Confession|Taekook

9. Ugly Feelings

Flashback:
The night before:

The day after tomorrow, Taehyung promises himself it will be the day he tells Jungkook about what he's been feeling lately and why he avoided him.

He's really nervous though so he wants advice and what's better than the internet. But he forgets his question and his face is painted with a confused frown when he catches the headline of an article.

Boy group to disband as two members fall in love with each other. Click here to know more.

And Taehyung does click on it.

Tw/ homophobia (just in case)

Boy group 'Ruby' to disband due to massive hate and plummeting views on MVs and album sales. The rumours of two members dating each other have been confirmed by the agency and majority of the netizens have shared their annoyance and disappointment over their relationship. Their fans have started to boycott their music and are encouraging the others to do the same. #Ruby_disband has been trending since the last few days and the group has been left with no choice but to go forward with disbandment because of their bleak future.

Tw/ over

The next words blur for Taehyung as fear encompasses his mind, his whole being, he is terrified. A boy band has been driven to disbandment because of two of its members dating. He can't have that. They've worked so hard, they've come so far. He can't be selfish. He can't waste everyone's efforts.

He still remembers their trainee days and how difficult they were, how they all broke their bodies in hope of doing better, even if it was a little, everyone had cried at some point, in front of their parents, one of the members they were close with or alone.

He remembers when Jimin had worked on a song for months but it was dismissed with an unimpressed look from their team, they were so young back then.

He had come to Taehyung then and seeing Jimin heartbroken like that, crying inconsolably in his arms over wasted efforts had made him cry along, he knew how hard he had worked on it, how excited he was to show it to everyone.

And now that they've come this far. Now that Suga hyung finally believes more in himself and his talent, now that Hobi hyung doesn't look in the practice room mirror with discontent because of his moves over some hate comment. Jin hyung finally believes that his voice is worth more and he's not just the 'face' of the group, he never showed it but Taehyung knows it.

Joonie hyung at last believes he succeeded as a rapstar even though he still doesn't give himself much credit, along the path of teaching self-love he has learned to love himself. Jimin smiles now, at his past self and believes self-validation is the best validation.

Jungkook, the golden maknae, the perfectionist, over these years he has come to learn that it's okay if he's not good at everything, even though he is at most of them. He doesn't beat himself over these things anymore, he believes in himself now.

And him? Taehyung has finally set a firm foot in the industry, tried so many things: acting, writing, producing, modelling. He's come far as an artist. He cannot put all of this on line just so he can have the luxury of living a cute, little love story. He's sure Jungkook will understand this as well but there is no point in letting Jungkook know that he likes him back if he is not going to be in a relationship with him. So he decides against telling Jungkook how he really feels. He keeps it in to keep everything else from falling apart.

Flashback over.

Everytime Taehyung looks at Jungkook these days, he looks lifeless, worn out and just upset with everything. It's been a week since Taehyung's outburst and things are starting to go back to a new normal little by little. New as in not talking to Jungkook, Jungkook avoiding every situation that could potentially make him touch Taehyung, and awkward encounters of the duo.