𝐀 𝐏𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ━━ 𝗟𝗢𝗢𝗞𝗜𝗦𝗠 | ✓

10

❝ 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙎 𝙁𝙀𝙀𝙇𝙄𝙉𝙂'𝙎 𝙊𝙇𝘿 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙄 𝙆𝙉𝙊𝙒 𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙏 𝙄'𝙑𝙀 𝙈𝘼𝘿𝙀 𝙐𝙋 𝙈𝙔 𝙈𝙄𝙉𝘿 ❞

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ♡︎♡︎♡︎
IT'S BEEN A month since I've opened this notebook. I couldn't bring myself to write in it after what happened.

I've witnessed many deaths. I saw many die with my own eyes right in front of me. People that I knew, people that claimed to be my enemy, and people that I felt pity for. But seeing a loved one die right in front of me as the rest of his family cry over his death felt a bit traumatic.

It made me take a step back from some things. I couldn't do work for a few weeks but I resumed working to distract myself from the loss. It stings knowing that I'm working with the man [M.Name] was so in love with. And it stings even more now that his mere presence keep reminding me that a dear cousin died all because of love.

[M.Name] had a lot of wishes before he died, and one of those wishes was for me to list down all of them in this notebook so I could check them off once it was fulfilled.

1. Always take care of his stuffed toys, especially Octopussy and the takoyaki stuffed toy.

His mother gave me all of his stuffed toys a week after his death, his father said she couldn't handle looking at things that were closely related to him. She'd end up breaking down and lock herself in their room for the whole day. I didn't dare say no so I took all of them, I prepared a separate room just for his stuffed toys and cleaned them weekly. It was what he would've wanted if he were to still be alive.

2. Tell Crystal that he forgives her for the "thingy" on the first time they met.

I don't know what that meant but I hope Crystal does since it was awkward telling her that my cousin that just passed told me to say that to her. Well, not awkward but more on depressing since when she got the news that he died, she was just as sad as I was.

3. Give a girl named Boyoung that lives near his house the letter he wrote along with the small dolphin keychain.

The moment I told her that he died, she also broke down crying. Then she cried harder as she read the letter he wrote for her. I don't know the contents of the letter and I don't want to invade her privacy but he also told me to tell her that she should always be herself. I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news to those that [M.Name] loved and the ones that loved him but it couldn't be helped.

4. Keep the diary. Don't burn it but write for one final time before hiding it somewhere.

Here I am, writing down all of the things I did to fulfill his final wishes. He had many more but they were small ones, like throwing away the test papers he failed or organizing his study table in a neater shape since he left it looking like a hurricane went through it. I'll keep this diary with me, I'll make sure that I'm the only one to ever find it and I'll be able to access it any time. To read the contents every now and then. Remembering how [M.Name] was before he died.

5. Tell Gun that he loves him.

This was the hardest out of all of them. I couldn't do it for a month. Every time I'd see Gun, the urge to not do this final wish gets stronger. But then I'd feel guilt because that's not what [M.Name] would've wanted.

If [M.Name] were to confess to him, he'd probably be all shy and would immediately think of the worst things. Like Gun being disgusted of him and rejecting him harshly. I never understood how someone as sweet and kind like him could think of everything so badly.

But of course, I did tell Gun. I told Gun that my dearest, sweetest, kindest cousin was in love with him. That he loved him with his whole heart and that's why he ended up in that hospital bed. He ended up dying because of how much he loves him.

I told Gun that [M.Name] could've been his boyfriend but he was far too calloused and cold for him.

And you know what Gun ended up doing after I said all those things? You would expect a person like him to get mad, to be upset with how I worded things, to hit me for speaking badly of him.

But he did nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Not a single tear nor a word.

He stood there for a hot second before turning around and leaving.

Was I disappointed? Of course I was. I was also hurt for [M.Name].

Why did he have to fall in love with someone that barely gave two shits about him now that he's dead?

[M.Name] chose to love someone that doesn't have a heart, only for him to give him his own and die.

I guess this is the end of the page, I'll be storing this diary now.

[M.Name] didn't only dedicate a page for Gun, he dedicated his whole heart.