Even If It Hurts -H.S. AU

25

Harry
Five years earlier

I've been sitting in this chair for hours, holding mum's hand. She's only gotten worse in the last few days, and the doctor thinks this could be it.

I don't know how to do this. My mum has always been there for me. She has always been on my side, even when I was wrong or made stupid decisions. How do I say goodbye to someone who has been my best friend my entire life?

She's the strongest person I know. I've watched her go through some tough things, but she's always come out okay on the other side. It doesn't make sense to me how her body is working against her, and this is the one thing she won't be able to beat. I don't understand it. I don't understand how after everything she's been through, the hits just keep coming.

"Harry?" Her weak voice breaks me from my thoughts and I sit up in my chair.

"I'm here." I assure her and squeeze her hand.

"You've been here for hours, sweetheart." She laughs, then coughs, and I quickly grab her water from the nightstand and hold it for her to take a drink. "Why don't you go get something to eat."

"Mum, stop worrying about me." I smile at her, but I know it doesn't reach my eyes.

"I need to know you're okay." She says quietly and reaches her hand out to cup my face. I lean into her touch and close my eyes, trying to memorize the feeling.

"I'm okay, mum." I mumble, but my voice cracks, betraying me.

"Why haven't you told me about Violet?" She asks accusingly. I inhale sharply hearing her name and shake my head. "I had to hear from your brother."

"I don't want to talk about her, mum."

"You're self destructing, Harry." She says surprisingly firmly, for someone so weak right now. I blink quickly, trying to rid my eyes of the tears that have welled up in them.

"I had to do something to protect her." I say and take her hand in both of mine again. "Mum, I'm not strong enough to lose you both."

"Look at me." I pull my eyes up from staring at our hands intertwined on the bed. "There might still be time to fix it."

"It's too late." I shake my head and a tear falls down my face. "I made the decision and pushed her away, I can't take it back."

"Harry, that girl loves you."

"She won't forgive me for this." I say without a doubt in my mind.

"Baby, I've never seen you happier than when you're with her." She smiles softly at me.

"Why are we talking about this?" I whisper, my voice shaky, as the lump in my throat begins to grow.

"Because you still have a life to live." She says sternly. I look up at her and my jaw clenches. "Go take a drive and clear your head. Sitting here with me is doing you no good."

I shake my head no and squeeze her hand. "Mum-"

"I'm not leaving you, Harry." She cuts me off and squeezes my hand back. "Not tonight, I promise."