TW: suicidal thoughts
DD POV
It was the next morning when I woke up in an empty bed. I was afraid that all of it was a dream until I found myself in ddots room. I tried to get up and walk but I failed completely and hit the ground. Yep that was definitely true. But I guess it was worth it, ddot really fucked me good. He came rushing not to long after when he heard the thud from me hitting the ground.
"You okay baby" he asked helping me up. "Yeah but can you help me to the bathroom" I said in pain. He helped me to the bathroom and helped me while I brushed my teeth and washed my face. " I made some food" he said. "Yessss" I said, ddot be cooking goodttt. I grabbed my phone and ddot left the room, so I was on my own again on the ground. I just slid down the stairs and crawled trying to go to the kitchen. Once I finally made it we ate and then ddot helped me back up the stairs.
I rested for a little bit while ddot was playing the game, but I was thinking the whole time and this thing was really bothering me. I didn't know how to feel about this situation that we got going on. I mean yeah I would loveee to date him, but I don't know if I'm ready for all that. Yes I love him so much but I knew it would be wrong because I led him on this far. I'd rather get it over with now. "Hey ddot" I said. "Yes" he said pausing the game and looking back at me. "I think we need to talk" I said kind of quiet.
DDOT POV SWITCH
Dd said we needed to talk and I wasn't sure about what but he didn't seem to good about it. I just hope whatever it is isn't bad. "Ok" I said sitting on the bed in front of him. "Ok so you know how we had sex and we've been posting eachother, and flirting, and all that type of stuff, well I want to know how you actually feel" he said. Uh oh. I wasn't the best at this kind of stuff but I guess I have no choice. "I mean if Im being completely honest, I would really date you. You mean the world to me and I would never hurt you in any sort of way" I said. I never really talk about my feelings like this but today's the day ig. I might as well just ask him to be my boyfriend at this rate. "So would you be my boyfriend" I asked. It went silent for a few minutes. I knew I should've never said anything. "Im sorry but I can't do this" dd said before running out of the house.
DD POV SWITCH
I don't know where this energy came from but I'm glad it was here so I could disappear. I wasn't limping anymore and I can just run away from everything, everyone. I decided to go to the graveyard to visit notti's grave. I missed him so much, it just feels like everything's going downhill ever since he died. When I finally made it there I sat down beside it and talked to him. In a way that I could only relate. "I've missed you so much notti. You made everything better when you were here. I always blame myself for your death because I know I could've been there to help you and I'm sorry for that. I just wish you could come back, back home where everything was just fine. I've met this boy named ddot, and he's really nice. I feel like you guys would be the best of friends if you met him. Not to long ago he asked me to be his boyfriend. Of course I ran off like a scared pussy but maybe I'm the one that causes everything to happen. Maybe I'm the blame for everyone else's mistakes. I'm trying my hardest not to give up on myself. But if I'm being honest I'm really on the edge of ending it all. I just want to be with you again, have fun, mess around, talk about anything and everything. Ima still rep ya name no matter what. Don't be surprised if you see me soon, just know I did it all for you". I didnt even notice I was crying. I missed notti so much and he would always know the trick to cheering me up but I'm all on my own now. I'm pretty sure ddot wouldn't bother to talk to me either. No ddot, no notti, just me, alone again.
DDOT POV SWITCH
I knew I was stupid and foolish for feeling upset but I just couldn't believe he led me on this far. Maybe I should've listened to my right mind and avoided him. Maybe I should've never went to that party or never even came in contact with him. Maybe I should have kept my feelings in a safe place and not in a possibility of being hurt. I was so done with life, I didn't want to be here anymore. No one needs or wants me here. I could easily go and live long in a happy afterlife, or I could stay in this hell of a place called earth and stretch through the pain. I miss being a little kid, not having to give a fuck in the world about what people think or give a fuck about my mental health, not having to give a fuck about the cruel society around me.
These recent days are miserable and dreadful. Drained and tired everyday. Not just mentally but physically also. Always having to fake a smile, and be happy for others when really I was just this depressed person that couldn't accept the fact that I was an actual human being. I wish I could accept myself before anyone else could but it would never be that way.
I'll forever be this way.
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Sorry it took so long for the update but hope y'all enjoyed, had a little vent sesh Ig😭 thanks for the reads also keep reading this story y'all are my motivation fr .💯
