Kookie's Maknae {J.Jk}

40

"My worst fear was Baek Eunha growing up and then finding out her father is world famous. Thinking he'd abandoned her for the idol life. You didn't deserve that and I know you you didn't deserve to have it hard either by raising her by yourself. But I knew you could give her the life I could have never been able to give her."

Still speechless, our eyes locked hard, waiting for one of is to break it. My chest hurts by holding my will to bust out in tears. As Joy explained her side, I dissected her vocabulary, body language. I've realized that she had rough relationship with her mother and that created a rebel. But she's changed, now she's an absolute saint.

"Did you...love her?"

At her silence, I rephrased my question. "Did you want to keep her?" Joy reached into her cross-bag and rubbed her thumb on the edge of a polaroid picture, before giving it to me. I lost it. Baek Eunha as a newborn laying on Joy's chest. Joy's tear stained cheeks and look of pain is what made me cry. "So tiny," I say.

"At that moment, I loved her more than life itself. I do still."

"I'm sorry, Joy.."

"Why?"

I licked the inside of my check, "all this time I pegged you as a downright horrible person. You never came back for Eunha, not a phone call or email, and by the time you did I thought you wanted nothing but trouble. I was wrong, I'm sorry."

"You're right, I was a terrible person back then, I was stupid. I'm no longer living with my mother, so I plan to be a better person—"

A screech interrupted her reply, as she turned her attention over my shoulder. Her eyes gleamed like stars at the sound of Baek Eunha squealing over something out of view. Joy put her hands together in a plea, "can I see her?" She said in a low, hushed voice.

I only turned my head to the side and heard steps coming. Jiwon had Eunha by the hand, then gave her a gentle push toward us.  "Come here, Toodles." I put my hand on her head after she comes to hug my leg, shyly hiding her face from Joy. Though she is looking straight at her.  "She's here to see you, say hello."

Baek Eunha slowly steps close to Joy who squats to receive her. 

"Oh, sweetheart. Hello..."

"Hii," Eunha meekly waves, staring directly at Joy's face.  "You're pretty."

"Oh, you're prettier. The prettiest flower in the world." Joy brings her hand to her lower eyelid to wipe a tear before it streamed. Trying so hard to not sob.  "She's so beautiful."

"Don't cry." Eunha brings her arm up, offering to wipe Joy's tear with her sleeve. To this she giggled but shook her head,  "thank you you're the kindest but I don't want to get your blouse filthy." 

"Ok."

"I'm Joy."

"I'm Baek Eunha! I'm four years old." She holds out four fingers, making me chuckle.  "Thats my appa!" She points back at me so I bow, smiling like a bunny. "Can I hold you, Baek Eunha?" She nods happily. I nodded at Joy after she gives me a look of permission. Then she swoops her into her arms, looking at her like just like a I do every time I return home. Imagine not seeing your baby for nearly five years.

Joy rested her hand on the back of Eunha's neck and lowered her over, kind of like a hug. And Eunha melted right into her as if she fell asleep, even her arms went limp. "Jeez, Toodles?" I was going to touch her back but then she started gently swinging her legs as a response. "She's chill."

"She never stays that still with me." I raised my brow but it was wiped away after Joy smiled. "I guess theres a preference haha. You don't know how much I longed for this moment, I'm eternally at peace now."