Calzona- Fourth Times A Charm

Chapter 15

Arizonas pov:

Tw- SH

Finally, Callie and I managed to get Sofia to sleep and we climbed into my bed. I didn't realize it, but I had been holding back while around her for the past month. Although it was tiring, the past day and a half was very needed. It helped us both fall back into being the real Callie and Arizona, not the post plane crash Callie and Arizona. But despite coming to terms with almost everything, I was just waiting for the last shoe to drop. I have a problem, and I need to heal from it. I need Callies help, but it will break her heart. I just can't stand to see that sadness on her face one more time. I can't stand it, so I can't tell her. I need to do it on my own, she cant find out. I can't cause her another ounce of pain or sadness. Per usual, before I cuddled into her, I made sure that my sleeves were pulled all the way down, but when I saw her watching me do it so closely, my heart shattered for mer. She knew.

"Arizona..." she whispered sadly, I tried shrugging it off.

"What?"

"Arizona..." she whispered again, this time a little more stern.

"What? My hands are just cold Calliope" I said with a little smile, trying to make my eyes as super magical as I could.

"Arizona... I'm not mad, I just want to help you"

"Help me with what?" I asked inquisitively, really hoping she would let it go.

"You have blood on the inside of your sleeve, I just saw it"

I froze, but for just a second, before I responded. I didn't know she saw it. Now, she has proof more than just me acting strangely. I thought maybe if she didn't see it we could move and I could try to get clean again without her even noticing, but she saw it, and now I have to come to terms with yet another one of my demons inside of a week, but right now? Now is just too much.

"Calliope, you're being ridiculous, I think we are both tired and just need a good night's sleep," I said, starting to hunker down next to her. Despite the fact that I knew that she saw it, I was really hoping that she would be willing to revisit it when Sofia went to school tomorrow.

On my way to find complete comfort and bliss under my covers, Callie stopped me. No shock, she wants me to be okay. I just didn't want to discuss this ever, especially not then.

She gently took my hand in hers and looked me in the eye. I didn't even try ripping my hand away. I already knew that she was going to see them, there was no point in stopping her. Despite what we both knew she was going to do, she tried looking into my eyes as to ask for permission. I nodded slightly, knowing that the only difference it would make would be Callie not feeling quite as bad. Slowly, she flipped the wrist so that the bottom was facing upwards. She briefly held my hand and gently squeezed it to remind me that its okay and then lifted my sleeve.

I could see sadness and disappointment written all over her face when she saw my cuts, there were few recent ones, and not many more older ones, but they were still there. She did her best to hide it from me, but there was no masking it, anyone could've seen it.

After a moment of observing my wrists, she looked at me, only to find that I was refusing eye contact, "You don't have to talk about it tonight, but, tell me where it is"

I got teary eyed just thinking about where I hid it. It felt like a betrayal, a betrayal to him. To Tim. I know I had to say it, and I knew Callie would know. I need her to help me, and I think that she needs me too.

"Bottom left drawer of my vanity," I still wasn't giving her eye contact.

She moved her head to give me eye contact briefly before she stood up to go find them.... my blades. She knew full well that I'd never put anything in a bottom left drawer of my vanity since I was 14 when we lived in Japan for a year for my Dad's work. We ended up accidentally getting put into the wrong housing, and Tim and I had to share a bathroom while our parents shared one, since it was a strange floor plan. I filled all of the other 5 drawers with my girly products, which in hindsight, were crap, but Tim insisted on the bottom left drawer for whatever reason. Since then, and especially since his passing, I've made sure that the bottom left drawer of my vanity stayed clear, it just felt wrong to use it, not even Callie dared fill it with her products when we first lived together.