Everything you never had: on hold

25

"mommy" her little voice squeaked.

i slowly opened my eyes to be greeted with his grey hues staring back at me. Sophia stood in front of me, her face smeared with chocolate whilst a clump of hair rested at the top of her head.

A small twinge of pain struck each nerve inside of me looking at her, how she looked so much like her father. Her father that she had no knowledge about.

i couldn't bring myself to tell her after all the lies i had to create, all the lies she had to hear and that now her father wanted to see her even take her away from me. i just couldn't.

"did grandpa make pancakes again" i said putting on the biggest smile for her.

sophia returned the grin.

"let's get you cleaned up" sighing as i got up from my bed.

*****

"you're up early" my fathers face beamed watching as i made my way to the counter top.

ever since Sophia's birthday party and Damien finding out, he has been nothing but patient with me. My father never once asked what had happened that day, only held me close when tears fell from my face.

i couldn't help admire him for his patience something which my mother never had with me when it came to finding out who was Sophia's father or what would happen if he was to ever find out.

no, all she would do is pick at me enough for me to vomit out everything just for her to leave me alone.

i sometimes questioned how the two of them ever lasted 20 years of marriage before calling it quits.

my shoulders rose at my fathers remark and made my way to the coffee machine. "she didn't give you much trouble today?" i questioned.

My father laughed "she's an angel" pinching my daughters cheeks.

"do you have any plans for the day" he asked clearing up the plates and putting them inside the dishwasher.

"I'm meeting up with an old friend" i mumbled pouring my coffee.

it had been a while since i last spoke with Gabriel after what had happened and it was all my fault. if i had the balls to tell Damien before he found had to find out for himself, Gabriel wouldn't have been in this situation.

the more i ignored talking to him and apologising the more the bubble of guilt that rested inside of me grew.

" good morning everyone" we all turned as we heard the door slam shut.

Axel walked in the a brown bag filled with baked goods.

i had met Axel a long time ago when i was previously living with my mother. after i had given birth to Sophia a had wanted to return to college to get a degree in economics.

we had sat next to each other for the first few months in class before being paired up together, finally breaking the awkwardness and that's when we became close friends.

and when he found out about Sophia he had been nothing but supportive making me appreciate him even more.

"uncle Ax!" Sophia exclaimed jumping out of her seat.

"Hey buddy" reaching out his arms to pick her up onto a hug " how's my little worm" he said whilst tickling her making her wriggle.

Sophia's laugh filled the kitchen creating a huge smile to rest on my face as i stared at them.

Axel walked up towards me resting Sophia on his hip "how you doing today" he grinned.

"great" i beamed moving to place my cup in the sink "i was thinking since you're hear, you could drop me off somewhere and have a fun day with Sophia"

"oh i can't- "

"YAY a fun day" Sophia squirmed in his grip.

He turned to look at me and i couldn't help but laugh and muttered "thank you"

*****

my fingers froze in a fist debating whether or not i should knock on his door.

a small voice in my mind screamed at me to knock to just get it over and done with while the other told me to run. the same voice that had told me to run from every decision i had to face.

finally having the courage, i knocked waiting for some sign of life inside. i waited for a while before knocking again.

some part of me hoped he wouldn't answer but had disappeared when i heard the fumbling of his keys.

the door flew open but it was a completely different person than he was at work. Gabriel no longer had need short hair but instead it had grew untamed. his eyes lost there green glow as they stared at my direction whilst a growing beard formed on his face.

Gabriel was about to shut the door just as i reached my foot inside preventing him from doing so.

"listen to me" i urged as he tried closing the door.

"move your foot away from the door" he gritted hurting my foot "i don't want to see you or listen to what you have to say"

"Gabriel please" i urged " i know what i did was fucked up but please just listen to me".

"there's nothing you can say to me Athena" Gabriel stated " your little secret cost me my fucking job"

"i know and i'm unbelievably sorry but please just give me a moment to explain".

"Athena you being here isn't making my situation any better, i should have never kept your secret".

"i promise" i started swallowing the lump that rested deep in my throat "i promise to get you your job back just please listen to me"

Gabriel sighed for a moment staring at the floor " you have 5 minutes to explain".

i felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off my chest "thank you".

"well go on" he urged.

"i was going to tell him believe me i was but it all happened so fast, he wasn't supposed to be there at her birthday party, i have no idea why he was there in the first place but i can't change that"

" this still doesn't explain how you're going to get my job back"he said leaning against the door.

"can you trust me"

"i've lost all trust in you Athena. nothing you can do can change that and until you get me my job back, i don't want to see you here, now go away" he said before slamming the door in my face.

i turned to leave to find Axel standing outside his car.

"how long have you been waiting for" i mumbled as i walked towards him.

"not long enough" he smiled "are you alright?"

"i'm fine" i said leaning my head against my shoulder.

Axel wrapped his hands around my body pulling me into a hug "everything will be fine, don't worry"

"we can hope" i said sighing

i couldn't help but feel a small light glow inside the darkness that lay inside and for once it felt nice.