BTS OneShot Collection

The Face Inside (TaeGi) ANGST

TW: CONTAINS SEVERE ANXIETY AND SELF-HARM

It was the same thing over and over again. Taehyung would mess up and internally scold himself. He would say something that didn't quite fit with an ongoing conversation and scold himself for being weird or awkward. He smiled on the outside, but on the inside, he bullied himself for not being the best that he could be.

Coming home after a hard night at work, Taehyung was in a terrible mood. He had done everything he could at his job and still didn't feel satisfied with his performance. He should have done better, right? Working an overnight job was tough, but he knew he could do it. So why was he having so much difficulty? He was a friendly person. So why did he have no friends at work?

As soon as he entered his apartment, he was greeted by Yoongi, who was sitting in the living room."Hey, Tae. How was work?" Yoongi was just watching TV and snacking on some chips. He was Taehyung's roommate and always made sure to greet him every time he came home.

"The usual." Taehyung made his way over to the couch and plopped down beside Yoongi, who offered the bag of chips to him. He declined though. He didn't feel like snacking.

"Wanna talk about it?" Grabbing the TV remote, Yoongi muted the volume."I'm all ears whenever you need me. You know that, right?"

Taehyung let out a heavy sigh."Yeah, I know. I just don't feel like talking about it." He didn't think that talking about it would make any sort of difference."Was your night good at least?"

Since he was living with a night shift worker, Yoongi had fixed himself to the night shift schedule as well. His job was different from Taehyung's though."Oh yeah. My night was great. I did the usual stream in the evening then spent the late hours working on a video."

"Sounds like a productive night." Taehyung wished he could have done the same thing as Yoongi, streaming games and making YouTube videos. However, he didn't think he would like being on camera so much. Yoongi didn't seem to mind it though. Feeling tired and rather down, Taehyung decided not to stick around right now."I'm tired." he said as he stood.

"Oh. Heading to bed?" When he got a nod in response, Yoongi set his bag of chips aside."Shouldn't you have something small to eat at least?"

Taehyung shook his head just a little."Nah, I'll eat later." Walking away, he headed straight to his bedroom to change into his pajamas. Once he was in his pajamas, Taehyung got into bed and made himself comfortable. However, he ended up just lying there. He was so tired and very comfortable, but he couldn't relax enough to sleep.

He didn't know how long he laid there, but he slipped into a weird state. He was so dreary that he reached the state of drooling and feeling heavy, but he wasn't quite asleep. His brain was swarming with thoughts that kept him from finding the sweetness of dreams.

Why can't I be better at my job? He found himself thinking. Of course, that wasn't a new thought. It was something that he thought quite often. It always came with other similar thoughts.

I broke a jar this time. Why am I so clumsy? He hated the fact that he tended to accidentally drop things--oftentimes breakable things--at his job.

I got scolded again. Taehyung's manager scolded him a lot whenever he accidentally broke things, telling him that he needed to be more careful. The manager would say that he was just concerned that Taehyung might end up hurting himself by accident, but it always made Taehyung feel like he was in big trouble every time.

No one talks to me because I'm annoying and awkward. At least, that was what he thought. Every time he said anything to anyone at work, regardless of their reaction or response, he would always internally scold himself for sounding stupid. They probably think I'm an idiot. He would think to himself. Why couldn't I come up with something cooler to say? It bothered him so much that nothing he said ever seemed good enough.