Confession|Taekook

8. detached

Taehyung clutched his leg helplessly and whimpered. He twisted his ankle while practicing the choreo for his new solo song. And of course, Jungkook was right there, hyping him up. Taehyung was too immersed in pain to notice Jungkook walking up to him, frowning with concern. He grabbed Taehyung's ankle to inspect it and Taehyung felt weird at the touch, it felt different, it felt electric.

And all of Taehyung's confusion and pain turned into rage.

"Stop fucking touching me!" Taehyung snapped, catching Jungkook off guard.

"Oh, I'm sorry hyung, did I put too much pressure on it? Did it hurt?"

It did hurt but for a different reason.

"Stop messing around with me! I already rejected you. What more do you want from me? I will never love you back so stop being nice to me, don't hope for anything in return.

"You throwing yourself on me is not going to change a thing" Taehyung pants and the immediate regret that comes with his words settles deep inside Taehyung when he sees Jungkook's face crumble but he knows it has to be done.

Jungkook composes himself, eyes blank, face void of any expression.

"Today will be the last time I touch you hyung, I promise and I'm sorry" He says, matching his voice with his expression, void, not giving away anything. He slides one of his arms under Taehyung's neck and wraps it around his shoulder, he secures another arm behind his knees and heaves him up.

Out of instinct Taehyung's arms wrap around Jungkook's neck, cheek pressed against Jungkook's hard chest. Jungkook thinks it's because of the pain in Taehyung's ankle when his hands clutch at the back of Jungkook's shirt and tighten around the fabric and the soft controlled sobs that leave his mouth but actually it's because of the warmth that seeps through Jungkook and fills Taehyung.

Taehyung won't feel this warmth after today, Jungkook won't touch him after this, let alone hug him close. He sobs because the pain in his ankle numbs because of the hurt he feels in his heart.

Jungkook is no different, he wants the time to go fast and slow simultaneously, he wants to drop Taehyung as soon as possible but also keep holding him. He wants to unhand Taehyung because the older doesn't like his touch and because he doesn't know for how long he will be able to keep his tears at bay, he wants to hold him close because he will not be allowed to touch Taehyung anymore, let alone hold him close like this. He won't be able to hold him close again, Taehyung is annoyed at his touch. It has happened finally, he has managed to ruin their bond.

They reach the common room, Jungkook puts Taehyung down on the couch. Taehyung reluctantly lets go of Jungkook's shirt, sniffling. The younger goes to the fridge, opening it and grabbing ice cubes in a container. He kneels in front of Taehyung, puts the container down and pulls out a handkerchief out of his pocket.

Jungkook holds his calf and raises his leg up to ice it. He grabs a piece of ice with the handkerchief and presses the bare end to Taehyung's swollen ankle, making him hiss. Jungkook doesn't look up, he continues to gently rub the ice around the affected area.

Taehyung's eyes well up again at how careful Jungkook is with him, he treats him as if he would break if not handled with care. He freezes when suddenly droplets of warmer temperature fall on his cold ankle. He jumps a little when Jungkook shoves the handkerchief wrapped ice in Taehyung's hands and rushes out of the room saying 'do it yourself'. Taehyung didn't miss the tremble of his shoulders and it doesn't take a genius to know why Jungkook ran away. Taehyung managed to make Jungkook cry. Again. And he hates it with his entire existence.

Jungkook knew it was only a matter of time before he'd break. He couldn't keep it in so he rushed out. He hates it when people see him cry. He swears on his hurt and tears that he won't bother Taehyung again. The depth of his love for him will be his only strength and weakness.

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Tw/ feeling of panic, panic attack

Jungkook had gotten through the day as if he was a robot. Now that he's in his room his chest constricts and shoulders tremble as he remembers Taehyung's words. They had cut deep and lodged themselves in his heart, it hurt with every beat. The lump in his throat makes it difficult for him to breathe. He waits for the hurt to settle but it doesn't.

It becomes even more unbearable with the realisation that their relationship is wrecked. All those years of being each other's comfort, each other's home has been destroyed. He can't go running to his hyung when something bad or inconvenient happens. He can't comfort Taehyung when he's sad or hurt.

All these things he realises make it harder for him to breath, it's sudden when his hands start cramping and pins and needles sensation fills his body. His breathing is ragged and fast, exhaling more than inhaling. He somehow manages to grab a spare polythene lying in his night drawer and breathes in it. He has to do it himself now that there is no Taehyung caring for him. Taehyung hates him.

Tw/ over

All thoughts leave his mind as his body starts to slow down, he falls asleep like that- tears drying over his face, hands sore, not under the sheets, far from comfort, far from Taehyung.
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