"Hey, Akashiro, mind if I come in?"
"What do you want?" I turned my body to face the wall, covering my face with the fluffy pillow the hotel had provided. "I don't want to talk to anyone... I doubt anyone wants to talk to me as well..."
"You know this COULD fuel Melancholy, right?"
"I looked it up. Melancholy is basically sadness. So I'm just channeling it and turning it into fear for Boko and Pump. Why the **** hadn't they stayed with Gatchmon?..."
"Because... they don't want you to be alone. Isn't that obvious?" I felt him sit on the foot of the bed, and I just curled up a bit more.
"After I made them this way? I... I have to figure out how to save them, but this guilt is scary. The fear, the anxiety..."
"I... get it. Hey, did my younger self ever mention that I was once close to losing Sai?"
"Mamo-nii..." Shin Kana spoke up.
"It was my fault, Nana. I was the one who fell for Elf Kaballa's lies. My desire to change the world was warped and... even now, sometimes I wonder if Sai and I were meant to be."
I shifted a bit under the covers. Tamamo-san...
"But despite that, when I faced off against Ayumi in Aibou Academy, when I was being watched by everyone who had seen me literally cause Gao to be corrupted and turned into Broken World's puppet, when Sai was... so close to fading off..." his voice cracked. "I... I found joy right there."
"H-Huh?!" THAT made me shoot up. "What the heck!? You were HAPPY about-"
"No, I wasn't... Of course, I was still hurt." Light pink eyes looked back at me, filled with tears as he continued while tugging at his navy blue ponytail slightly. "But I learnt to focus on the present. On the Buddyfight in front of me. That day began the sparks of Buddyfighting in my soul. The real reason I'm here today as a professional Buddyfighter who goes around to spread it around is because of that one day, when I learned... that the more you fear losing someone, the more you push them away, when really, you need to spend the most time with them. You're trying to minimise the emotional impact it may have on you... but Eos, the truth is that after they're gone... you're going to miss them more than anything. You're going to lament and blame yourself for not spending enough time with them. The guilt will tear you apart."
"Tamamo-san..." He was... right. I didn't want to lose Pump and Boko, but after all the losses in my life, after everything, from losing Pump, from the sorrow, from the sheer emotions involved in solving cases... I found that I was... numb to the pain. I wanted nothing more than to rid myself of this pain, even if it meant signing myself up for more guilt later on. A temporary solution that wouldn't work in the long run.
"I know it's tough, but... you shouldn't give up. It's scary, but isn't life like that?" He asked. "It's scary. You don't know where it might lead you. And honestly? Isn't it better to feel ****ty because you did feel something instead of melancholic?"
Shin Kana-san nodded. "Trust me, melancholy is not pleasant."
"Look, the pain you feel... hold onto it. Make it fuel to spend every moment you have with them."
"But... shouldn't we be looking for solutions to save them instead of giving up?"
"That's not your decision to make, Eos. That's Pumpmon and Bokomon's call. Whether they want to find the cure, or whether they want to die. It's not yours."
"But... Mei will be sad if they die... Neemon, Herissmon, Bakumon... And... I'll be gone next year anyway..."
"Then treasure every minute you have with them. Don't distance yourself. Because these raw feelings... They mean you cared for them, and that beats melancholy in the long run. I promise you that someday, you'll look back on these feelings, and... You'll be happy you had them, because the memories will carry on in here." He placed a hand on my chest.
YOU ARE READING
Digimon Ghost Game: Spiritual Digi-lemma
Fanfic"Dad told me to try a diary. Very old-fashioned, I know. And I was VERY vocal about it, but he did offer that it could let others know about my project, and that... sorta sold me? I would just hand this over to Mei in my will. All embarrassing secre...
