You and me

Part 21

Y/N POV 

After the talk with Lizzie I dropped her home. It is now Friday, we will get to know who plays today. And, I obviously need to talk with Aubrey. Lizzie cleared a lot up for me. She has such a brilliant mind and it's like she always knows what to say to me. She just gives this feeling of comfort. If I could choose I would have spend the whole day with her but I think that it was a good choice to drop her off at home. We both had a really though night and we just need some alone time to process it. I will see her tomorrow and I already can't wait. I look at the clock and see that it's almost 3 in the afternoon. The names will be ready at five but I really want to talk with Aubrey before I can see them. If I didn't make the team I will be so sad and then I won't be in the right mind to talk with her. I put my training outfit on and hop on my bike. When I am on my bike, I have a lot of time to think about everything. I always get lost in thoughts and just enjoy the views. I obviously watch the road because I don't want to have an accident and wake up with no memory or something ;). 

After some time I arrive at the training center and I park my car. I walk up to Aubrey's office but when I arrive I don't see her. Shit, she must be in a meeting or something. Well, I will just wait for her. It shouldn't take much longer. I'm grateful that I have my bag with me, now I can practice some more before Aubrey gets here. I put on my training gear and walk out to the pitch. There are still some cones left from practice so I set them up for my own use. When I am alone, I like to practice on my skill and shooting. If there's no goalkeeper, you can really try and put the ball right were you want without something blocking it. Obviously you need to be able to score with a goalkeeper but I like this because you can really learn to aim. When everything is set up I start with some light running with the ball just so that I have some sort of warming up. I don't want to tear a muscle right before the game. 

After some time I really get the hang of it. We have dummies from the club and I set them up so they can play defender. They don't move but you still have some sort of obstacle that you need to get past. I set them up and I try to expand my skills every time that I pass a dummy. Suddenly my watch goes off and I look down to see what this is all about. We all got an Apple Watch from Aubrey so that we can keep track of our hart and our steps etc. I look at my watch and see that my heart rate is too high. Maybe it's time to take a little brake and just relax. I take the dummies away and I put one in the goal. This is now my new goalkeeper. I take all the cones and put them on the side line. I just take one ball with me and position myself to take some free kicks. I was never an expert in free kicks so I trained really hard for them and now they are decent. I haven't scored a free kick ever and it's like some kind of dream to score an important free kick. I line myself up to take this one, I just imagine that there are thousands of people cheering me on and that it's the final minute of the game. I make the run and line myself up to take the shot. I shoot the ball and just like always, it lands right in the top corner. I smile at myself, all this practice really pays off. 

I walk to take the ball back but then I hear someone clapping. I turn around and see Aubrey watching me with a huge smile. "Nice one Y/N, if we have a free kick coming up, you will definitely take it." I smile so hard that my cheeks hurt. In an instant the ball is long forgotten and I run to Aubrey. She looks a bit shocked but I don't care. I gave her the biggest hug that you can imagine. In an instant Aubrey returns the hug and she almost squeezes me to death. "I am so sorry Aubrey." She knows that I am sorry but still, I want to tell her. "I know little one. Why don't we sit down and just talk about what happened?" I nod and we sit down on the grass. We sit in silence a little longer and Aubrey knows that she doesn't need to say anything. She knows that I am trying to find the courage to tell her. I am just going to spill it out and then it will be all over. 

"So, I had a little slip yesterday. Well, a big slip. I was texting with Lizzie and like it came out of nowhere I was thinking about Allison. She messed with me then and even now she is messing with my mind. I didn't know if Lizzie was feeling the way that I felt so I just started drinking. This is such a big set down for me. I did so well after grandma died and now all I can think about is how hard I fucked up." I sigh but Aubrey just keeps looking at me to continue. Aubrey can never be serious expect for moments like this and I appreciate that so much. "Me and Lizzie talked about everything, I told her about my drinking problem and she just supported me. She told me that I could always talk to her and that I don't need to keep everything inside. She even told me what she felt for me so that I wouldn't doubt it. She made it obvious that my grandma wouldn't be disappointed by my slip, she just told me that everyone makes mistakes and that it's important to pick myself back up. I was so happy that Lizzie was there for me yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I hate that she saw me at my lowest but I just love that she didn't judge me or looked different at me. This whole time, she was just there for me. I know that I have a lot to grow in and I am scared but now I know who I can talk to." It feels like I am just rambling everything so that I am over with it. Aubrey doesn't say anything for a few seconds and I am scared that she is disappointed in me. I look at Aubrey and just see her smiling at me. "Why are you smiling like that?" 

"Because you are growing up so fast. You think that yesterday was a big set down but I think that it was a step in the right direction. Never ever have you calmed down so fast. Mostly you stay in that dark space for weeks and now it didn't even take a full day. I really think that you are growing so much and I love you so much for everything." My eyes tear up a little by her words. "Lizzie may have a little influence in the process but Y/N, you are healing." I can't hold it anymore, I just burst out crying. Aubrey comes closer and pulls me in for a big hug. "You make me proud Y/N." Is she really trying to make me cry even harder. After some time we pull away and I dry my tears away. We look at each other and we just smile. Aubrey is a big support for me and she will always be here for me. 

"I am going to see my therapist again." Aubrey quickly turned her face back to me and she just looks so shocked. "Are you taking the piss?" I shake my head no and just try to hold my laughter. "This is such good news. I have tried to get you back to therapy for years. It will help so much." Aubrey was always a fan of me going to therapy and I get it. She did it before and it helped her a lot. For me it just didn't do anything at the time. I think that you need to accept that you need help before you can be helped. If you are being pushed into therapy it won't help, you need to be open for it. I think that time has come. "I know, I will make an appointment with her and then I will see if it works." We sit in silence a little longer and after some time we stand up. It's almost time to read the names and now the nerves are going up. "I need to go print the list and hang it up in the locker room. I don't think that anyone is here yet so you can just wait in the locker room." I nod and walk to the locker room. I put my headphones in and look at the floor. It's like I am in the zone before a game but now it's just stress because I really want to play. I know that I am just new and that I don't deserve to start yet but I am kinda hoping that I will start. I did my absolute best in training except from Lizzie that distracts me. I just hope that it's enough to let me start. 

The team starts to come in and I take my headphones out. "Are you nervous Y/N?" Scottie asks me. "Yes, I don't know what to expect." The whole team is here at this time and my nerves are shooting out of my mind. "Don't be nervous, you will get your started place. We all saw what you did last game for us and we all think that you deserve it." I thank her and just after that Aubrey comes inside with the paper. "Guys, me and the whole team debated who would start today. We had some though decisions to make but we based this starting team on training and how well you all did. Some people will get a chance to play this game and some will not. If you don't get to play, don't be disappointed. You are a great team and if you let me see what you can do in practice, I will let you play next game. Now, if you have any answers I am in my office." Aubrey hangs up the paper and walks out of the room. Everybody walks to the board but I stay back a bit. I am so fucking nervous, you can't imagine. Some people are cheering and other people look sad. I am the last one to look at the paper so I take some baby steps to the board. When I am at the board I search for my name. 

"I'm on the bench..." 

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Hey guys, first of all a happy new year to you all. 

I hope that you like this chapter, please let me know what you think of it. 

Y/N being benched. Do you guys think that she deserves it? What do you think is the reason for her being benched? 

I have a quick question for you all. I am kinda thinking in making Y/N pursue her goalkeeping career. What do you guys think? Do you want her to be a striker or a goalkeeper? 

I hope you all have a great day and if you have any questions or suggestions I would like to hear them.