Spotlight Girl //a Jeremy Jordan Fanfic//

Julia's Diary (#5)

12th January 2003

Dear Diary,

It's been five months since I found out I was pregnant. All my friends started applying for colleges, taking their driving tests and doing all the stuff you're supposed to be doing at 16, not being cooped up in your room, going to midwife appointments every few weeks and being made to think day in and day out about the mistake you made that landed you in this situation.

Mum is adamant I should give the baby up for adoption, but that's only because I refused to get an abortion. We've fought back and forth on the subject and she told me if I was serious about keeping it, I'd have to raise it alone, no help from her or Dad for that matter. While that is such a scary scenario, being completely alone without my parents support, but still, I really don't want to give up this baby.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to race to the family computer and email Jeremy immediately, however Mum has forbidden me from ever getting in contact with him again. No phone calls, no texts, no emails. Nothing. We fought forever on this topic too.

He's the father of my child, he deserves to know!

That's why, a few weeks back, I decided to sneak downstairs in the middle of the night, log on to the family computer and email Jeremy telling him everything.

I hoped he would understand, he must be worried sick with me not emailing him for months! However, when I did indeed log on to the computer and signed in to my email...there was nothing from Jeremy.

I tried refreshing the page, searching through every email we ever exchanged together, dating back to the first one, checking the junk mail, but nothing! Not a single word from my boyfriend of coming up on 4 years now!

My heart sunk, but I tried not to dwell on it for too long as I opened a new message and began typing. This is the exchange that followed:

Hey Jeremy!

Sorry it's been so long since we last spoke! I bet it's been crazy with college, I'd love to hear all about it when you have the chance! However, the reason I am reaching out after so long is to bring you some pretty big news. I would've preferred to have this conversation in person or over the phone, but Mum has been very strict with me about getting in contact with, so I'll just have to come out and say it over email and I hope you won't be too upset with me over this but here goes:

I'm pregnant.

Remember back in August when you came over for the last time and we had that moment in the ocean? Well, turns out all it takes is one time and here we are.

I don't want you to think that I expect anything from you because of this, if you want nothing to do with this baby, I'll understand, but it didn't feel right not telling you and I hope you'll consider being a family with us.

Sorry for springing this on you after all these months,

Can't wait to hear from you.

miss u

Julia xx

I then sat back in the desk chair and waited. I felt sick to my stomach, not only because of the human currently squirming around inside of me, but also out of the sheer terror and panic I felt because of the anticipation!

It was just me, the foetus growing inside me and the tick ticking of the old cuckoo clock Dad made Mum for their wedding anniversary one year, waiting and waiting until finally, my email pinged with a new message. It was Jeremy:

Julia,

Wow, thanks for telling me but...there's something you should know.

I met someone else. It was during Freshman Orientation at school, there was alcohol and one thing led to another and I ended up kissing this girl. We've been going out for a few weeks now and we've gotten pretty serious. I didn't think to tell you because you've practically been ghosting me for months! I've missed you so much too but I guessed you moved on so, I did the same.

Congratulations on the pregnancy and all but, I'm really not interested in being a dad right now. do whatever you want with the baby, I honestly couldn't care less but if you could just not contact me ever again, that would be best for the both of us and that child.

Have a good life Julia,

Yours sincerely,

Jeremy

He couldn't be serious...could he? Tears blurred my vision and my hands were shaking as I tried to type a quick reply back to him but when I tried to send it. It bounced. I tried again. it bounced back again. A message had appeared both times: sorry, the account you are trying to reach does not exist.

I slammed the keyboard down in frustration, turned off the computer, and sat in the dark for a few minutes, silently crying to myself.

It's been a hard couple of weeks, but I guess it's for the best. A few days after he sent me that last email, I went up to mum and told her that if she really wasn't going to help me out, I would move out and go stay with Alice for a little while, which she argued over, of course, but in the end, she promised to support me in my decision to keep and raise the child by myself but that I always had a bed under their roof whenever I needed it.

Still, I went through with asking Alice if I could stay with her, packed up my stuff and am now currently sleeping in little Susie's room until the baby comes. Until then, I'm looking for a place of my own and a job so that I can actually support myself and this baby when he comes.

For some reason, I'm almost certain this baby will be a boy, I can just feel it.

The next time I write, the baby might even be here, I can't wait for him to arrive and I know that I'm gonna love him more than words could possibly say...I just wish Jeremy felt the same way.

All my love,

Julia