Un•A•Were

18| Broken

Amanda's POV:

I run back down the path to my house, drenched by the sudden rainstorm. I slam the front door and race upstairs to my now empty room. I fall to the floor and allow my sorrow to consume me. I allow my tears to fall freely without bothering to wipe them away, knowing more will come. I don't know how long I was there on the cold, hardwood floor, listening to the rain, listening to my low sobs reverberating off the walls of my bedroom, but nothing mattered in this time and space. How could Bryan have done this to me, to my mom, my dad? I cringe at the thought of my dad. He never hurt anyone in his life. How could Bryan kill someone at such a young age? How could he trick me into caring for him? What sick game was he playing with my head and my heart? I thought he cared for me. A knock on my bedroom door brings me out of my spinning, confused mind.

"Mandy? Are you in there? Can I come in?" Sam's voice echoes through the door. I sit up and wipe my face for the first time, trying to pretend I hadn't been crying.

"Come in." I whisper, trying to remove the knot from my throat. She opens the door and immediately sits beside me and holds me close. I can't hold back as another wave of tears are already falling. Thunder claps and lightning flashes outside my bedroom window.

"Ssssshhhhh, I'm here. It's okay. Just cry it out." Sam coos. After a while, the sorrow turns to numbness and the tears dry up. I sit up and look at Sam with her eyes red from shedding her own tears.

"He killed him, Sam! My dad's dead because of Bryan!" I breathe in deeply to stifle my tears. "I have to leave, Sam. I can't stay here especially knowing..." my voice trails off. My heart hurts so much.

"I know." she whispers, knowing I'm not going to change my mind about leaving early. After a brief moment of silence, "I'm going to miss you so much! And bish, I better get phone calls, texts, FaceTimes, emails, letters, whatever on the daily." I chuckle at my best friend. She always knows how to make me smile even in the darkest of times. It's short-lived, but I appreciate her effort.

"Please tell Luke goodbye for me and I will call you both as often as I can. I was supposed to leave in the morning, but I think the drive will help me clear my head. Since mom is out of town, I guess I've said all the goodbyes I need to." I stop to catch my breath, knowing this may be the last time I see this house. We stand up and walk downstairs. Sam pulls me into a bear hug.

"I love you, bish." She whispers, again fighting back her own tears.

"I love you, too." We step out onto the front porch. I close and lock the door. The rain seems to have passed, but the dark clouds still linger up above. We make slow steps toward my fully packed Jeep. Luckily, I left the top on. I take one last look at my house and then, at Sam. "I'll call you when I get there."

I climb into the driver's seat, pull my hair into a ponytail, turn up the radio, and drive out of town. I send a wave back to my best friend still standing in my driveway.

I honestly don't know if driving in my condition is the best choice, but I have to get out of here. My heart is so shattered at Bryan's confession. I make my way onto the interstate heading south.

My mind begins to drift as the setting sun floods my rear-view mirror. The sky fills with a beautiful array of colors: blues turn to pinks, reds, oranges, yellows, and purples. I see the moon begin to rise, pushing the sun beneath the horizon.

The past year flashes like a yearbook of memories in my mind. Bryan's first attempts to break the silence and "get to know me" throughout our classes. Prom and graduation. My sobs erupt at those two because there was such happiness and love intertwined. And now? There's still happiness and love, but it's tainted.

I try hard to focus on my dad. I can see his face, but it's difficult to remember his voice, his smell, his hugs. No, that's not true. I remember his smell. It was like a sea breeze. The salty smell drifting off the ocean's surface mixed with pine. Huh, his smell is very similar to Bryan's. Stop it, Mandy. He killed your father! Tears fall again, but I keep my eyes focused on the road. I crank up the radio and use music to heal my cracked soul. I belt out the words as if my life depends on it.

It's about 9 pm when I roll into Cedar Creek. This is where I will call home for the next four years, maybe longer. How different my life is now than it was yesterday? How quickly life turns on a dime?

After finding my dorm and the correct parking lot, I take a few minutes to compose myself. I look in my visor mirror for the first time, only to be met with a shell of the girl I once knew. My eyes and face tinted red, my ponytail disheveled, and my skin pale. This is what heartbreak looks like.

After fixing my hair and wiping my face with a wipe, I get out of my Jeep and walk toward the front door. There is a young college girl sitting at a desk in the front living room area. She looks up at me and asks for my name. After a brief interaction, she finds my information and hands me a key to my room and a map of the dorm and campus. I nod and head toward the elevator.

Since it's late, I decide the unpacking can wait until morning. I get off on the third floor and find my room. As I enter, I realize the room reflects how I feel...empty. Before I break down again, I decide to call Sam. The phone rings.

"Hey babe, did you make it alright?" Sam questions even though she knows the answer.

"Yeah, I'm here." I allow the silence to fill the line.

"Mandy, I know you're hurting, but I want you to promise me one thing?"

"Yeah, what's that?"

"Don't shut down and don't shut anyone out. And I mean anyone. There are more chapters to this story. Take the time to heal. But, I swear to Goddess, I will crush you if you even think about going rogue." Sam threatens.

"Ha, interesting phrase...going rogue. You're right, I need time away, time to heal, and time to process. I'm sorry I had to leave like I did. My heart is broken..." I stop before the tears fall again. "I need to sleep. I'll call you tomorrow. Love you."

"I love you, too, bish. Good night." I hang up the phone and curl up on the first bed I come to in the room. Sleep takes me easily.