Bitter Sweet Love || Hanzo x Reader

Night Sky

After the conversation with Hanzo, I felt nauseous, I couldn't organize my thoughts and feelings, I didn't know what to do with all the anger and despair. Somehow, after all the years I've spent with him as the leader of the Shimada Clan, I could understand why he did that. Despite all of this, the pain I thought I got over years ago came back. I know I love Hanzo, and probably nothing could change that.
But right now I was just confused. I didn't know if my feelings for Genji were really as lost as I thought they were. Because after talking to Hanzo, I just wanted to go to Genji. I didn't know why, if I wanted to apologize for giving him up so easily. Or for believing everything his brother told me. So I walked towards Genji's dorm as confused and upset as I was. I left Hanzo in our dorm without saying anything else. I needed time. Time to find out if I could keep loving him like I used to, or if this event got in the way of my feelings. I knocked on the door of Genji's room, who immediately invited me in. I opened the door and walked into his dorm and saw Genji standing with his back to me. As he turned to me I noticed that he had taken off his mask and I looked straight into the eyes I once loved so many years ago. I stood there motionless and studied his eyes. My thoughts and feelings went even more crazy than before. I didn't even notice Genji coming towards me. Only when he was only a few centimeters in front of me did I realize how close he had come to me. But I stayed motionless and looked into his eyes. I studied his face, which was covered in scars. I carefully reached out and began to run my fingers lightly over the scars. I noticed Genji tense at first, but his posture quickly relaxed. After a few minutes I really realized that the once great love of my life was standing in front of me. Until recently I thought I had lost it forever. Tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn't hold back my feelings. Genji gave me a startled look and immediately pulled me into his arms. He hugged me and rubbed my back until I finally calmed down.
After I stopped crying, I pulled out of his embrace. "So what's going on?" he asked worried and wiped the remaining tears from my face. I took a deep breath before beginning to explain why I had come to him. I explained to him that Hanzo had told me everything and that it was all very difficult to take. And that I didn't know where to go with my thoughts and feelings. "I'm so sorry about what happened to you, and I'm sorry I never questioned anything your brother said to me." I added and noticed how tears formed in my eyes again. Genji gave me a sad smile and hugged me again. "None of this is your fault. And how were you supposed to know what happened. I'm glad you were safe at least for the past few years." he said while patting my back again.
"I really thought you left me without saying a word..." I said, still agitated by all the emotions. "I wish I could have come back. But I couldn't. After being rescued, I had to learn to accept myself. Besides, I was too scared that you wouldn't accept me." Genji explained to me and his words hurt me a bit. I wouldn't have cared what he looked like, he was still him and that was all that mattered to me. Genji took a few steps back and took his mask off the table to put it back on. "How about some fresh air? I think that would do you very good." he finally said. I agree to his suggestion and followed him down the corridors until we came to a balcony where we stood in the open air. The stars lit up the night sky and the moon lit up the base a bit. Genji leaned on the railing and looked up. I hesitantly stood next to him and also looked up at the stars. We stayed quiet for a while, just enjoying the view. I felt a bit guilty for leaving Hanzo in our dorm like that. But he would certainly understand that I needed time to process all the new information. I was so lost in thought that I didn't even notice Genji looking at me. It wasn't until he started speaking that he pulled me out of my thoughts. "How have the last few years actually been for you? I mean you and Hanzo..." he stopped briefly. "You seem like you're very close." he added and I noticed how difficult the topic was for him. I sighed and tried to find the right words for our situation, because it wasn't easy for me to talk about my relationship with Hanzo either. Because loving someone who isn't likely to reciprocate is pretty hard for me. "Hanzo and I may be married, but as you probably remember, only by force. For the past few years we've slept in separate rooms and only seen each other for meals or training together. He may not have spoken to me much, but he did always made sure I was okay." I told Genji, looking down at my fingers nervously. "But...you love him, don't you?" he asked cautiously and I noticed the vulnerability in his voice. "Not at first...all I could think about was you, I always hoped you'd come back...but over the years I've learned to love Hanzo. Even if he doesn't reciprocate." I said looking at Genji who gave me a short nod in response. "Can I ask you something?" I asked hesitantly which made Genji look at me again. "But of course, any time.". I didn't know if my question was inappropriate or awkward for him, but I just wanted to know. "Why, do you always wear your mask? Even now that we're alone."
Genji looked away and I thought he found the question inappropriate. But just as I was about to apologize, he began to speak. "It has taken me a long time to accept myself as I am and I have fully accepted the new me. However, I rarely take my mask off." I didn't want to ask any more questions and gave him an understandable smile. We stayed a while longer on the balcony and looked at the starry sky while we talked about the past and shared memories. Maybe Genji didn't look like he did a few years ago, but I want his company just as much as before. He really made me relax and forget my worries while we talked. I really enjoyed being able to finally talk to him again. However, I couldn't get out of my head that sooner or later I would have to go back to Hanzo in our dorm. What if he was mad that I left after the conversation. I was terrified that when I see him my feelings would go to my head again and I wouldn't be able to organize myself. I know sooner or later we'll have to talk, but right now I'm scared of the topic. In fact, I was also afraid that the subject might change my feelings towards him. Because despite everything, I really loved Hanzo and enjoyed his presence.
After some time Genji and I decided it was time to go back to our dorms, after all it was almost time to get up. We said goodbye with a hug before going our separate ways. I quietly and cautiously opened the door to my dorm, hoping I wouldn't wake Hanzo up.
But when I entered the room, the light was still on and Hanzo was sitting on the bed. He seemed to have already changed his clothes to go to sleep, but didn't seem to have managed to fall asleep. He sat shirtless, his bandages tied tightly around his wounds. His arms were resting on his legs and he was looking at the floor with his head bowed. I carefully closed the door. Hanzo's sight hit me hard, apparently not only he had troubled thoughts after this conversation. And apparently I wasn't the only one feeling bad after all that, maybe I shouldn't have just left. "Hanzo?" I said cautiously and as soon as he heard my voice he looked at me. His eyes were sad and it almost looked like he had been crying. "You are back!" he said relieved, with a slightly broken voice. He stood up immediately, hissing slightly in pain. "Hanzo, slow down." I said worried and took a few steps towards him. No matter how much the subject bothered me, I still worried about Hanzo, no matter what came between us. Hanzo slowly walked towards me. I felt myself getting more and more nervous the closer he got to me, but I didn't move an inch. "Listen I know this may all be hard to take, and I know you probably think I'm a monster... I-" I stopped him. "Hanzo, I don't think you're a monster, I can kind of understand why you did that. Even if that doesn't mean I condone it. I just need time to process all of this somehow. I know what you've had to go through, and I do know how you felt when you became the leader of the Shimada clan. Just bear with me to learn how to deal with the situation." I explained to Hanzo, in a calm tone. Hanzo seemed relieved that I didn't think as badly of him as he had thought. He took a few steps towards me and pulled me into his arms. My heart skipped a beat, and despite not being able to process the current situation, I still felt very safe in his arms. I carefully wrapped my arms around his back, trying not to hurt him. After a while we broke the hug and decided to sleep for the few hours we had left. As we lay in bed, my heart was racing like crazy and my stomach was tingling. I never thought that Hanzo and I would ever sleep in the same bed. Even though we were both turning our backs on each other. But after everything that had happened that day, it wasn't long before I fell asleep.