The Music Room

Words As Weapons

Sitting outside the cave entrance contemplating all of my options. Still unsure of exactly what Montgomery wants of me I have no clue as to how to continue. I want to go home, I also want to fight but I can do that from home. I am used to fighting with small groups and mostly just my friends. I've fought with a few other rebels who were just looking for something to do. That was fun. We threw apple pies, pumpkin pies and pecan pies at the squares. They were Soviet Squares and they flipped out. Crash almost lost an ear.
I know for certain that I won't give up my fight. I am far too stubborn to do that. Closing my eyes and leaning my head against the cool stone, damp with condensation, exhaustion takes over. My sleepy heart drifts off to seek it's missing protector. Without my support system I feel as though I am a volcano just waiting to erupt.
Donovan, my soul aches at his name. My heart beats frantically searching for his own heart; pure and innocent that one. I miss him terribly, my best friend, protective, mysterious and mischievous Donovan. We had fun together and lasted the invasion as well as seven months after that and now he's gone because of me. I've gone and killed him with my stupid mission and using my grenades as weapons. I will never be able to forgive myself for the nine lives that I ended. The deaths of all my friends who despite everything we have stuck together. We have never even considered splitting up regardless of our differences.
I have to go back. I have to go home. I can't live without knowing where his body is. It is most likely with the squares but I have to know. I hope Alix will understand this. I can't accept any part of his offer, I have to find Donovan first.
Someone shakes me awake, my cheeks are wet and shimmers in the light of the full moon. "You fell asleep, I didn't want to wake you but there's a storm coming." Alix Montgomery informs me. He stands over the lost little girl he calls a leader, I am no leader.
I nod in agreement as a cool wind blows across my face. Alix offers me a hand to help me stand and I accept his assistance. His warm hand swallows my cold one. I've always been a freeze baby. Sleepily I wander back into the chilly cave. Behind me Alix pushes a huge twelve inch thick iron door. I am suddenly fully awake and hyper aware of my surroundings. I feel too big for the cave as it shrinks around me, suffocating me and locking me in. I cannot move, I am trapped inside something that could easily turn highly explosive and dangerous at any second. I feel anxious and agitated. I suddenly feel nauseous. My vision darkens with purple spots and I struggle to keep moving forward. I stumble. Alix reaches me just before my head crashes into a stalagmite.
***********
When I come to I am completely unaware of my surroundings. I am in a California King bed, under the comforter and wrapped in a fuzzy blanket. I'm dying from overheating. I fling off the covers and deburrito myself. I fling my feet over the edge of the bed and end up moving to quickly and slip off and collapse on the floor. The stone floor is cool and I have no intention of moving. The room's walls are covered in records and album art from every genre and artist thinkable.
From behind me I hear the door open, and a small chuckle reaches my ears. Alix walks over to me and lies on the floor beside me.
"Having fun?" He asks me lightly. I only shrug in response and he smiles softly. "Nice shirt by the way" he says and I look down. To my next upmost horror I discover that I am wearing merely only an oversized batman shirt that reaches just above my knees. I hide my horror by shrugging again and ignoring him once again.
"Lex, you need to be comfortable with your body. It's beautiful. Everyone has problems with their body but all I see is beautiful art." Alix says and I turn on my side, pulling my knees up to my chest and slipping the shirt over them to conceal myself. "I brought you food by the way." Alix tells me and I wordlessly question him about it. "It's just breakfast." I can smell the delicious scent of pancakes and bacon and eggs and humble sausage. Instantly I perk up my interest. He grins and scoops me up. Holding me close to his chest and drops me on the bed. I extend my legs and he brings me the tray. "We need to discuss the plan of action"
"So far as I know there is no plan because I didn't agree to anything yet." I say my displeasure obvious upon my tongue.
"Well, we need you to join up ranks, your choice of gang but it must be done" he tells me "otherwise the revolution will die."
"I am aware of this" I say slowly, "but I have some things I need to do before I even consider it."
"Which is?" Alix asks evenly.
"I need to find Donovan and the other's bodies. I have to know what happened to them. They're my friends. I can't just abandon them."
"I realize that but you have to think of the cause"
"What cause?" I ask incredulously.
"The one your father started. The one your mum died f-" I cut him off before he can go on.
"My mother was murdered right before my eyes! She died to save me! She died because of me! Do not speak of her while speaking of the revolution. She did not die for that revolution. She died to save my sorry ass! She does because I am too weak to defend myself!" I shout, raging and seeing red. My voice rings loud and clear, I shake with fury but I remain strong. My blood boils at my own weakness. I can still hear her screams as they tortured her for information about me, they wanted her to give up and surrender me because I am different from everyone else. Because they could use me as a weapon and I was too weak and too scared to defend her. I couldn't do anything to save her.
The pressure on the inside of my hear is just too much. I explode. My eyes start to burn and I can no longer hold in the heart shattering, soul ripping emotions. I cry. I sob. I wail. I scream. I finally break.
I drop my guard and I am a weeping puddle of weakness. The pain comes in waves; my mother, my father, my uncle, my older brother, Donovan, Tyler, Alex, Stefan, Danny, Tim and Graham. All are dead. All because of me. Just because I was too weak, idiotic, and too afraid to defend myself. I may as well as have stuck them with the sword myself.
"Alix, I can't even think about-" he cuts me off. Pressing a finger to my lips, he instead opens his arms and allows my broken form to crawl into them. He comforts me instead of chastising me. He supports me instead of just blaming me and dropping guilt in the form of a billion tons of bricks. He wraps my shaking form within his warm embrace and I cling to him. He is solid. He is the earth. He is a tree with deep roots when attacked by a car.
He is a storm shelter and I am a wild and raging hurricane that can change directions at any moment. I am an unpredictable volcano. We are polar opposites. There is nothing that will change that. Then again I am polar opposites within myself.
"Lex, you are beautiful and you are strong. You are exactly what the revolution needs. You are what we need. You are what America needs." Alix tells me, trying to comfort me as well as con me into joining. I see through his plan and I don't have the energy to deal with it. I don't respond and he doesn't make me. Nor does he bring it up again. He just holds me while I mourn the loss of life. I finally give myself the chance to breakdown and cry.
*************
It is late afternoon by the time we move. Alix has long fallen asleep and I soon after. Alix helps me to my feet and I can barely stand after being in a cramped position for several hours.
"Lex, you know that the best way to repay your mom and brother would be to fight against what killed them." Alix says softly. I nod, agreeing with him because I'm still brain fried.
"So you want me to join up?" I ask him. "Yes" he says.
"Okay. I'll fight back." I reply.