The Music Room

American Oxygen

Apparently updates have to be typed in order to be uploaded. *facepalm* *sigh* I guess I better get to it then. But I am again stuck in the writers block boat. It's summer and I should be able to upload more. But no, my silly brain had to go and kill the moment. Gah. *exasperated noises*

Well. Here goes nothin. I think. Maybe. Nope.

Oh wait I lied.
Here ya go!
****************** updated and everything********
Oh and I forgot where we left off and I'm too lazy to check so random change in scenery. :D
************okay okay update********

I return to the lake where my mother first taught me how to swim, I can see her everywhere. In the yellow daffodils that we used to pick for the dinner table vase, the daisies we named our cat after, and in the trees she tended when we lived here before. Memories flood my mind; her happy smile when my father would gently kiss her forehead, her hearty laugh as we danced through the wild flowers wearing our best dresses and flower crowns. I remember her as free as could be, breathing in that American oxygen.
I also remember her screams. The barbaric wail she gave as she fought back against the soviets who flooded the house. I remember her shouting for me to run, knowing better than to disobey I ran as fast and as far as I could. Which in all honesty wasn't that far. So I hid. I remember when she was dragged from the house by her long dark wavy hair that I so envied. I remember as though it were yesterday when the soviets dragged her out of the house and into the yard. They beat her bloody. They did vile things to her. These went the civilian drones, these were thinking humans who knew exactly what they were doing to her. I remember clear as day what they did next to her lovely body. She was still fighting as they tied her up, and drenched her in gasoline. She knew it was over but still she struggled. She spit in their faces just before one of them lit a cigarette and took a long drag. It only lasted long enough for her to scream for me to never give up before he dropped the butt, still glowing red, at her feet and she went up in flames. I know she didn't die quickly for she screamed for several minutes before she lost oxygen and suffocated. The entire time I was hiding below the floor, my hands covering my ears but it only made her screams even more prominent.
My cheeks are wet. It must be raining. I don't mind it though as I strip out of my clothes and leap into the water. Just floating on the surface.
Donovan joins me in the lake, his features illuminated by the dark orange and red sunset. He slips into the water beside me, his bare skin glows with the light of the full moon. He moves to hold me close but I shy away. A flash of hurt crosses his eyes before concern replaces it. He tries again and this time I allow him to comfort me. My mind soon calms and returns to its usual peaceful setting as when I am around him. I close my eyes and lean against his warm chest. His entirety is warm against my bare back, I can feel his beautiful soul emanating. He gives me inner peace.
"What's on your mind Love?" He asks softly, his lips brush against my ear, sending shivers down my spine. His voice is deep and tranquil. His heart beats a steady dum dum dadum dum dum dadum and it lulls my heart into a soothing response. I take a deep breath before responding.
"I don't know what to do next" I confess and wish that a sudden blustery wind would rapture the silence and steal my words so they cannot be heard. Donovan pulls me around to face him. The water is warm despite the early September weather. His strong hands cup my glistening cheeks, upturning my face as to force me to look him in the eye. His blue eyes are dark and shining with the moonlight illuminating them. His warm gentle lips press against my forehead and I am almost in tears again due to his gentleness despite everything I have ever done to him.
"I'm going to be with you every step of the way" he whispers, his lips still against my forehead. In the moment I believe him because I have nothing else to believe. In this moment he is all I need. This was what was meant to be.
"I have to live up to what my mother started." I say softly. I take another deep breath of American oxygen. Donovan's thumb caresses my cheek and he kisses my eyes.
"I think" he begins slowly and takes a gentle pause before continuing. "That you can do anything you put your mind to." I wrap my arms around his waist and I am in complete aw of this boy. This boy who has seen me in every mood, in every direction and in my worst moments. This boy who has seen who I really am and still loves me for my batsh*t craziness. Even when I went completely psycho and started throwing things including punches. He is a good person through and through. He doesn't deserve to be dragged into all of this by me. He deserves to live a long and full happy life with a good girl who will make him a sandwich and who isn't completely broken inside. He deserves better than me.