. I smelled him – the woodsy cologne I had liked so much – and realized that he was leaning close to me.

"Elizabeth Bennett's a bitch," he said quietly. I turned to him, trying not to smile.

"You just don't like independent women," I replied, trying not to flirt. He rolled his eyes.

"Of course, you took her side – she's a nightmare," he whispered. I felt a flash of annoyance and scoffed.

"Let me guess – your favorite character was Mr. Collins," I sniped. His eyes widened and he smiled.

"Did you just use Pride and Prejudice to insult me?" he asked. I shrugged and he chuckled lowly. "You're such a dork."

I smiled and looked away. I missed this. I missed teasing him while he would grab my waist and kiss my temple. But I needed to keep my head on straight – just because I missed it, doesn't mean it was real for him.

"Did you want to archive today?" he asked. I didn't look at him and shook my head.

"No, I don't think so," I answered, disappointed to not have an excuse to spend time with him. He groaned and I stared straight ahead.

"You know, we'll have to archive in, like, two days."

"So, I'll see you in two days," I replied, trying to keep my tone from being harsh. I felt his stare and felt a surge of annoyance. "Quit with your staring."

"Then quit ignoring me!" he whined. My eyes flashed and I turned to him, suddenly furious.

"I haven't been ignoring you, Munson – I've actually been quite pleasant with you," I hissed. "You just can't stand it when everything isn't on your terms."