✅ A Dose of Humiliation

67. First Time

I didn't know what to do with myself. I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid. And in that moment of confusion, I found myself reaching for another drink. Of course I would. I hated that I would respond like that; it wasn't me at all. But then I realised that it was unlikely to make any kind of difference. I wasn't in any state to go back to school now, whether I stopped or not. Maybe it would be worth continuing today, when I had already lost control, and see if I could at least enjoy whatever happened.

I knew that was dumb. It was one of those things that seemed like a good idea at the time, which I knew I would regret later. But I just couldn't see how it could go wrong. If I was going to regret it anyway, then why not enjoy it?

I told myself that I wasn't thinking straight. That the drugs were messing with my head. That I knew I would never even have considered something like this before I had the shot. I told myself not to even think about it; I should wake Serena and ask her to get me out of here. I couldn't go to school now, I was already breathing deeply and I knew people would see the lust in my eyes. But maybe she could get me out of here, and take me somewhere safer. But my imagination was immediately filled with all the things that we could do to pass the time until I was back to normal. I knew those fantasies weren't likely, but that didn't stop me craving them.

"Hey, are you okay?" I hadn't even realised Ste was standing so close until he put his hand on my hip. "You look like you're struggling with something."

"Don't," I whimpered. "Don't touch me." But as he pulled his hand away I was moving towards him, terrified of losing that touch. I pressed myself against him, wondering if there was some way that I could explain. Some very quick way to explain, because I didn't think I could cope much longer without acting on the instincts that were flooding my brain. This wasn't some outrageous plan that seemed to make sense to the long-suppressed antisocial side of my brain; this was an urgent need mediated only by hormones. I needed it right now, and it was impossible to think of anything else.

"Oh god," I moaned, pressing myself against the closest warm body. I couldn't even find the words anymore. I knew I shouldn't be doing this, but I was consumed by need. Reaching for anybody who was close enough, and rushing to get my clothes out of the way. I couldn't stop myself; I couldn't bear the thought of stopping. And the boys certainly weren't going to argue with that.

I don't know what would have happened if the noise hadn't woken Serena. I could have been there all afternoon, out of my mind with lust.

"What the hell?" she yelled, reminding me again that I shouldn't be doing this. But I couldn't stop myself. I was so hot, I just didn't have the words. I barely knew what was going on around me; the only thing on my mind was how much I needed to be touched, and how much I loved what Ste and Garth were doing to me. I couldn't have even understood the thought of stopping.

"Lorna!" Serena yelled as I gasped again. Somebody was biting my neck, and it felt so good. "What are you... You've been drinking... You... Oh, hell. Skim? Seriously? How many have you had?"

"She's had three," Ste's voice answered for me. That was a good thing, because I probably wouldn't have been capable of analysing the situation in so much depth. "Pretty hardcore."

"That is not a good thing. Let go of her."

"No!" I gasped, finding my voice for a second as the guys actually started to move away from me. I grabbed for Ste, trying to press my body against him. I could tell he wanted it as much as I did, and he was reluctant to stop. Garth was already satisfied, and more willing to back away, so Ste was the main focus of my attention. I couldn't find the words, and pawed at him desperately, trying to let him know how much I still wanted it. But I wasn't as persuasive as Serena; not when she was threatening him with her pepper spray.