A Red Rose - Hyunlix

33

Felix's POV

I could not do it anymore. The pain had grown noticeably, I felt like I was going crazy. After the incident with Changbin I had started sinking into the well again. That cursed well of pain and loneliness in which I had lived for many years.

I masked my emotions like a magician, Hyunjin hadn't noticed it and I thought it was better this way, I didn't want to hurt anyone but me, I deserved the pain, not him.

Can it be compared to a real flower? In my opinion it's a blood red snowdrop, if it exists, that manages to bloom even when you don't expect it. Pierce the layers of snow and peace, contaminating your heart and tearing it apart from within. Pain.

I knew I shouldn't have to, but I couldn't take it anymore. I would have broken the promise. I was writing a farewell letter to the world and Hyunjin and everything.

Dear Hyunjin,

Excuse me. I had to do it. After I went to Changbin everything resurfaced, the pain, the traumas, the problems... The pain is too much and I am so small and fragile that it seemed to want to burst inside me. Sorry, really sorry but I think it's better for both: I remain in your heart as a memory and you can find some beautiful girl to have a life in common with, a family, children, a beautiful life. Since my arrival I have only created problems, I have constantly given you worries, I have wasted your money, like a parasite living in your house. I realize now how disgusting I am. I've always been a problem, for my parents, for you and for me too. Our promise? Apologizes. I break it, but at least you can be fine after that so I do it for you, I do it for everything. I will miss our little park, really. "Promise me that if you feel the urge to take laxatives or induce vomiting or harm yourself in any other way, you will come to me and commit yourself to checking your head, what you see is all a figment of your head" I said to myself . So after what I'm about to do, stand up for me because I didn't make it. Falling is normal, getting up is for the strong and I know you are so please get up. I don't have the strength, I was deprived of happiness as a child and I want to thank you for bringing it back to me, but the pain dominates the happiness in my head, only in mine, therefore, thank you, you have given me the best time of my life life. I love you. 

-Felix

A tear slid down my cheek and then another, I hurried to wipe them away. I was in the kitchen, near me a sharp knife. The one I had used to cut the cake on my birthday. What beautiful memories...

Before I died, I decided to live all the moments I had with Hyunjin.

Ever since I first saw him in class and when he saved me from Dak-Ho in the bathroom, when he healed my wounds, when I got drunk at the party, when he saved me from his father, when I went into a coma and all the golden moments I spent with him. I really love him...I'm sorry this has to end.

I got up and sealed the letter in the envelope. Hyunjin was taking a shower so I had to hurry before he caught me. My hand was shaking and my heart too, with a furious beat. The tears began to flow and I stood up from the chair, taking the knife in my hand. I aimed it at my neck feeling the blade open a small slash near the artery. Sorry Hyunjin, really sorry. 

My heart was pounding so hard that I couldn't even hear my crying, like an echo that would soon die down. I felt a small trickle of blood run down my neck, slide down the skin that Hyunjin had once kissed, giving me butterflies in my stomach. I smiled deep in my heart, knowing it would never happen again...Not once.

I was immersed in my memories, but it was Hyunjin's voice that brought me back to reality.

-Felix...? What are you doing?- He asked first. He realized my intentions in an instant and tried to run towards me. I put a hand in front of him, telling him to stop and thrust my neck against his skin, shivering from the cold of the blade.