Kookie's Maknae {J.Jk}

7

We were taken back to the dorms where were sat on our table with the crew around us. Its a cluttered mess up in here, we need more space.

"Our first location is.."

The crew slide a stack of travel tickets so we open them.  "Bergen, Norway." Hobi reads. Heck yeah we about to freeze our Asian butts off.  "Okay, so the rules are, you can only take things that can go on carry-on. And you have 50 minutes to gather things for ten days." I immediately booked it over the table and to my room. 

I skimmed over simple white t-shirts and packed semi-casual clothing, warm socks and gloves, hats. I could hear Taehyung and Namjoon talking about how many pairs of socks and underwear they should take.  "Why sound so aggressive?"

"I'm not, I'm so confused on where my socks go cause I can't find the others." Namjoon runs his fingers through his hair, just deciding to pack something else. 

I return to my backpack, starting to fold my hoodies. The crew invaded my room with the camera, I smiled, scratching my head.  "Everyone is having a mental breakdown. I can't find my camera." I lift up the mattress.

Why would your very expensive camera be under the mattress Jungkook? Its not just them having a breakdown. I found it luckily and tested it out,  "it captures my emotions." I give a thumbs up. We gathered at the table again once time is up. Jimin couldn't close his suitcase at all, he packed so much.  "I got medicine for emergency." Namjoon says as he sits.

"I got medicines for injury." Yoongi said like he just saved us from a pandemic.

"Is there a difference?" I asked confused, the crew laughed at it. What the actual fuck. We figured out that we'd have to do the travel process ourselves, without the crew's help. And we've never checked in the airport ourselves. Total confusion for about half an hour to get our boarding passes but we managed.

Norway

I lost a bet to Taehyung on who would lose their stuff first. I bet RM would obviously, he's the clumsiest, Tae bet Jimin would. Jimin left his bag on the bus after it dropped us at our destination. Too into the view and walked away. I lost a dub on that bet. Though thank god for Namjoon's english skills to help find a solution. Thankfully after a hustle, Hobi found Jimin's suitcase in time.

We honestly cant travel alone, we're amateurs. The house we stayed in is  super nice, way nicer than our dorm.  As I laid on my mattress I tried to call my mother.  "You called her two hours ago," Taehyung invaded my space to cuddle. 

"A lot can happen in two hours—hey mom how's Eunha?" I spoke into the phone.  "As I said prior she's doing fine. Have fun on your trip, Jungkook." My mother giggled on the other end. I felt myself blush.  "Wait do not hang up. Has she been fussy?"

"Not really, only when she's hungry. Other than that she's been really good."

I frowned. She doesn't miss me at all. We ended the call a few minutes later. I put my phone aside, completely forgetting Taehyung is on my other side.  "Everything okay?" He asked.  "Yeah, everything is fine. I'm only feeling a bit weird. Its quiet." We stay that way until we hear nothing but the ringing in our heads.  "Almost a year with her attached to your hip. How does it feel now?"

"Is it weird that I can smell her on me."

"You stink, Kookie, Eunha does not."

I punch his shoulder. I never stink. "We deserve this break, you deserve this break. So sleep well." Taehyung leaves me alone with my thoughts. Only the big window with the moonlight piercing through the crystal.

Before Eunha invaded my life I'd frequently brainstorm before falling asleep. I constantly worried about my future, worried about success in BTS. Things are going great for us but that does not mean we'll be more popular later on. I want to be able to look at my kid in the eyes and tell her that we started from the bottom and now we are at the top.

So much has happened that haven't been able to think for myself. I think for Eunha and I. It feels good to not worry about things that are out of my control. It would tear me apart to overthink though now the distractions are everywhere. My favorite being taking care of my daughter.

I open my eyes and its blurry.

I'm babbling softly before slowly my vision clears up. My mother is the person hovering over me happy as she holds me. She looks younger than she does now. "Hi Jungkookie," her warm lips touch my eye lids.

Am I dreaming?

My mothers face distorts into my own face in the present. Though I look angry when I hold myself up now. I think I'm Eunha now. I made one little sound but the me blew up.

"I hate you! All you ever do is cry, I never asked for you!" I screamed. I could hear myself crying as a baby to the harsh insults that I remember saying clear as day. But when my face warped back to my mother now insulting me, I thought I'd cry for real. "I never wanted you."

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty."

I squeezed my pillow tight and moaned, "quiet." I feel lightheaded.

"It's noon." I hear Jin say in my ear. I roll over, sitting up. The world spun for a few seconds as I focused on where I am. I overslept. And had another nightmare. The other night I dreamt I crushed Eunha to death because I was angry that I messed up choreography. I'm not having a good time. The guys don't know that. And we moved on to Sweden at the moment.

"Here ya go," I hurried to the kitchen, ignoring Jin and RM watching me. I wash the sippy cup I was given and pour milk in it, subconsciously covering the teat while I shake the cup.

My eyes closed as I did this.

I put the cup down and stare at it. I prepared a whole bottle of milk for WHO?? The guys started laughing while I embarrassingly stood by the sink. Taehyung politely grabbed the bottle from me, patting my head. "Thanks for the milk, appa. I like my milk shaken not stirred."

"Why would you do that, thats mean."

I rub my eyes, getting emotional. Crying was the last thing on my mind. Yet it happened in the most silent way. Namjoon rushed to hug me, putting his hand on the back of my head. "I'm—I'm sorry, we didn't intend for it to be mean, it was a bad joke. I'm sorry."

For days they teased me for doing thing's subconsciously such as making the bed for everyone or making exact portions of food. The funniest one being it the drinks staying at normal temperature, not too hot or cold. Even preparing milk right after waking up. 

It's just muscle memory now.

"It's not even the joke," My shoulders bounce. I choked on my own mucus, "this is the longest I've been away from Eunha, I miss her. I keep dreaming of awful things I've said to her or even thought about doing when I was angry. It's just...not a good feeling guys." I wiped my tears.

Yoongi got closer, while digging through his pocket. He opened his fist to drop a tiny light purple cotton mitten that belongs to Eunha. "I found it in my laundry yesterday."

I bring the mitten to my nose to take a whiff. It brought a flashback of Eunha laying next to me in bed while I napped. Her newborn hands softly hitting my face and my arm protectively over her to make sure she doesn't roll.

"You feel bad for what you said right?"

"Worse than anything I've said."

"Then learn from it. Not use it as way to tear you down. You're more patient thanks to that experience. First time parent remember?"

Namjoon's right, as always.

I need to see her.