One Spring Morning

The memories of my brother

*tw: anesthetics --> numbing, unconsciousness, sadness, loneliness, mentionings of family violence, discovering the past, discovering childhood.*

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We're back in the sickly and scary nurse's office, as I gently open my eyes, trying to return to my surroundings, I see a boy with pink hair dozing away in the armchair. I wonder what he's doing here, I don't think I know who he is. He has rings in the earlobes of his ears, his cat eyes closed, his arms crossed in discomfort. There are shadows under his eyes as he sleeps, clearly sleeping on an armchair is not comfortable.

The boy opens his eyes, his face lights up at my conscious figure and he smiles, there are happy tears leaking into his eyes, he quickly wipes them away with his pink sweater and comes over to crouch beside me.

"Balleli, you're awake."

'Who are you?"

"You're so sneaky aren't you, I think you know who I am."

"I'm not playing any game, who are you and what on earth are you doing here?"

This pink haired boy falters at my words, he stares into my eyes trying to communicate a message I do not understand and I think some certain emotion finally hits him.

"Balleli, don't tell me you don't know who I am." His voice cracks.

"Who is Balleli?" I say in more confusion, this boy must be absolutely crazy.

"No, Balleli. No, Balleli. You must remember me, I'm your brother. Yeonjun." He croaks and coughs and sputters, his tears are no longer happy but so very sad.

Yeonjun, the name sounds familiar, yet I have no idea how it is and why it is familiar.

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There's a collection of tapes that are stacked on a shelf down in the basement. In the basement is where all the memories are. I remember coming down there when I was ten. There was a tape tucked in the shelf, the name of the tape was "Journey with Yeonjun and Balleli." I played the tape and watched the images float on the wall, it showed Yeonjun and I when I was 6, and he was 8, first taking the bus together. Then there are tapes of me when I was 7, Yeonjun was 9...a tape of me when I was 9 and Yeonjun was 11 and we started running like carefree birds to the bus. Our mother would film from her bedroom window, a camera in hand. You could hear the words of our mother, breathy yet clear calling, "Yeonjun, Balleli! Look up." Yeonjun looked up at the voice coming from the window, waving brightly before we disappeared through the doors of the bus, heading to school.

Then the tapes stopped, the last tape that we had was from when I was 11 and Yeonjun was 13. Our mother died when I turned 13 and Yeonjun was 15. There were no tapes after that. I watch the last tape when I was 11 and I watch that beautiful smile across my lips, Yeonjun and I are holding hands, running together towards the bus, but right before we enter through its doors, the camera zooms in on both of our faces, our hands pressed to our lips, blowing kisses to our wonderful mother. I walked up those basement stairs in a hurry until I accidentally bumped into the only body in the house, the only other person with me, Yeonjun. His black hair glowed from the yellow light of the basement, his gold rimmed glasses shining, his lips pulled tight as I hugged him, he had been watching me the whole time as I watched that tape, the coffee in his mug swished and splat on the wood, he was a stone statue, as hard as a rock but his insides were warm and all I needed to help me get through.

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Yeonjun pov:

I move the microphone towards me and take a deep breath in and out, I place the headphones over myself and murmur the words over and over again so I don't stumble. It's only going to take one take and despite how crazy this idea is, I still go with it and I still press Record.

It's for when Balleli is far away from me, for Balleli is off on her own wondrous opportunities and misses her older brother, this recording is for her, or...I shiver at the thought that my little sister might be capable of this but, when she has forgotten me entirely..perhaps starting a new life, with a boyfriend, or just wants to explore the world...

"Hello, do you know who this is?

It's Yeonjun, you're older brother. Don't forget about me just now. I'm here.

Wave back at me, will you. Ugh, you didn't so disrespectful!

Do you remember the time you stole my ice cream, licked all of it off and smushed it into my face. At that moment, I was really angry at you for doing that but you know I'll always love you.

Do you remember teaching me to cook and telling me that you were scared of turning the gas on but you weren't scared of using knives to chop vegetables? I used to be the one who turned the gas quicker than you and you would gasp, "Oh my, what a brave soul you are." I would just laugh and say "What a brave soul you are."

Now what are you doing, cooking huh? Come here and give me your kimchi and a hug.

Do you remember going to the lake and bringing some of mum's homemade bread with us, do you remember feeding those little ducks with their yellow beaks? Those were cute and you came too close to the ducks, tripped over a rock and I had to pull you back onto the grass, you'd scraped your knee badly and were crying so much that I quickly took the pack of bandaids and put it on as fast as I could. You kept yelling at me after that, saying "I'm not a baby anymore!" You blushed so much that when you say Huening Kai behind me you yelped and fell into his arms.

I'm starting to think you have feelings for our hyuka, you guys on a trip together?

Anyway,

If you need anything I'm here, don't forget me munchkin.

Yours,

Yeonjun."

I really hoped that Balleli didn't have to listen to recording and that she would always be there but as her brother I knew who she was unlike anyone else, I knew she had ambitions and she was destined to go somewhere, we were going to be far away but she had this recording.

I didn't know the purpose of it was going to be different.