[TAENYFic] 10 Years to Realization (completed)

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With heavy steps i drag myself to my apartement. I placed the pink box that she gave on the table, then i throw myself to the couch beside it. I look at my white ceiling pointlessly while my mind wandering think about her again.

What's wrong with you Tae? Why you doing silly experiment again?Why you run away again?Why you leave me again?Why you doing this again?Did i do something wrong?Did i hurt you?Did i neglect you?Did i-sigh.

I admit Tae.. I'm blind, i'm dumb, i don't undestand you, but i try to understand you. But why you keep doing this?Why you not saying what you want? Strightforward with me Tae, don't be like this.. because i don't want to indirectly hurt you again.

I can't say we're just a bestfriend, we're more than that. You're important for me and i don't want to lose you, i don't want you leave me again, i don't want you run away again, please talk to me, what's wrong?What's wrong?! I don't understand your mixed signal!

Now my eyes feel like burning and i know i'm crying because of you again.

I don't understand why you doing this again, run away from me and watch me from a far. I know you said 'I need to run away to know whoever run after me, wait for me, or even didn't know that i left', but that's wrong Tae you couldn't keep doing that because you know i can't run after you.

The reason why i always waiting for you comeback, i don't run after you, i don't hold you back, i don't searching you, i don't force you because i know you are too fragile, your heart's too weak, even for me a person that know you for almost 10 years, you're still too fragile, i can't hold your heart, i can't force you. I realize you through many things and that's too much, you have see and feel the bitterness of life since you're a kid, you got many trauma and invisible scars on your heart. And if i hold you back, i know you'll hurt more and you'll still run away. Sorry for not run after you TaeTae, but i always think waiting for you is the best way.

You know tae, you still like a maze for me, a unique puzzle that God made, the hardest mathematic problem that i can't solve, you're the angel in disguise and a humble saint. You are the most unique person that i've ever met, you are the most kind person that i've ever knew, you're the most selfless person that i've ever knew, you always know how to treat me well, you always know how to make me smile, you always know how to help me stand up when i feel weary, you always sacrifice for me, you always like that, and sometimes that's too much, sorry that i couldn't pay you back, sorry that i can't pay your kindness, sorry that i can't pay your-

Your love back...

I can't love you in that way, that's a big sin Tae.. eventhough i want.

Sorry, sorry, i really sorry for this.. But can you stay by my side even i can't love you like you do?Can we share laughter and tears together again?Can we stay together like inseperateable old couple?Can we become like we used to be? Can we?Can we Tae?

Because Tae you should know, even though you come and go, even though i passed many years without you, even though i have many great friends, even though i have a crush, even though you are not here by my side and just make me cry like this.. you're still my everything Tae, you're still the one, you're still have special place on my heart, no matter what happened, no matter what happens.