One Spring Morning

Just give me some comfort

++++

Late night, at home, late dinner.

"Balleli." Yeonjun sighs as he scoops food from the pot with one of those deep in-laid spoons. He stares at the food for a while, mumbling and muttering. The lights coming from the staircase are like beautiful glowing beams towards paradise. With my beautiful brother. The wind whispers outside and I can hear the sound of the cars softly rumbling, South Korea's citizens coming home after a long day of work and students bleary eyed with dark shadows after a long morning of studying.

He then turns to me, my eyes watching him. He moves close to me and places his hands on my cheeks. He brushes my cheeks gently and we dip our heads together, forehead against, forehead. I feel touched at the gesture, "my brother." I cry into his chest. "My brother, that is all I remember of you. I'm so sorry." I sniff. "Is my name really Balleli? Are you really my brother?" I internally scream into his black sweater, his hair is black, he didn't tell me he dyed his hair back to black.

I know I'm going a little de lu lu

"Don't worry, your name is Balleli, I promise I'm really your brother.. I'll always be your brother." He lets go of me gently, pulling the sleeve of his grey jumper up, showing a message created from permanent marker that still hasn't come off.

LOVE FOR B + Y

My mouth goes into a round "o" at the message. "A cheesy message that you told me when you were 9."

He pulls the sleeve of my pale yellow sweater, I feel the dull thump of my necklace (the same as Yeonjun's) and there it is the message.

He turns around then, the lights of the stairs blind our eyes but there's the small package, he gently pulls off the outer shell and pops the pill from its casing.

"This is for you." His voice is like a gentle rustle.

Yeonjun turns around to get a glass of water for me. I swallow the pill and he gently allows me to drink the water. For the rest of the late night, Yeonjun presses the record player and we dance like when were little, wait didn't I not know anything about Yeonjun and I? Well I guess I knew what the dance was. The Macarena. The music is soft though as to not disturb the other neighbours next-door to our apartment.

We live in a beautiful penthouse, all of thick glass, and soft beige blinds, white couches and rich artistic style. Our parent's left us with a lot of money but not a lot of love.

—

"Hey..." it's the soft whisper of my brother.

"Yeonjun?" I murmur, dazed from my sleep, I sit upright. Maybe something must have happened in the apartment block and he's alerting me.

I watch carefully.

"Don't be so tense, nothing's wrong." He calms me down.

I release the tension in my bunched up shoulders and stare at him.

"You know, I know you always needed me to look out for all your problems but I just wanted to let you know, you're vibrant, caring presence is what I always needed in life. Someone who understood my emotions."

Yeonjun moves into the darkness of my room, closing the door behind him. The light fades away and I'm out of my bed and hugging him tight. In his hands are a sleeping bag and my pills, a glass of water and a book.

It's like old times, I suddenly remember when mother made us sleep together on separate beds next to each other.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay, sleeping on the floor?"

"I've always been fine with that."

We settle to sleep together, Yeonjun doesn't, I do. He opens his book, he puts on his golden glasses and starts reading softly, it's always been a habit of his. Lately, I've been tired so I haven't gotten the chance to read a book. I curl on the side, my ear open to his soft reading, eventually he stops.

"I'm glad that you're alive Balleli and that I've missed you so much."

"I'm glad you're alive too Yeonjun, I've missed you too."

"No... I meant today, all that happened, I'm glad you're in front of me, alive, healthy and well." He whispered, snapping the book softly, taking his golden glasses off, his eyes turning to me. The unshed tears.

I'm silent at the comment.

"Sometimes you can be such an inner softie at home." I muse.

"Oi, I heard that! Let's pretend I'm the strongest here alright." Yeonjun lets out a bright laugh but it goes back to his nostalgic tone.

"Goodnight Yeonjun."

"Goodnight Balleli."