Confession|Taekook

the sound of waves and heartbreak

Taehyung and Jungkook. Names that are often taken together. As friends, as bandmates, as a ship. It's as if one cannot exist without the other. As if you're bound to think about the other when you think of either. Inseparable. That's what they are really, but the nature of their relationship is a mystery. It's the most difficult part to figure out, for everyone. The fandom, the members, and Taehyung and Jungkook as well.

'What are we?' 'What are they?' are the questions often raised and no one knows what the answer to them is. Not even the boys in question.

It's difficult, it's suffocating and it's painful, to try and suppress what Jungkook feels for his hyung. He thinks he knows what he feels for Taehyung and he's done hiding it, he's done masking it with friendship and care when he knows it's far more than that. It scares him, the depth of his feelings. But he knows one thing for sure, Taehyung will never ever abandon him. Never.

His hyung never says no to him, always gives in to his stubbornness. Taehyung has always taken care of him. He remembers the nights when he cried in his bed, thinking he didn't give his all that day. Taehyung was always there with him, holding him, hugging his back, placing kisses on his nape and stroking his hair. He let him cry in silence. He hugged him from behind because he knew Jungkook didn't like it when people saw his crying face.

What he didn't know however was that Taehyung cried with him. Taehyung hated seeing Jungkook cry. Jungkook to Taehyung is what Sun is to Moon. Taehyung knows he loves Jungkook very much but he is about to question what kind of love it is and whether it resonates with the type of love Jungkook has for him.

Jungkook is done running and denying. He's tired and his heart aches everytime he is reminded Taehyung isn't his. When Taehyung smiles and when it's directed at Jungkook, he feels exhilarated. He wants to be the cause of more of Taehyung's smiles, it's becoming a need and to keep Taehyung smiling he needs the older to be by his side.

Jungkook doesn't know when his sweet and innocent admiration for his Taehyungie hyung turned into want and desire and more. Just more. He wants to spend more time with him, he feels more for him. And now he wants more, needs more.

So he decides he's done suppressing his feelings, he'll let them flow naturally. He decides he will confess.
Jungkook takes Taehyung out to the older's favourite place, Jeju. He had asked him if he would go on a trip to Jeju when they had their days off and of course Taehyung agreed. Because no one says no to the baby. His baby.

And now they're here in Jeju, Jungkook has planned everything out. He's certain everything's going to play out the way he has imagined. He starts by taking Taehyung to the beach.

"It's so beautiful, Gukk-ah" Taehyung says and smiles at him, the wide boxy one, Jungkook's favourite.

And Jungkook's heart does that thing again, the thing it always does when Taehyung smiles because of him.

"It's faint in front of your smile, hyung. You're the prettiest." Jungkook says, he's going to confess anyway so being bold with Taehyung is only going to do him good, and he would do it again and again to see the blush that covers Taehyung's cheeks now.

Taehyung just shoves him playfully and mumbles a 'stop it' but Jungkook grabs his hands and places a kiss on his knuckles, Taehyung stills for a moment, he wonders why the younger is so flirty and touchy today. But he is not given enough time to dwell on it when Jungkook says, "Hyung there is something that I must tell you."

And with a bated breath, Taehyung waits. The words that spill out of Jungkook's mouth, even with the younger's honey voice, those words make Taehyung feel bitter.

"I love you, hyung. I am in love with you. Will you go out with me?" Jungkook had said. With a blush rivaling the sunset and eyes rivaling the stars.

But the blush of shyness changed into a blush of embarrassment and the sparkle in his eyes was not from excitement but tears because Taehyung had replied what Jungkook had not even considered.

"What are you saying Gukkie? We're just friends." Taehyung could not hide the confusion and fear on his face. His smile hardens and he fumbles to find words. It was dizzying to feel whatever he was feeling right now. His favourite person in the world just confessed to him and he doesn't know how to respond because they are friends. Just friends. Nothing more nothing less.

He knows it's the right thing to reject the younger because he knows he doesn't feel the same but he doesn't want to lose Jungkook. He doesn't want to lose what they had built over the years. He doesn't want to ruin his safe place.

"Nothing has to change between us, we can forget this ever happened and go back to what we were." Taehyung rushes, too afraid to change anything between them. It's all he can say to keep them from falling apart.

And Jungkook is scared too. He doesn't want to lose Taehyung either. He doesn't think he can move on from him but he knows he can conceal it. He can try to. So in panic and fear he agrees to it. What he doesn't anticipate is the pain that would come with it.

"I should leave" Jungkook says and turns, not waiting for Taehyung's reply.

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Jungkook wants to laugh at himself, he probably does, he doesn't know anymore, he doesn't know what it is that he's feeling right now because the voice in his head is too loud. The voice that tells him how stupid he is. He agrees with it because how could he forget the reason why most people don't confess. How could he not consider the possibility of rejection. But then again he could blame it on Taehyung because he has never said no to him. Well at least till today.

It dawns on him, slowly. He was rejected. He was rejected by the love of his life, Taehyung doesn't love him back and that will always be the truth. It hurts, nothing hurt like this before. The only thing he can console himself with is that they are still friends, that Taehyung cares enough about him to not just leave him. Or is it because it will affect the environment of the group and fandom? He doesn't know anymore. It's difficult enough to digest the fact that his feelings are unrequited.

The first tear drops when he checks his phone for time and he looks at the lock screen wallpaper- Taehyung, with a wide boxy smile, hugging him, and then there's no going back. He cries, he doesn't know for how long, he falls asleep on the wet pillow without the comfort of arms that always console him.

Jeon Jungkook had his first heartbreak at the age of 24 and he doesn't know how to deal with it.
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