[TAENYFic] 10 Years to Realization (completed)

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Drama, that's one words that described my life, especially at second and last year at Junior Highschool. Tears and laugh; love and hate; changed rapidly. I still remember i could think and cry all alone until the sun comes up about everything, life,parents, sins, die, friends, love, and her. I think Junior highschool was the worst path on my life.

Knowing the reasons of my parent divorced, saw them remarried again without asking me, betrayed by friends, committed big sins, tried illegal things, almost commit suicide, taste the worst love and met her.

But now i realized everything i passed on my life built me who i am now. The cold, the wise, the independent, the thoughful and the mature Kim Taeyeon.

I look at the window, the rain had stopped and people start walking again on the pavement. I took a glace at my watch, it's almost 1pm, i have been waitting for her almost 3 hours! Great, i always wait for her, and she always piss me off but when we meet, she could erase my anger in a second. She always amazing, i don't understand why she could do that to me. she always amazing like that.

Speaking of her, my relationship with her have been turn on and off. After my dramatical Junior highschol ends with the highest point when i cried in front of her, poured my trouble to her, I cut the thread that tied us.

I'm the one who cut the thread, then i'm the one who watched her from a far, then i'm the one who crawled back to her. Irony.

Although we are far away, i know what her activities, who is her friends and bestfriend, even i know who is her crush. I sounded like crazy psychotic, but i just want to know everything about her, while she never know i do that. But she didn't feel distrubed by my presence so i didn't counted as psycho right?

Right.

I know everything about her not because she told to me, it because i watch her. I watch her, studied her movement, read her expression and remember her habit. And once when she ready, she will tell me about everything.

One day she told me about her dream-guy, eventhough i knew it before she told me, i still pretend to know nothing, listen to her carefully and i still remember when she told me it was almost 6 pm, the amber sky slowly changed into dark sky.

'I have a crush, he remind me of you, ofcourse not phsyically but his behaviour etc.. He's calm, cool and careless like you, but somehow he very care to me.. like you.'

On that time many questions popped on my head; Is he really similar with me?Why you choose a boy who reminds you of me?Why you search a guy who have behaviour like me?Why you do that?Are you do that because you want me? Are you do that because you love me?Are you do that because we are just a girl, and we are impossible to be together then you search person who similar with me so when you with him you will feel like you were with me?

Oh no.. that's impossible right? That's only my fantasy right? That's only my delusional mind right? Right?

Right