Cafe 7 Dream (RenHyuck)

20

"So tell me everything. Are you sleeping together already? Are you boyfriends? Have you even went on a date?" Haechan rolls his eyes.
"Jesus, Chenle. You need to get a hold of yourself. You really don't need to know." Haechan says as he wipes the tables at the end of the night. Chenle could have went home a long time ago but he really wanted to try and talk to him.
"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be nosy, but you used to tell me everything about your feelings for him and we just haven't had time to talk since you are always with him now." Haechan's shoulders slump.
"I'm sorry Chenle. I'm not trying to ignore you or anything." He says as he hugs him softly.
"I know, I completely understand the situation. I just want to talk." Haechan nods and pulls him to a booth.
"Things are so nice with him. He is so sweet and amazing and he's just everything I thought he would be and more." Chenle grabs his hand, hearing the hesitation in his voice.
"But?" He asks quietly, watching as Haechan looks around nervously.
"I don't measure up to him. I'm not worthy of his love." Chenle is torn between hugging some sense into him and hitting it into him.
"What are you on? Where is this coming from?" He sighs.
"Him and I, we've already talked about this and he says everything is fine and that it doesn't bother him but it still bothers me." Chenle pinches the bridge of his nose.
"Elaborate?" He asks simply.
"When we were younger, more specifically, when I realized I love him. I think I was like, I don't know between twelve and fourteen? I had vowed that he would always be my first. No matter what, he would be the one to take my virginity." He pauses and can't look at Chenle.
"When I was away, i slept with someone, and I know it's not a big deal to almost everyone but to me it is. I feel guilt even though I don't have to and I feel sad that I ruined my plans and our first time." Chenle smiles softly and moves across the booth to hold him.
"This isn't an easy thing to just get over, it meant a lot to you, I understand. The only advice I can give is that you need to dig deep and forgive yourself. It may take a little time but don't beat yourself up over it and dwell on it all the time because you will miss those precious moments with him. He loves you so much Haechan. You two are one hundred percent made for each other but you need to be there one hundred percent too." He nods and wipes his tears as he cuddles in tighter.
"No we aren't boyfriends yet and no sex." Haechan says softly answering his previous questions.
"Really? The way you two were acting the other day, I thought you must have done something." Haechan touches his warm cheeks.
"Handjobs." He whispers. Chenle cackles.
"Really? Oh my god you two are so cute." Haechan elbows him.
"Don't laugh, it was the first time I've ever really seen him without clothes and the first time I've ever touched him or he touched me like that. It was amazing." He says dreamily.
"I get it. Jisung and i were pretty shy with each other after our first time together, like the first everything's, even kissing. I'm so happy for you two though. Especially you, you've been suffering for too long, although now it's obvious that you didn't have to." Haechan elbows him playfully.
"I know, I know." He says as he stands and pulls Chenle to his feet.
"Come on, I want to go home now." Haechan says.
"Yours or his?" Chenle asks.
"Hi.... Wait, am I smothering him? Like do you ever get sick of Jisung? Maybe he doesn't want me to come over all the time?" Haechan asks in a mini panic. Chenle shakes his head.
"What happened to all of your confidence? You used to ooze that shit out of your pores." He asks.
"I've never been in a relationship before and I'm terrified to mess it up. I love him, more than anything." Chenle smiles and pats his back.
"Things will be fine, just remember one thing. Talk to him, about this, about everything. Communication is key." Haechan pulls him in for a hug.
"I don't know how I ever let you grow up. My baby Chenle, you've out grown me." He laughs and pinches Haechan's cheek.
"Don't worry, you'll catch up."

Later that night...

Haechan is happily laying on Renjun's bed while he lays in his arms playing with the buttons on his shirt. They've been talking about nothing in particular for a while now but Renjun has something on his mind so he summons all of his courage to ask.
"Haechanie?" He says with a shaky voice, he just hums his acknowledgment.
"So you know how I told you that I've loved you for a long time? Like since we were kids?" Haechan hums and rubs his back.
"I've also thought about everything with you, like sex and how when I take that next step, I want it to be you. But I want it to be with you as my boyfriend." He pauses just for a second and tries to calm his racing heart.
"So will you be my boyfriend? Will you m-make love to me?" His head is swimming now. He's been wanting to be intimate with him for as long as he can remember and he feels like since they love each other and are technically together, that it's ok to ask. But nothing could have prepared him for the dead silence he receives. He clears his throat and fights tears.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you yet." He says quietly as he excuses himself to the bathroom. He doesn't even know what he's doing he just knows he needs to hide away from Haechan at the moment.
Haechan wants to stop him, he knows his silence is deafening. He knows it wasn't easy for him to say any of that or ask any of that but he wasn't ready, he doesn't even know what to say. After only a few seconds of the bathroom door clicking he wants to heave himself off a rooftop. Here he was with the love of his life asking him to make love and he froze.

Renjun knew the risk of asking such a question. They were having such a nice night and he ruined it. He too wants to heave himself off a building. He feels so stupid that his face is for sure on fire. He can't even look at himself in the mirror. He can't stop himself from crying. He's not even upset with Haechan for not wanting to, he is upset that he doesn't know how to read cues and that he's a virgin who's wanted someone, specifically Haechan to touch him for so long. He feels like a loser and can never show his face again, at least that's what he's decided for now.
Soon enough he hears a soft knock on the door.
"Junie, can we talk please?" He hears Haechan asks while obviously fighting his own tears. He leans up to the door still sitting in a ball against it.
"I don't want to talk about it, can we just pretend I didn't say anything please?" He asks.
"Junie please, can you open please?" He hears the lock click and carefully opens it, only to see him huddled in the corner and he thinks it is the sweetest most innocent thing he's ever seen. He walks up and sits on the floor behind him and carefully pulls him into his arms.
"Junie, I." Renjun shakes his head.
"No, stop. I'm sorry. It's just ever since that night when we, you know? I was just, I don't know greedy I guess. I wanted more and I'm sorry for being emotional about it I'm just embarrassed for asking when you clearly don't want to." Haechan sighs.
"It's not that I don't want to, I'm just not sure I'm ready. Of course I want to be your boyfriend and of course I want sex and everything else with you. Can you wait for me?" Renjun nods and curls into his side.
"Of course I will, I'm just embarrassed. I'll get over it eventually though." Haechan sighs and turns so he's sitting in front of him and of course his head drops to the floor instantly. He gently grabs his face and lifts it slightly.
"I love you Junie, so much and I'm sorry that I reacted the way I did but you don't have to be embarrassed for wanting things like that with me." Renjun nods slightly and says ok. He then stands and walks to his room. He lays down in his bed curled into a ball. Haechan sees him and dies a little inside.
"Do you want me to leave Junie?" He asks just above a whisper. Renjun quickly shakes his head no.
"I don't want to talk about it and I can't look in your eyes but I would feel so much worse if you left me alone, please stay?" He whispers. Haechan goes to lock up and shut off all the lights they left on and crawls in bed behind him.
"I love you." He whispers to him.
"I love you." He hears back. He holds him tightly all night long and by morning Renjun is still quiet but he can at least look at him and he even smiles once.
"Hey Junie?" He asks receiving a small Hmm.
"Will you go out with me tonight? I want to take you to that nice restaurant up town, the one you have wanted to go to for a while?" Renjun thinks on it and nods with a slightly bigger smile.
"That would be nice." He says softly. Haechan spends the rest of the day just cuddling him and trying to make him feel better. He's really glad he agreed to the date since he made the reservation two days ago.
For Haechan, he's not quite sure he understands why Renjun is so sensitive and embarrassed by this but it's ok. They will get past it, they will talk about it when Renjun is ready but for now he will just be there and try to get over his shit so he can be with him in every way possible.