BTS OneShot Collection

First/Worst Love (NamJin) Angst

Namjoon's POV

Kim Seokjin,

Not long ago, I only knew you in passing. We've never spoken more than a polite greeting to each other a couple of times in the office. However, I feel that I would be doing you a disservice if I don't say this.

I know you were unaware that Soo Yun and I were together. I know she made the first moves, and I don't fault you for falling for her charm. She has always been amazing at catching the eyes of everyone around her.

I remember when she and I first met. It was similar to this. She and I met at the office of my previous job. She needed assistance with some paperwork and came to me for help. The charm was instant. I can honestly say that I fell for her that day, as she gracefully accepted my tutelage.  It grew from there, rather quickly. Work help became a casual coffee date. That soon became a first date. In under a month, we were officially dating.

It was all like a dream. The rush and fever of my first love was all I could feel. It was like a high, a never-ending buzz. She always wanted to be together; shopping, going to the movies, facetime calls. I can't even think of a moment when we were apart for more than a few hours.

I even transferred to this current office at her request to be nearby even during work hours. All I could do was answer her every call and know that she was my first love. It was true. It was pure. It was all-consuming.

Maybe I was blinded by her charm and grace. Maybe I was too naïve to see what was happening. Her love was like a raging fire. It set everything aflame, and I couldn't even care. I couldn't see past it.

It kept me locked in. I stopped contacting my family and friends. All I knew was her. Perhaps I knew, somewhere deep down, that something was wrong. If I contacted anyone and explained this love to them, I might have been warned, as I'm telling you now.

Have you ever seen love-bombing in action? After all this, I can say that I have. It's beautiful and fulfilling when it's happening, when you're unaware of what lies beneath the actions.

Soo Yun sucked me in and kept me in her warm embrace night after night. Her lingering kisses left me craving for more. Her touch was always so gentle that I couldn't fathom imagining the pain those touches could cause. Her eyes, the windows to her soul, were so entrancing that I couldn't see what they could show me.

Her smile is one of her most alluring attributes. It's the way her lips curl and the smile meets her eyes in such a way anyone would mistake as genuine.

You've seen it. That smile that's so contagious that you find yourself smiling back at her, no matter how you were feeling beforehand. Each time I would see you smile back at her, I lost a part of myself.

It wasn't until after she left me that this pain started. I thought you two were just becoming good work colleagues. I had no idea until the breakup that she had found someone new.

You are quite the charmer yourself, you know. As we don't really know each other well, I can't say from first-hand experience, but the talk of you around the office is always positive. Not to sound self-important, but I would like to think I was the same way at my previous office. I had so many friends there, and the higher-ups trusted me with special projects, as is with you too.

That may be what drew Soo Yun to me then and to you now.

For months after she left me, I was devastated. The constant bombarding affection I'd grown accustomed to receiving was suddenly gone. It was as if a switch flipped in the night. She left me with no warning, saying I was no longer what she wanted. I was boring and didn't stir feelings in her anymore.

Why am I telling you all of this? I'd said that I am writing this to warn you, right? Why would you need a warning about such a charismatic, beautiful woman?

It took me these past few months to heal and come to terms with the breakup. And in that time, I finally opened my eyes and saw that relationship for what it was.

Soo Yun used me. She love-bombed me and tore my whole world apart while I was blissfully unaware. I lost contact with all my friends. A distance grew between me and my family. I transferred to a new office where I had none of the benefits of being known as a reliable employee and gave all my previous projects to other people. I grew alone, with Soo Yun as my only company, showering me with so much love and affection at all times that I couldn't notice what I was losing.

All the while, I used my position in the office to refer Soo Yun for a promotion, at her request, which she got. My paychecks were spent more on her wants than my own needs.

And as I have spoken to a few colleagues in our office about my progress, they've told me something I wish I had known sooner. The thing that opened my eyes fully.

Soo Yun had told them months in advance that she was going to leave me for you. They knew. They all knew. When she eventually broke up with me and gave me the bitter news, I became the last to know that it was over.

Soo Yun was my worst love. It was all a sham, fake. She used me, and I can only hope that you won't be used as well.

If she does to you what she did to me, I hope you see the signs and leave before it's too late. Because if she waits until you're all used up and she finds someone new, probably in a higher position,

You'll be the last to know.

Warm Regards,

Kim Namjoon