Kookie's Maknae {J.Jk}

4

The bizarre sound is making my vision turn red. Right on my ear, other my than my heartbeat echoing in my head, all I hear is scream. I breathed on to the glass, then drew a sad face on the steamed circle.

"That is enough!"

The chairs vibrated as I stomped over to the carseat, lifting Eunha by her underarms. Zero worry over her head not being supported. She could do it perfectly to the side, so the bell at the end of her beanie hangs beside her face. "Stop cryyyinng, all you ever do is cry. What do you want from me?! What?!?!" I lift her higher. Eyes falling on me now blankly.

My eye twitched. "I do everything you need and you still won't stop crying for five fucking minutes." My grip increasingly got tighter,  "I'm missing precious moments with my brothers thanks to you! I didn't ask for you, I don't want you." The veins on the top of my hands were visible, even though I'm stopping myself from squeezing her.

But I want to do it so bad. The strength to not want to shake her is taking over me.  "I hate you." I furiously whispered.

"Jungkook."

My eyes move to Namjoon and Yoongi horrified. I could hear myself breathing erratically, so I put Eunha out of my reach.  "Take her, Yoongi."

"What—no-"

"Please, Just take her." I forcefully put the baby against his chest which led him no choice but to hold her. I escaped the conference room clutching my chest, trying to not forget how to breathe. I shove myself into the bathroom, planning to throw the door shut but Namjoon stuck his foot in. "How the hell could you say something like that?"

"Because I'm angryy." I croaked and covered my face to stop myself from balling. "I hate missing activities because of her, I miss spending time with you guys like before. It feels like I'm alone."

Namjoon is blurry to my vision. Though I can tell he's upset.

I messed up. "Eunha is a month and half old, Jungkook, month and a half. She's a baby, she can't tell you how she's feeling in words. The only way she can communicate is by crying, it's not easy I know that. No one said it would be easy, but saying you hate her—no you do not say that."

"She doesn't understand—"

"Exactly she doesn't understand, Eunha doesn't understand what is going on. Too small, can't do anything unless someone has her, its the way she sees the world. She sees you, you're literally her world."

I remained quiet. I get what he's saying but really I feel bad that I'm getting scolded. "You feeling stressed is something she feels, her stress peaks too. You're her only safe spot, Jungkook. She's too small to find me or the others as a safe spot so she won't be happy if she's away from you too long. How would you feel if you were away from us too long?" Namjoon crossed his arms.

The thought terrified me to be honest. I couldn't bare to be separated from my boys. I only hope they feel the same about me. "I'm sorry. The exhaustion is throwing my logic out the window." I say after silence. "I do not hate Eunha. But I don't love her...yet—That sounds terrible." I drag my hand up and down my face in frustration.

There's a red carpet for me to hell for not knowing if my own flesh and blood is loved. I don't know how I feel about Eunha.

Sometimes I want to protect her with every fiber of my being, then other times I want leave her on somebody's doorstep. I hope I'm not the only one that feels this way.

Namjoon pressed his lips together, leaning against the sink and kept his glare on me. This Namjoon is a little intimidating, when he's in appa mode. "Look, it's okay to lose your cool, we all do, but you gotta know when to take a break. You don't have to do this alone, there's six of us. When you feel your patience is thinning just walk away or give Eunha to us."

I felt my jaw tighten because I cannot refuse that. Even if I wanted to. I nodded my head shamefully. Namjoon put his hand on my shoulder, "now say it with me 'I don't hate Eunha'."

I look down to hide my smile. "Cmon Maknae. Say it."

"I don't hate Eunha." I said and hold still while he looks into my eyes. Probably trying to check if I'm being genuine. "Okay, take deep breaths, and let's go back." He imitates a deep breath that I subconsciously copy.

Upon returning to the conference room I had been. Only the carseat was on the table beside a bouquet of flowers that also has small fruits impaled in there. I hold them up to Namjoon but he moved them back to me. "For you, from ARMY. The staff took the rest to our dorm."

I sniffed the roses, but ended up hitting plastic. I grab the item in between my fingers which is a gel giraffe. "It's a teething toy." Namjoon clarifies. My face drained of its color.

Oh crap they know.

"A woman passed me that wrapped in a present. She whispered in my ear that it is a chew toy for 'Kookie's Maknae'. It was the sweetest. I threw the box away and cleaned it before putting it on the bouquet."

"Thank you kind ARMY." I smiled, biting the giraffe surprised of the soft yet firm material. Okay one fan knows there's a little me in the world. I pray she does not spread it.

Namjoon picked up the carseat and I had the flowers. Searching for Yoongi and Eunha, since they were no where. We were about to go a floor up to the studio but we both froze at the heavenly sound of a piano. It came from the music room. Our heads peaked over the frosted crystal to Yoongi sitting on the grand piano.

Eunha secured on his lap and his arm around her.

I smirked at Namjoon who threw a bigger smirk back. The soft melody of blues perked our ears as we came up behind him.

"Why I like piano? Glad you asked. Its like I'm floating with the music." He spoke softly and suddenly played the piano faster with one hand flawlessly. Quietly I make my way around them to see Eunha focusing at the keys. "Is that a smile I see?"

Her rosy lips were slightly curved upward. Yoongi looked down to her, "she stopped crying when I started playing."

"She likes music. Definitely one of us. You should sing to her when she fusses. It could calm her." Namjoon suggested. "Also I think she dropped the latest album."

My eyebrows knit. "Yeah? Whats it called?"

"Blowout." Yoongi lifts her to me, and so I see her onesie is completely overflowing. Now I know what he means, I loathe blowouts. Namjoon started to laugh at my fairly disappointing expression when I held Eunha away from me. "Stop smirking, Baek, pisses me off."

For a while I tried different method to soothe Eunha's fussing. Rocking, swaying, swaddling, laying her over my chest. It all works now but suddenly I grew shy at the attempt to sing for her. Ridiculous how can sing in front of a big crowd no problem, but one baby? I'm nervous.

I switch on the lamp as I hovered over Eunha's crib. She's crying but more of a lonely cry instead of hunger. I've gotten to the point where I recognize her cries or any sound she makes. I bring her to the living room and sit on the sofa. Adjusting her on my knee I bounce my leg gently. I breathe in,

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night"

Eunha froze dead in her feelings to look at me shook. "Take these broken wings and learn to fly.." oh my god she's smiling. Her toothless smile is the prettiest happiest and it somehow got me tearing up. I could screech.
How would you feel if mom said she hated you? I wipe the long tear line on my cheek.

"I don't hate you Eunha."