Opening Doors

Chapter 11- Will I even make it home for Christmas?

So, there I was transitioning into being discharged. I had just failed the PFT test, the worst case on it. So they were now assuming I had asthma. I was told they couldn't discharge me for my heart, because I had a waiver for that, but for the breathing, they could. Me not realizing they are saying I had asthma and that, that's why they are now discharging me.

The first set of paperwork I filled out I blatantly stated this was NOT something that existed prior to me being there. But yet the paperwork they wrote up said the opposite and I thought I wrote that on every piece of paper, but as they were trying to discharge me, the sergeants were making it go extra fast and handing me paper after paper and I asked what each one meant, but it's almost like I was feeling rushed or pressured to sign these so "I could get home for VBL (vacation block leave)" or so they made it sound. They took all my gear and had me sign off on this. (Remember this, this WILL be brought up again...)

So, I thought that was that. I thought I'd get out of there that day and head home. NOPE! They sent me to a waiting area with other people being discharged. You had all sorts of people there for various reasons and probably the most common I heard was "asthma", and people leaving after a couple of days to weeks being there and me... 2 weeks from graduation. Do you know how upsetting this was? Then the sergeants there (aside from like 2) would treat you as a failure and this was your choice. I'm sorry, I was the person who had a mini heart attack and went back a day or so later and was ready to keep fighting it to the end, the person who fought to stay in blue but was sent to white when I KNOW I signed blue phase papers... you want to treat me as if I fucking failed? Bitch, you try all that shit and see how far you get... I was pissed. But I understood this was their job and seeing all the other crap people were there for, for leaving... shit, I get it. I get why they treated us like that, but damn don't tell me I didn't try, because that's the opposite of what I did and I still got sent out for what felt like a wussy thing for me. Not for others, I get it, if you have asthma, it makes sense. Shit my old bunkmate from had it, and she made it just fine. She actually graduated. Here I was feeling like shit, not with my "family", but I knew when my platoon graduated and I MADE sure that I could watch them graduate. I talked with the drill sergeants at this new place to make sure that would happen. I had to be there for them somehow and applaud them. I watched all of them grow and come SO far! I was SO proud of them!! (I still am!) They may leave and forget about me, but I will never forget those 3 months we had together. It wasn't always easy, but it was the best adventure I had ever experienced and I'm glad it was with them. I had to watch them graduate! And not everyone there got it. I mean some weren't with their platoon long enough to make a bond like I did. Some were there like 2 days... and claimed to have PTSD... 🙄 and this dude gets paid comp for the rest of his life... let's talk about fairness here... ptsd... shit... sorry, who am I to judge. No one is weaker than others, it's all mindset, I get this, it's just like... wtf. If I knew I could do that, shit... I still wouldn't have 😆 my ego is too big for that. I mean it makes sense if you had some real rough drill sergeants, but even then. The first week is always the hardest in basic. They work you up to try and break you down and if they can then it's not meant for you. The process of weeding out. I mean, shit, it makes sense, but to me felt like I was out of place. Like these stories I would hear, yeah I went through that shit, too, you know. I felt weak, we will just put it that way. And embarrassed to admit this to anyone. Felt like I failed.

The truth was I didn't fail at all, and I knew I could always try and join the Air Force, too. I know it wasn't the Army like I dreamed, but I knew o wanted to try. I knew I had to take a PFT test when I got home and I knew I would want to try again. I knew the Army wouldn't take me back now that I was being discharged. It sucked, but I wasn't ready to give up on my dream. (Wait, until you hear the next crazy shit that happens, I swear I'm like the damn 1% for literally EVERYTHING!)