Compassion and Oblivion

Chapter Eighteen: Stay

TW-Anxiety Attack

Shane stayed to chat for a short while, the two of you perched on your porch steps, side-by-side. He updated you on how he had been feeling since he had been off of work. He seemed better rested, and grateful for the time to relax, but he didn't really think that more sleep was going to cure him.

"Morris has been harassing me about taking time off, but I stopped answering his phone calls and muted his text messages," Shane grumbles.

"Good for you, you're entitled to this time off since it's a doctor's orders," you reply, matter-of-factly.

Shane sighs and leans back against the stairs, his eyes glinting with gratitude at your validation. "Harvey has been nagging me about seeing a counselor, but I don't need any of that. I'll get over it on my own."

"You know, counseling may not actually be a terrible idea," you say gently. "You've been through a lot, and just having someone to help you process it all might be helpful. I actually spent a few years in therapy when I was a teenager, because my (-Parent) was a piece of shit. It might be worth trying out, you never know. If you don't like it, you don't have to go back. It's kind of on your own terms, you know?"

He just huffs and turns away from you. You decide not to push the subject any further.

"'Nuff about me," Shane grunts, turning back towards you. "How've you been holding up since then?"

You desperately want to talk openly to him about everything - the wizard, the Junimo spirits, the events that took place at Penny's trailer this morning...but you don't know how well everything would be received. You also don't feel right sharing Penny's business, so you decide to keep your mouth shut.

"I'm holding up okay," you reply softly, gazing out at the farmland. Thick clouds have settled in overhead, painting the sky a dull gray color.

Shane raises an eyebrow at you, seeming to notice that you're holding back.

"C'mon, old man," you tease playfully, "I'm not technically lying. Just some of the stuff that's happened isn't my story to tell."

Shane scoffs at your lighthearted jeer, "Alright. Well, I'm here when you're ready to talk about it."

You meet his green eyes, and softly place your hand on top of his. "Thanks, Shane. I'm glad that I have you. You really are a good friend, whether you believe it or not."

His face turns a light shade of pink. His Adam's apple bobs slightly as he swallows down his bashfulness at the unfamiliar contact. He turns his face away while he attempts to neutralize his expression, and clears his throat quietly. "Right, um, I guess I should get going. I told Jas I would help her look for seashells on the beach. I guess Penny told her that a special type of seashell rolls up in the winter. A Nautilus shell, I think?"

You remove your hand from his and stand up from your spot on the porch stairs, Shane quickly following suit. "That's nice of you," you say cheerily as you dust the dirt from the back of your pants. "I hope you both have a good time. Bundle up, it's chilly out there by the water."

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbles, his face still flushed.

You hug your friend once more, and bid him good afternoon. Shane shoves his hands into the pockets of his tattered zip-up hoodie and strolls towards the south end of your farm.

As you watch Shane leave, your heart begins to swell with emotions, too many to try to list. Your hands begin to shake slightly, as you fearfully anticipate what is about to happen. Even though you and Shane have officially made up, and he has actually decided to let you in, the worry that you had tried so desperately to push away since Friday night has boiled over to overtake you. The fear from standing up to Pam to protect Penny is starting to overwhelm you. The all too familiar feeling of an anxiety attack begins to well up inside of your chest. Your eyes widen as they well up with unexpected tears, and your chest tightens as you start to fight for every breath. You've tried to be strong for far too long, and you can tell that it's starting to catch up with you.