One Spring Morning

How can blood bind us? If we don't see eye to eye?

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In the morning, I'm in better health, today I refuse to stay in bed, insistent on showing Yeonjun that I'm capable of taking care of myself. I head into the kitchen, take one of the sticky notes stuck to the fridge, I grab the pencil from my ear and scribble a message for my brother.

Not making breakfast for you - Balleli.

I am about to head off with an egg sandwich in my hand, munching softly and head for the early bus, I changed my bus schedule last night, refusing to even see my brother's face. I should stop calling him my brother. But before I leave the house, I turn to see the laundry with Yeonjun's crinkled clothes on the ironing board, I refuse to do the ironing or anything for him like I promised last night. I open the door of the house, close it after me and head to the bus.

I hop onto the bus and sit next to Ari Hu, Taehyun's sister. I've been friends with her ever since I started Grade 5. She plays the flute and loves baking cookies, her hair is a wispy silver colour, there are pearl clips in her hair, I've always loved her sense of style. Something about her, makes you trust her so easily, her eyes are a bright brown colour and she loves monarch butterflies. I'm surprised that I recognise who she is, it seams that ever since I had a head injury, I can't ever recall anything, but maybe it was the argument that caused this strange opportunity to occur today.

"It's so nice to get to talk to you again Balleli." Ari Hu ushers quietly beside me, I've always loved her calming presence and how it doesn't necessarily mean that we have to fill all of our time on the bus with talking and shouting, that's where my brother has always been the opposite. I clench my teeth at the sudden thought of my brother, I'm scared to admit it but I've already missed him, this early in the journey of being independent, I can't possibly let this happen

I know I still love him. I was the one who caused him pain. Not the other way round.

"Hey Ari, that's a nice journal you've got there." I point delicately at the journal in Ari Hu's hand, it's leather bound in white and there are black feathers stitched beautifully on the cover, it's almost too beautiful to be real.

"I started joining the writing society at our school? Have you heard of it?" Ari Hu asks, flipping absent mindly over the pages of the little journal, curious to know my answer. I feel a sudden pang of guilt at the question, I know that I haven't been looking at any extra clubs and commitments and have just been sticking to my friends, that I've forgotten one of the closest friends of mine.

"No I haven't, I'm sorry, things have been tough." I murmur to myself, my head dipped low.

"That's alright." Ari Hu whispers to me, understanding as always. A pang of guilt hits me.

Ari Hu puts her journal back into her backpack also of black and white. The bus stops with a loud whoosh and suddenly I want to say something but I'm not sure of what Ari Hu will think of me.

Suddenly my brother's words pound me from last night, those words that were painfully true.

You're nothing but a sister who doesn't trust anyone.

"Ari!" I yell, running to her as she heads to the first step down the bus.

She turns around at my voice, eyes open wide.

"When's the writing society on?" I stop directly in front of her, a smile on my face.

"Today during both recess and lunch, meet me at the lockers and we can head there together." She smiles a bright smile, hops the last few steps of the bus and runs to the entrance of our high school. I walk down the two steps calmly, thank the driver- I've never thanked the bus driver before but it feels right to do so and run after Ari. The last thing I need is to see Yeonjun's face is the crowded sea of students crossing the road, all in identical uniforms.

~ Yeonjun Pov ~

I sit down at our table, at my table of friends. The rest of the other guys are chatting away happily but I'm there, distant, not looking at anything in particular. I'm lost in thought. It brings shame to me that I'm thinking of my little sister but I can't help it. I can't help but replay the words that she shouted to me last night, her tangled, brown hair glowing in the yellow light of the hallway, her hair is brown in the light and black in the dark, at that moment her hair was between those two colours, brown where the light was, a pitch black in the darkness. How she knew that she was leaning on me ,relying on me to comfort her, to understand what she was going through but then she decided to release me, to make friends, to find a boyfriend. She was all I had left I realised and I cringed at the prospect that she would leave me, leave me for other people. That our connection would sever.

"Yeonjun? You good?" Taehyun asks, he stares at me, holding in his hand is a fork. I let out an aimless shrug and ignore him.

"Yeonjun, talk to us, don't ignore Taehyun like that." Soobin shakes my shoulders from beside me. I want to wave my arms at him and push him away, against that hard brick wall but I remember my sister's words.

You're nothing but a brother who can't control his emotions.

That snaps me out of my impulsiveness, those words send a rushing wave of calm in me.

I take a deep breath in and a deep breath out, I can't help but feel like I still love my little sister. She hasn't done anything to me. I was the one who caused pain in her.

"I fought with Balleli." I sigh, pressing my hands against my face.

"Oh no, you know you can tell us anything." Huening Kai is beside me, his hands on my shoulders, his face close to mine. I take my hands out from my face, there's a wobbly smile on my lips.

"If you don't mind, it would be great if you told us what happened." Soobin says quietly. Beomgyu and Taehyun rush to me they wrap their arms around me. As I try my best to hold my sobs, try so hard.

"She told me last night, that I was nothing but a brother who couldn't control my emotions." I shudder at that moment, it flashes before me.

"What did you say?" Soobin asks.

"I told her she was nothing but a sister who couldn't trust anyone." I let out.

When I'm in a better state I explain the situation, when I trudged home at 12 am last night after a fight with those bulky bullies of Balleli's, a purple eye on my face, I was angry, tired and I wanted to shout at Balleli for the mess she had inflicted on me, on both of us. I tell them of Balleli and her tender hand reaching out to me, asking me for help and I just shouted at her, shook her in the darkness and the argument that ensued. Finally I told them how my heart shattered when she broke the snow globe. The precious snow globe that was the living reminder of our sibling love for each other.

A familar figure dashes by my vision, her hair is brown in the light, black in the dark. Her eyes are like coal, her face heart shaped and pale, her lips pulled tight, she's been through a lot, she has a journal tucked to her chest and as she turns her head to the table, her face is slightly shocked at the expression on my face, sad, sobbing and broken. I see in her eyes the same emotion behind that smiling face, her heart is shattered, inside she is broken.

I'm broken too and that familiar figure, is my sister, my sister, the person I broke the heart of. We stare at each other for a while, our eyes connected. Then the connection snaps and she runs away.

Taehyun gasps as he recognises the figure beside my sister, "Ari Hu!" he yells.

Taehyun's sister doesn't turn around as if she didn't hear the words coming from my friend's throat. Nor does my sister.

I wonder what I've done. It was all my fault.