Dear Santa

III

December 27

Santa,

I love hugging Cryz so much. It's even an understatement. I just love doing it because it's insane! It's crazy that you feel different emotions all at once when you hug someone, especially if it's someone dear to you. You feel happy, relaxed, relieved, sad (for some reason because you didn't want to let go), excited and just safe. Everything wrapped within one gesture.

I couldn't let go of her when they arrived. I didn't want to let go because I missed her. A lot. Like a LOT lot. When I saw her again, I didn't know anything. Fuck the plan. I just really needed that hug because the whole duration that she was away, a lot of things happened. There's a lot of things I realized. A lot of things I regret doing and not doing. I know seeing her wouldn't fix everything, but do I look like I care about that? I find her presence healing. It was taping the broken pieces of my soul.

I could talk about her for hours, but my fingers are aching so bad.

I forgot to tell you. She let me read the letters she wrote and God help me, I read my name in almost every paper. I don't care if she's mad that time or what, but the thought that she thought about me while writing those letters, it made me smile.

But on the hand, I cried reading some of it because there were a lot of emotions in it. I can feel it. Especially the one where she mentioned about the situation of her parents. Cryz laughed at me because of it but it made me cry more because how could I not? Looking at her, laughing like that, made me think that despite what others display physically, you'll never know what they're experiencing inside. You know that Cryz always shows her I don't care about anyone attitude, but those letters helped me understand more why she was like that. Internal battles are tougher to defeat, so I made a mental to be more gentler with everyone and not only her.

I know Christmas already passed, but I have to write to you because it was such a fun day!

Kai