One Spring Morning

Close yet so far away

trigger warning: *deep thoughts, reflection, thoughts are slightly depressing.*

~yeonjun pov~

The lights of the hallway are bright as I walk in through the glass doors, I slip my hand through the slot of the glass panel to get my student Id. It passes through my hand. I slip it into my inside jacket pocket. I look in front of me, never leaving my gaze away from the slightly shorter girl, with her caramel brown hair in the light, black hair in the dark. I move my head slightly, brushing the hair away from my eyes.

I don't know what to say to her for once in my life. She's my sister but today, honestly, even this morning, I had no idea what to comprehend about her. We couldn't keep living like this. There goes the trait that I lack so much and the trait that Balleli strives in. Reading emotions, interpreting things.

It was so confusing and for once, I didn't want to sit with my friends but there was thing I could see in my sister's eyes. I saw that neither did she, want to sit with TXT.

+++

Balleli Pov ~ 

I'm known for thinking too much and for once, I feel like my heart has wrenched from my chest, I have no idea what to think of Yeonjun, I can't relive what happened the day before. The flames erupted around me, the bright flames, bright orange and vivid. The screaming from Yeonjun, laced with fear and shock at what was going on as he leaped bravely through the flames. What have I done to my brother, What had I inflicted on him that we did not talk to each other? It was a mess. My life without him was a mess.

We had no classes today, together. We would just trudge to our classes as if we were not related, we would not link arms together and laugh till we were dying all over on the floor, we would not poke fingers and pull faces, we would not play with each other or help each other on our way to a club, to the canteen, to a bench to have a small talk with, to prepare for a test, or to help carry stuff to the other's classroom.

I've always not been able to communicate properly and today I felt a lot more like I wasn't able to communicate at all, like one of those days were my tongue was tied and even if I tried really hard to think about the words that I was going to say, nothing would come out. Those days, when I felt drained of all energy.

I was so very loyal to TXT, to my brother's friends who in way were also my friends but today, I didn't want to talk to them and I knew from the flash of his cat like eyes, Yeonjun didn't want to either.

I remembered back to my teenage years and all the struggles I faced. In my younger days, when I was a small child, I didn't have anyone much as a friend and even though everyone knew me and I was able to connect with so many different people, no one ever got to deeply connect with me. It hurt my heart to know no one bothered to spend time with me, to take time to build a friendship with me. I wasn't sure why no one ever sat next to me in class. I was just like every normal person, I was just like every normal person who had a personality. Not just a workaholic. Not just a study girl. I was way more than that. I had sacrificed quantity over quality and I think those were my darkest days, those were the days when I had lost what I knew of a bubbly friendship from Year 7 and I was lost in my social group in Year 8, despite doing steadily in my academics. I eventually found a new group of friends, I made a best friend and these were the people whom I trusted and made me feel well, comfortable, safe. Those dark feelings, those feelings of being lost, they were what I was feeling now, years later in South Korea.