Love to Hate You

Baby Hates Me

I punched the steering wheel of the van, driving recklessly back to the trailer. I was sick to my stomach, furious at everything and everyone and mostly myself. I slammed on the brakes when I got to the trailer, parking terribly and not caring. I slammed the car door and stormed in.

I went to the kitchen, throwing the fridge door open and grabbing a beer. I opened it and chugged it, wanting to numb everything.

"Nephew – maybe you try to hide your drinking from me," Wayne said, suddenly appearing in the doorway. I narrowed my eyes and crushed the can in my hands, throwing it in the sink. Wayne watched me, puzzled. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I snapped, shoving past him and heading back to my room. I heard Wayne follow me and bristled with anger.

"Eddie, what happened? Are you okay?" Wayne asked again. I got to my room and turned on my heels, grasping the door.

"Leave me the fuck alone," I hissed, slamming the door as hard as I could. I threw myself on my bed, burying my face in a pillow. I heard the door open.

"I'm going to assume you've temporarily lost your mind to speak to me like that," Wayne said. I groaned and rolled over.

"Sorry," I said, not meaning it. I wanted to be left alone.

"What's your problem? What happened?"

"I told you."

"Well, that's horseshit."

"Wayne, please leave me alone," I begged. I felt tears well in my eyes. This was stupid. Why was I letting myself get so upset about Victoria Davis?

Because she was amazing. And smart. And funny. And I ruined this.

"Talk to me, kid," Wayne prompted, nudging my leg. I looked at him.

"I'm an asshole."

"Don't talk about yourself like that," he said, trying to cheer me up.

"I'm an asshole, Wayne. I ruined things with Victoria," I insisted. My anger bubbled over. Fuck Robin for saying those things to her.

"I'm sure they're not ruined—"

"They are, Wayne. Because I was a dick to Victoria for years," I snapped. This wasn't Robin's fault. Robin was telling the truth. I was awful to Victoria for years – and why? Because I incorrectly thought she said something in class years ago.

"I don't know what to say, nephew. It seemed like she liked you plenty when I met her," he offered. That was the problem – she did like me. And I liked her. I was absolutely crazy for her. But I had been awful for so long – how much can a couple apologies and kisses make up for?

I stared at my ceiling and Wayne got the hint, finally leaving me alone. I was furious. I cycled through different things to be angry at – Robin for calling us out, Victoria for not believing me, Principal Coleman for making me spend time with Victoria.

But it was useless. At the core of all of this, I was the issue. I was the one who wrote the messages. I was the one who targeted Victoria.

I rolled onto my side. I noticed the Kiss album she left in my van from the other day. I couldn't believe that I had spent so long hating Victoria – we had so much in common. Our taste in music, the movies we loved, our family stories. And what we didn't share, she was patient to explain to me. She was the only person, besides Wayne, who never called me stupid. Even when we were enemies, her insults – as harsh and sharp as they were – were never about my intelligence.

Fuck this. Fuck everything.

---

I woke up, groggy and my eyes still full of sleep. I looked at my clock and decided I was going to skip first period – I couldn't bear to see Victoria. I rolled out of bed and took my time getting ready, dragging my feet every step of the way.