Calzona- Fourth Times A Charm

Chapter 10

Callies pov:
I snapped awake and I immediately missed her touch. Wait.... I never had it, it was a dream. A dream about sex with my ex wife. I checked my phone which revealed it was three in the morning.

I removed the duvet which smelt like her detergent and got out of bed. Before I knew it my hand was on the door knob, but I quickly recoiled. Where am I going at 3am? It's way to late to go wake her up, especially since she's a light sleeper and needs all the sleep she can get in one night. But I felt such a pull to go to her room. I mean, I just had a dream about sex with her which never even happened when we were married. It has to be a sign. Before I even had time to fully think it through, my hand was once again on the door knob, but this time I was twisting my wrist and quietly walking down the hallway to Arizona's room. It was in the moment that my hand landed on her door knob though, that it all hit me. If I try walking back, I'll probably just wake her up anyway which will make it awkward, and if I go in, I'll seem crazy. But at this point, we are having the conversation anyway, and I'll be lucky if she's not already awake, so I might as well just get it over with. As I slowly turned the knob, I heard the blankets in Arizonas bed moving a bit. Once I closed it behind me, I watched her roll from her back facing the door to on her back.

"What is it Sof?" She grumbled sweetly, still clearly half asleep. She's always been the best Mama to our daughter. When I wasn't fit, and I was making it a competition between me and her in court, she remembered what it was all about. She wanted Sofia because she loves Sofia. Of course, I love Sofia too, but I got caught up in the competition aspect of it, Arizona didn't. She even told the judge that Sofia will be okay in either home, but she wants her because she loves her. I basically just told the judge that Arizona was a horrible slut and I'm the one who fought to stay alive for Sofia. Even though, if I'm being honest, I completely forgot about Sofia when I was on the hood of that car. I assumed that I had lost her and was too quick to accept it.

I laughed a little at her assumption and I could see, even in the darkness, that she furrowed her brows. Then, she rolled to her side so she could see me.

"Hey, what is it Calliope?" She asked in a concerned voice.

"Um, I just had a dream, and it made me realize something. You can say no to this, and I'll leave in the morning after the way I treated you in court, but I think the world was made for memories, not people, some people die and memories don't, but the thing is...." I stopped, how can I tell my ex wife that I want her back? I've only been here a couple of nights and I'm already all over her.

After a few moments, she put a caring hand on my arm and squeezed lightly, urging me to continue. I sighed, knowing there was no going back.

"Arizona, I still want our big house and ten kids. I want my memories to be made with you, and our kids, but with you."

She looked shocked, but not sad, or scared, or annoyed. The only thing I could see on her face was relief, which didn't quite make sense, but I stayed there, standing next to her bed. I could feel myself tensing up as she rolled onto her back, and stayed there for a moment, but then, she lifted the blanket and patted the bed while looking straight in front of her. It was slightly awkward, but she wanted the memories too.

As soon as I was laying on my back in her bed, she unexpectedly cuddled into me and rested her head on my chest. Slowly, I wrapped my arm around her.

"I need to know I can trust you again, before I tell you this"

I sensed the seriousness in her voice, and I could tell that the problem went deeper than Alex or I even knew.

I pulled her in closer to me, and kissed the top of her head before saying "always" in a gentle tone.

"Uhhhh, well, the other night I went out to the bar and got drunk, like black out drunk. Like, drunker than I got when you and Sofia left for New York. But I'm scared that I woke up in a hotel room, and that I might've been drunk enough to have sex with a man"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Why did she intoxicate herself that much? It's so out of character for her... well, was. A lot has changed. I was too deep in thought to respond, and I could see the impatience growing on her face as she looked at me.

"Callie, I could be pregnant" she said, trying to get a response. I snapped out of my thoughts, and tried to formulate a response for the pretty blonde tensely laying on my chest.

"Well, we can get you a test tomorrow morning, but let's not think about it now, you need to rest" I assumed that she wasn't going to tell me about her potential self harming habits yet, and settled myself into her bed more to go back to sleep, but that wasn't a part of her plan.

"Calliope?" She asked.

"Yeah?"

"There's more...." She said in a quavering voice. I kissed her head to show her that she could tell me, and then she rolled up a sleeve and rested her arm on my torso. I slowly sat up and picked up her arm to look. I slowly examined her scarred and scabbed wrist and was taken back. I knew that she had cuts, but some of these scars must be a couple years old. How long has she been struggling this badly for that I didn't notice?

"Please don't run..." she whispered, still shakily. It broke my heart. She's afraid I'll run when it gets hard again. I ran once, when she was okay, she put in the work to fix herself, but I didn't want to try. I pushed her so hard instead of helping her when she needed me, and then when she was finally okay again, I left and I just know it ruined her at least a little. I saw it on her face when I left her in that room right after she confessed her deep and never ending love for me, but I didn't care. I had become cold and selfish because she took too long to get better.... But she didn't, I just didn't help her the way she needed and never thought to change my ways.

"I did that once, it was the worst decision of my life.... If I ever try to again, remind me of this night, and don't let me, because I love you and you love me and none of the rest matters." I said. It felt good, it felt good to have my girl back.

"You love me?" She asked.

"I never stopped, Arizona. Never."

She looked up at me with a small smile and twinkle in her eyes before turning her lamp off and readjusting for me to spoon her for the rest of the night. Once I cuddled around her and we both got comfortable, I heard her whisper "I love you too, Calliope. Goodnight" while grasping the hand of my arm which hung over her body.