Even If It Hurts -H.S. AU

78

Three months after

This morning I decided to venture out of the hotel for the first time since the attack.

Harry has his therapy appointment today, and since he didn't make me drag him there by his hair, I decided it was time for me to do something for myself. And by myself.

I haven't done anything solo in probably over six months. My introverted heart is going stir crazy and is in desperate need of a recharge.

I shoot Harry a text before I head downstairs to tell him where I'm headed. There's not really anything that poses a threat to me anymore now that Johnny is dead, but I don't want him to worry. I step out of the hotel onto the sidewalk and the noise of the city hits me like a train. I've been inside for the entire summer, I forgot what the never ending wheels of New York turning sounded like.

I smile to myself and tuck my hair behind my ears to keep it out of my face as I walk. My body must've gone into autopilot, because before I know it, I'm standing in front of the coffee shop I used to work at during my first few years of college.

I shake my head and pull the door open to step inside. The aroma of coffee beans roasting fills my senses and I inhale deeply. Customers chatting and typing away on their laptops fills me with nostalgia about all the late nights and early mornings I spent here, just trying to survive. I used to avoid this place since I practically lived here at one point, but the familiarity of it brings me a great deal of comfort right now.

I wait in line for a few minutes and give them what used to be my usual order. A vanilla latte and a toasted bagel with cream cheese. I lived off of this meal in college, because it's dirt cheap. I stick a fifty dollar bill in the tip jar and the cashier girl's mouth drops open a little. I wink at her when I take my items from her and turn around to find somewhere to sit.

I spot an open seat in a booth by the window and make a beeline for it. I flop down in the seat and set my stuff on the table, exhaling a breath when I'm finally settled.  I did it. I managed to walk down the street, order some food and enjoy time by myself without the fucking world coming to an end. I know this seems very minimal in the big scheme of things, but I haven't left the hotel in three months. This is monumental for me.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and see I have an unread message that reads:

From: Harry <3 @ 10:52 a.m.
Be safe. I love you x

I smile at my phone and tell him I love him too before I stick it back in my pocket. His appointment is in eight minutes, and I know for a fact he's nervous. He left way too early this morning after pacing around the apartment like a nutcase for forty-five minutes. I tried to distract him any way I could to make him calm down- and I mean any way- but nothing helped. I feel a little guilty knowing he's so anxious over it, but I'm positive it will be good for him in the long run.

I finish my bagel and sip on my coffee as I stare out the window, just people watching. It's such a strange feeling sitting still while the city moves around you. I watch stranger's faces as they walk by. Some smiling, some scowling or on the phone, and some show me absolutely nothing at all. Every single person that passes has their own life. Things to do and people that love them. What a weird and wonderful place to be.

"Violet Parker?" I'm snapped out of my trance when I hear my name.

I turn away from the window and find a woman standing just off to the side of my table, like she doesn't want to spook me by getting too close. I guess I can appreciate that. She's dressed in business casual attire and is carrying an attaché case. I'm guessing she's either a lawyer or a reporter, and I'm in the mood for neither.