My life with mental illnesses..

Exams...

Exams are a time of stress and anxiety for everyone.

We all feel nervous and worried that we might fail.

But that's maximised when you have mental illnesses,

failure being your worst fear,

being so scared of disappointing yourself and the few people who are actually proud of you.

You see,

if you fail, that proves everyone right.

Your mum who tells you you're not good enough, that you're going to do shit in you're exams and have no future.

Your dad that says you've already failed the exams, before you ever start them.

A school full of people who think you're not trying because you don't always do the practice exams.

Yet what none of these people understand is that it's not as simple as that.

Not when you have the voices constantly screaming that you're worthless,

not thoughts from your own conscience,

but voices,

voices you don't even recognize.

When you have anxiety and are prone to panic attacks,

you stress about exams more...

What if all my pens stop working?

What if I don't understand the text?

What if I have a panic attack?

What if my mind goes blank?

You don't sleep the night before,

you're too busy worrying about everything.

Oh and then there's the depression,

the depression that makes it hard to concentrate,

to stop thinking of suicide,

just so you can cram some revision in.

Once you do the exam,

you manage to get through it,

panic attack free,

you go home,

realise how badly you've failed,

and then here we go,

lets do something self destructive.

You punish yourself for not working hard enough,

for being a worthless fuck up.

Them 40 days clean?

Yeah they'll be gone,

you'll give into temptation because its not worth the pain within.

Or maybe that's just me...

A/N

I wrote this one as well.