Soundtrack Series

Midnight Memories - Right Now

Harry: Same feeling, different week. You miss him. He hasn't called in a while but you're still hearing his voice in your head. Every conversation, small or large, is replaying in your head. You can see his shoes sitting by the door, even though they aren't actually there. Your mind is taking you back to a time when he was around, a time that was much better for you than this. You had taken his presence for granted so often, always thinking he was going to be around in some way or another. Your heart is shattering, and it's a slow, agonizing process. You want nothing more than Harry to be here. He was always here. Except now he's not. Mainly because he's back on tour, yes. But also because things between you just aren't the same. How long is it going to take for you to get used to the change? It would be nice to know. Maybe you could tolerate the pain a little better. A knock at your door brings you from the discouraging thoughts in your mind. You don't even roll over to see Sydney walking into the room. She's back to checking in on you every so often. She is seeing how hard you are taking not having Harry around. She says nothing as she crawls into bed with you. You wish she wouldn't, but you didn't have the heart or energy to tell her to leave you alone. She wasn't here to bother you anyways. This is just her way of making sure you hadn't let your emotions get to you and done something unreasonable. "I'm getting ready to go to work. I'll bring back some Thai if you want," she offers softly. Her time spent working reception at the tattoo shop down the street was the only time here lately you had found the urge to leave your room. The media had also started to pick up on your decision to seclude yourself. Syd had left the TV on in the living room plenty of times in order for you to hear that she wasn't the only one worried about you. It didn't matter though. The only person's opinion you cared for was halfway across the world, clearly not thinking about you. You had thought things were going to at least somewhat return to normal after his assurance a while back, but it turns out that was the last thing you had gotten from him. Not a call, not a voicemail, not a text. Him telling you everything between you was going to be fine was all you had to hold onto. You just wish he wouldn't have told you but showed you. You only have his words with no actions to back them up. "So Thai?" Syd inquires, interrupting your thoughts yet again. You had completely forgotten she was even beside you. "That's fine," you say quietly, your eyes closed, but no urge to sleep. You have no plans of eating it but you know the repercussions of telling her no. She sighs, and the covers shift as she gets back out of the bed. "If it's hurting this bad, you just need to call him. And if you don't want to do that, at least get out of the house. It hurts me to watch you do this to yourself. I can't even imagine what you're going through, but I know you aren't making it any better by lying in here alone all of the time with only your thoughts. You don't have to be miserable." At that she leaves for work, closing the door behind her, knowing her small speech more than likely wasn't going to bring you from the covers. You roll over onto your back and open your eyes to look up at the ceiling. You are very much aware of the fact that you are doing this to yourself. But this is so new to you, you've never not had Harry around it seems like. And all that you want is for him to be around, for everything to be okay like he told you it would.

Liam: You remember so clearly the day you told him you didn't want him around. It was a conversation you never thought you would ever have with him. He has been around longer than anyone, and you told him to leave. Your heart breaks now. Everything is so hard, knowing he isn't around. He had tried to come back, but you hadn't let him. Mark had tried to get you to consider friendship with him again, and you ignored it. The world wasn't against you in this. You were against you. It's all coming back around to you now. You're missing him; there's no denying that. You've watched videos of tour more than you ever had before, telling yourself you're only doing it because you miss the atmosphere. No, you miss Liam. You stare over at the laptop that you have yet to open today. It was becoming a regular occurrence for you to stay online watching videos of him for hours. That isn't how you want to spend this day, so you have banned yourself from being on it at all. You remove yourself from the bedroom, the most tempting place for your thoughts and move into the kitchen. Mark is lying on the couch in front of the television having just gotten off from work. You wish you could be as busy as him. School, full-time job, putting up with you. It all seemed like things you could do to get Liam off of your mind. You had already finished school though, and the job that you had only took up a very small amount of hours. Needless to say, your mind was on Liam a lot. "Are you going to make something for dinner?" Mark asks curiously as he looks up to see you walking into the kitchen. "Yes," you say, but not turning to address him. He lies back down after quickly noticing you aren't in the mood to be teased. You feel bad for Mark. Putting up with you is a feat you couldn't even do, especially being as emotional as you have been here lately. You can't help it though. If Liam was here none of this would even be a problem. But wait, what are you even saying? Liam is the sole reason all of this happened in the first place. He's the one that screwed up. He's the one that chose to lie. So why are you the one that feels like this? Because he's already felt like this, that's why. He spent the weeks after his screw up feeling exactly like this. Missing you and not being able to do anything about it because you wouldn't let him in. You can do something though, the ball has always been in your court in this situation. You can bring him back and neither of you have to feel like this anymore. But is that really a possibility? Can he really come back and respect Mark enough to where the three of you can actually coexist? You want to think so. You want to think that after all of this time that Liam has learned some sort of lesson. You can't handle this anymore. You're sick of having to watch him through a computer screen, telling the world his feelings when he should be on the phone sharing them with you directly. It was your fault he wasn't though; he had given up trying to call you, knowing the best way to reach you was to let the fans be the mediator. They had held up their end, and you had gotten his messages, all of them. So much so that thinking about them now as you stand in the kitchen nearly brings you to tears. "(Y/N)?" Mark calls out from the couch. You turn around, your eyes watering. "What?" "Are you alright? You've kind of just been standing there for the last few minutes." "Yeah, I'm fine," you say, turning away from him. You aren't fine at all.