+Courage

༊*·˚chapter 15

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Own pace

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Assalamualaikum and hi!

How's your day today? was it good? hope you're doing well in this changing weather. Don't catch a cold, stay warm, and gather with your loved ones. Took things slowly at your own pace, there's nothing to rush. So glad that we can meet in this entry. Currently, it was 5:26 a.m. as I was writing this. 

I think 2022 really teach me a lot, been through ups and downs, tiredness, excitement, and all the feelings that you can name, I've been there and felt it too. the most important thing is, I learn to prioritize myself first. Even if I need to cut some of the people in my life to maintain my bubble, I will.

I healed, but sometimes, there will always be this flashback coming through my mind when it was silent and sleep doesn't consume me. Then I once again, scaring the old wounds. Through this process, I started to notice that the more I recover, the less I care about what people thoughts. It was me and my own perspective. 

I deserve an apology for what people have done to me, for all the heartache that I don't tell, for all the unspoken words I kept, for all the words that tear me apart, for making me feel that I am the wrong one, for making me feel like I am not good enough. 

I can't remember a single time in my life when someone apologized to me for hurting my feelings. No one has ever cared about my feelings long enough to apologize for hurting them. In my experience, I'm usually the monster. In their own perspective, I'm the one who is wrong. 

I tried to walk away from people that hurt me, slowly and silently removing myself from their life. There is no more reason for me to stay among people that blame me for every action I did. And just like that, It starts from zero again, but this time I learn to choose better. I stop thinking about what people will think if I do this and if I do that. 

The truth is, people will blame you for everything you do. It may not be wrong in your eyes, but it does to them, and that's okay. Why? because I learn that people have an opinion of their own, one that is the same as you and another that will disagree with you.

It's up to them but it's up to you too. Your own self is the one who writes the pages of your life.

I hope this new year, you will learn how to accept yourself. Learn to speak your own mind although some may disagree. On a scale of 1 to 10, there will always be one person who supports you over 9 people you don't. And that's okay, there will always be time for them to understand your own perspective. 

But for now, live your life at your own pace, improve yourself, choose the right circle of friends, eat healthily and remember to always choose yourself first before others. I hope you recover from the pain you felt, the silent tears, the overwhelming thoughts, the times when you are in the dark, and many more pieces of you that had been hurt by this harsh society. 

and just like that, you are you, again. 

Some people heal, and some people don't.
Truth to be untold, people that healed are never truly healed. They just walk past their pain and continue living their life.
Truth to be untold, people that don't heal could not stop from looking back to what's hurting them, they keep touching their own scars that it bleeds over and over again.
That is life, and that is okay. 

So proud of you whether you are healed or not, always am. 

From the one that stuck in between,
𝙖𝙚