A Red Rose - Hyunlix

22

Hyunjin's POV

I woke up with incredible back pain from the hospital chair. I stood up and looked at Felix. He was staring at me.

-F-Felix?- I stammered. 

He had woken up, so why did I feel this heavy atmosphere crushing me? Felix was raised with his torso, pale skin covering his face and staring at me through his big eyes, sending me a grim look.

-Asshole,- he said.

-W-what, why?- I asked in a panic, my voice shaking. He smiled, but not a normal one, it was a smile that was bitter and held anger and hatred. My hands started shaking.

-It's all your fault- his words were a spit of poison, which went straight into my heart.

-S-sorry, really sorry, I didn't mean to- I said as the tears began to fall and I knelt in front of him, as a sign of apology.

-I hate you, you disgust me...- he said. I burst into tears in front of him. He hates me. Hates me hates me hates me hates me. He looked at me with contempt and disgust as I sobbed and shed rivers of tears on the floor.

I stood up and looked at him. He locked his eyes on mine and pulled the IV off his arm, showing no signs of pain.

-Felix, what are you doing? Stop it- I begged him, but a moment later, without ceasing to look me in the eyes of him, he implanted the IV in his trachea. What? He pulled it out and with more force began to pierce all the points of the neck, puncturing the trachea and the arteries.

-Help!- I yelled until my vocal cords wore out, I pressed the red button, hoping that the nurses would arrive as soon as possible. Felix was committing suicide, in front of me. I lunged at him trying to hold him down. His neck was completely covered in blood and his eyes were still glued to mine.

-Felix stop it- I cried, trying to stop him, my strength was gone, his body was paralyzed. I couldn't move a single muscle as tears blurred my vision. Felix fell back, surrounded by the blood-soaked sheet. He was dead.

I woke up in a cold sweat. I looked at the time on my cell phone: 4:57. I looked at Felix and got up to go to him. He was fine. It was just a nightmare. I touched my forehead, collecting a few salty droplets. I caught my breath, shaking Felix's hand and looking at him, trying to erase the images that had imprinted on the nightmare. Shit, this time it was me hitting rock bottom.

March 20th

It was my birthday, March 20th. Felix was still in a coma, so I decided not to celebrate. I.n could walk now, and sometimes he came to visit but the anger I served for him only increased.

-Happy birthday!- I.n opened the door, hopping like a Tibetan goat. I didn't answer and stood looking at Felix, who as always was resting with his eyes closed.

-You have to deal with it and you certainly can't cancel your happiness just because he doesn't wake up- he said, in a calm tone. He was right on the one hand, but Felix was the only person with whom I had resumed being truly happy, and it was I who had caused Felix's coma and therefore it also seemed right to me as a punishment not to be happy.

-Hyunjin, let's go celebrate. I'm sure Felix wants to see you happy.- he said giving me his hand. I looked at him for a second, but honestly his fault was even more than him so I refused to be with him.

-No- I said calmly, not filling my voice with emotion. It was better without emotions in my opinion, also because the sense of guilt was draining me. I couldn't be happy without feeling guilty. There was hope that it could wake up, I can't say that it had all worn out over the past few months but it was so low that I didn't even feel it anymore. It had become normal to wake up, go to the hospital and see the person I always loved with my eyes closed, catapulted into a deep state of coma in which I could not pay to wake him up.I would have spent all my savings to see him open those big eyes he had, I would have given everything in exchange for his awakening.

I.n tried to take my hand but I pulled away, feeling blasts of anger ignite my mind.

-The fuck you want? Now it's only your fault that Felix is in a coma and therefore you certainly can't complain that I hate you!- I snapped, careless of bothering someone else in the circumstances.

-You ruined everything!- I said angrily, pointing a finger at him.

-H-Hyunjin-

-I loved him! And you out of pure selfishness tried to kill him, thinking that everything would be modeled around your ideals, you were sure that afterwards I would have loved you forgetting the person who radically changed my life!- I said advancing, while he backed up against the wall.

-You're also stupid, not only did you ruin the relationship between me and Felix but also what I shared with you- I said gradually lowering my voice, until it turned into an angry whisper.

-You would still have remained my friend, you could also have some chance in the case between me and Felix things would not have worked out, but you preferred to destroy everything. Everything.- I whispered as his eyes widened as he realized all the mistakes he'd made.

-S-sorry- he whispered as I was now inches away from his face. I leaned up to his ear, placing my hands on his hips and feeling him shiver.

-It's too late now- I whispered to him, while he smeared himself against the wall. He gasped and cringed against me. I pulled away from him and walked away, waiting for him to leave with tears in my eyes. 

Asshole.