The Chains: Temptations

13 - Indelible Thoughts

NICO

Jesus Christ.

I'm always getting stupid fucking flashbacks that torment me. I can't get the out of my head, it even feels like they're going 'swoosh' every fucking time they replay. 

I'm always remembering them when I'm at my lowest.

When I mean lowest I mean when half way past out from drinking, popping those pills and snorting endless coke.

The perks of running a coke business will make you sniff that shit day and night. I know it's turning to a problem now.

But at least I'm self aware.

The worst thing is that I let somebody see me my lowest.

Her.
The woman that had just left swaying her long locks of hair and that ass of hers from side to side, like she's in that fucking Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande music video.

Jesus, she's driving me insane and I don't fucking like one bit of it.

Call me paranoid but she's definitely hiding something under that shit of a good girl act.

She's lucky that she can make food that makes you drool all fucking over it. But I've to keep open tabs on her until I find out exactly what she's hiding.

She was petrified and was shaking like a leaf when I pulled that stunt, a stunt that I'm not proud but I had to let the girl know that she can't mess with me, Nico Adem De Luca.

Damn, replacing one letter of her name to hide her identity? She needs to try harder if she want to hide her identity. I even crack a grin just thinking about it.

She can't hide from me, nobody can.
Nonetheless, she's hiding something and I'm going to finding what.

Well when I did a background check on Mara, I found out her name is not Adelyn it is in fact Mara

I couldn't find anything about her that I can use against her. She's a ghost.

No criminal record, high school records or anything of that sort which pisses me the fuck off.

I guess I have to find a way to get information out of her, even if I have to pop her eyeballs out and make her spit out of her confessions.

How the fuck does someone run into the mafia and asks for a job as a housekeeper with all their belongings in one hand.

Weird.

I pop a hand in my pockets and drag out the cigarette box whilst sitting on the patio's corner sofa under the luminous stars that are dancing across the dark moody sky.

The single cigarette which is trapped between my thumb and my forefinger grazes my bottom lips and then I place the tube between my lips.

I pull the zippo lighter at the end of the tube while my palm is distantly covering the flame.

A blaze of a chime blasts into my ears and I feel vibration near my groin.

I reach for my cell in my pocket and I see the screen glisten with the name 'Zina' which makes me automatically press the green button.

"Yeah Zina?" I speak out after I pulled out the tube in my mouth to exhale the toxic smoke.

"Nico, is Adelyn back?" I hear from the other side of the cell.

"Yes, I saw her with dozens of bags along her arms, and she could barley even stand upright." I finish the last words by mumbling.

"Nico! Really, are you high right now?"
"Did Adelyn see you like that?"

I just say nothing but I release a harsh sigh pbecause what else can I say?

"Nico if you need me to come over and talk, just say the word." She says sincerely.

"I'm fine, I can handle myself." I respond assertively.
"Is that all you called for?"

"We'll talk once you're not high, Nico." Zina announces.

I hung up the phone and release a big puff of a sigh and drag out a huge ray of smoke.

I visited Mami's grave today like every Monday morning, leaving the regular vibrant tulips and lilies right on top.

I try to get there before any of my siblings do so I can have my peaceful and mindful time with Mami all to myself.

I just stood right in front of her grave stone with my fisted hands in each of my slack's pockets. And I just think to myself for deep minute, what would she think of me if she was alive and see what state I'm in?

If she was alive, I wouldn't be such a coke addict.

And everything that has occurred since her death wouldn't have even happened in the first place.

18 years without Mami. Within those 18 years I witnessed my father at his lowest, drunk from hennessy most nights when me and my siblings were supposed to be asleep yet he still tried his hardest to be a father while being a single parent and caring for a new born.

Some nights, I would creep down the stairs while my siblings were all fast asleep, to find my father having a mental breakdown. He wasn't loud at all but all I saw was him outside in the backyard, pounding his bare fist into the brick wall and salty tears form in his eyes.

I respect my Pops for not giving up on us, and I'm grateful to have such a man as my role model.

We all took Mami's death really hard. But my tía cared for us and helped Pops cope with Mami's passing.

Me, Rico and Zina were my Mami's first babies, triplets but she liked to call us 'the three amigos'.

I crack a smile just thinking about how were all so close together and seeing her unforgettable big violet eyes.

But once we found out the news that Mami died when we were just seven years of age, we all three changed and coped somewhat differently.

I went silent and coped by taking out my anger out by shooting shots at a punching bag, Zina tried to hide her pain away with a smile and focusing on education, and lastly Rico coped by partying or going out when we were old enough to.

My other two siblings, Kiraz who is three years younger than me and then Darius who is five years younger than me and I know nothing of him. They were always the most close with each other partly because they never knew Mami like we did so they talk about how they imagined Mami to be like.

Darius started drifting away from the family whenever he got the chance to. He did this by either staying in his room or choosing to stay outdoors away from us.

God knows why he does. Maybe because he may feel some sort of 'guilt' towards our Mami's death which he hasn't said himself, but it's obvious.

We both got into some sort of 'brawl' when we're we younger about how he never spent time with us no more. The dickhead tried to say we didn't care for him no longer, of course we fucking care about him, family should stick together.

I don't blame my little brother, I blame no one for my Mami's death, which was the cause of child birth.

There was nothing I could or anyone could do to save her.

Darius comes to family events occasionally, but I or anyone else never know what he's getting himself up to theses days.

I drag out a final grey cloud of smoke from my cigarette and then dropped it onto the floor and smushed it into the flooring to create the floor and tar to become one.

I make my way back inside and plan to go to bed.