One Spring Morning

Aren't we broken but beautiful?

Yeonjun slams the front door. It bolts me awake from my sleep. I had some instant Raman earlier throughout the day and cooked some avocado and toast earlier in the morning for breakfast when he was leaving so I guess it was okay. I didn't question him when he told me to stay at home today. Something serious must have occurred and it was best that I stayed at home. I rolled around in my bed, my eyes fluttering open to look at the alarm clock. 12 am. I bounced out of my bed instantly, tiptoed to my bedroom door and opened it. At that moment Yeonjun, my brother, past by my bedroom, gritted teeth, all anger and fists clenched. There was a bright purple bruise on his eye. I'm shocked, utterly shocked. I knew that Yeonjun would get into fights with all sorts of people but I never expected him to head home this late, school finished hours ago, at the very least I thought he was jamming to music in his room, while eating the kimchi left from the fridge on his bed, not him finally arriving home at this time.

"Yeonjun, what happen-" I start, a tender hand reached out to his face but I am interrupted by his harsh words.

"Forget it." He yells angrily, his eyes are just mere shadows, his hands clenched, I swear blood could have poured from the skin. I'm scared at this new person, this person in front of me, my brother and yet not.

His hands move to my shoulders, he shakes me violently. "WHY DO I HAVE TO SAVE YOU ALL THE TIME?!" He screams, he doesn't stop shaking my body. "YOU, YOU CAUSED ALL OF THIS. ALL OF THIS." His loud voice pierces my heart. Pain jabs all across my body, I shriek internally.

I put a tight grip on Yeonjun's arms and push him away, he stumbles a few steps back but maintains balance.

"MAYBE, YOU'RE RIGHT. I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE, BROTHER. " I shout back, my face is tight stretched, there is redness around my eyes, tears are pouring like they never were before, my friends back in Australia said I looked so beautifully broken when I cried, maybe I didn't need my brother to shield me all the time, he acted as if I couldn't fight for myself, I could.

"I'M SORRY I BLACKED OUT AND YOU HAD TO FACE ALL OF THIS, I'M SORRY, ALL I CAN REMEMBER IS YOUR NAME, YOUR PATHETIC NAME, YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE STRUGGLING, LOOK AT YOU WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND BEING THE LIFE OF THE PARTY AND LOOK AT ME TAGGING ALONG AND DOING QUIET JOURNALLING. MAYBE I SHOULD STOP LEANING AGAINST YOU, BE A WEIGHT ON YOU! I SHOULD MAKE A FRIEND, HAVE A BOYFRIEND!, NOT JUST MY BROTHER " I yell at his face.

"I'VE BEEN KEEPING MOTHER'S PROMISE FOR YEARS BUT EVER SINCE ALL OF THIS HAPPENED, I'VE BEEN ATTACKED LIKE NEVER BEFORE ALL BECAUSE OF YOU. " Yeonjun points a deadly finger at me, his tears rolling down his face faster than mine. The darkness of my room envelopes us both, there is only the ghostly aura of the yellow light gleaming in the hallway, jagged, entering the small crack between the door and the door frame.

"SOMETIMES, I WISH WE DIDN'T LIVE UNDER THE SAME ROOF, YOU'RE NOT MY OPPA. YOU'RE NOTHING TO ME. FATHER WAS RIGHT, YOU WERE NOTHING LIKE THE KIND SOUL THAT HE WAS" I yell louder, I grab the small ornament on the bedside table, it's a snow globe that Yeonjun gave me years ago. I raise my arm up and slam it to the ground. The ornament smashes across the room, the glass flying everywhere. The curtains of my bedroom window shutter, the moon glares back at us, the trees cringe at the piercing sound, swaying in the opposite direction.

Yeonjun steps closer and closer, his finger points at my chest, it pierces the skin underneath my clothes, "DONT YOU DARE TALK ABOUT FATHER UNDER THIS ROOF."

I grab at his necklace, making him choke on his words, "AT LEAST I WAS LIKE MOTHER, QUIET, CALM. TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE?!"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I AM, WHAT ARE YOU?" Yeonjun fights back.

++++

Yeonjun quietness down after and whispers a final threat. His eyes moving to the dark oak wood floor of my bedroom.

"You're nothing but a sister who can't trust anyone." He mutters, he body is turned towards the door but his face is still curved downward, eyes to the floor.

I spit back at him. "You're nothing but a brother who can't control his emotions." My eye glared straight at his face, fist clenched and eyebrows furrowed deep.

Yeonjun storms to the door of my bedroom, the light out at the narrow hallway, blinds both of our eyes, as he opens it wide before snapping the door closed, eyeing me with contempt for a brief second, there are shadows under his eyes, his hair is no longer pink, he dyed it black, a broken black like tonight and he didn't tell me about it.

I go back to bed, my feet avoiding all the broken glass, I can hear the loud slam of his bedroom door. I can his sniffling and sobbing.

I hear the thud of his head against the door.

For the first time, the whole house is quiet, not even the sound of sleep from the two broken siblings, as if the house had been truly abandoned. As if no one lived there at all, as if all the memories created there were not real.

I knew what caused these emotions to surge tonight, it was what happened in our family. The past.