Everything you never had: on hold

28

we both stood in silence to stunned to speak.

i watched as he faced morphed from annoyance to something horrible. how his brows met in the middle or how his jaw seemed to lock in place.

"what did you do" he gritted out each word.

"i- i-i" my words falling out of my mouth.

" you come to my house and accuse my son of  impregnating you" Mr Fitzgerald spat.

i became still for a moment "i would do no such thing".

"what do you want money?"

"no no i want to speak with Damien" my voice becoming clearer. i wasn't going to let him step all over me like i was trash.

His mouth grew into a snarl "over my dead body, you think a girl like you is good for my son" towering over me " i don't care if you think the baby is his, i will not let you ruin his life"

"now leave"

"No" i commanded  " i won't leave, not until i see him"

"then you leave me no choice"

suddenly i felt slender fingers lace themselves around my forearm pulling me away from the door.

as the rain began to pour i couldn't remember what had happened next. how a stranger dragged my arm pulling away my body what could have been my future.

how i would never know what could've been that day, how Damien would have reacted to the news.

it was all gone.

"if you ever show your face again" i could faintly hear from the distant " i will personally ruin what little pathetic life you have"

"i won't forgive you for this"

"your forgiveness means nothing to me just like you or that thing you claim to be my sons mean to me" 

from that day i swore to myself  that i would make him pay no matter what it took.

******
The moment i had returned home i had already made a decision on what i should do.

my phone rested on my lap staring at my mothers number too afraid to call the woman who raised me.

it wasn't the fact that i was going to tell my mother i was pregnant that made me afraid, it was the response and the never ending lecture i was about to receive that made my stomach turn.

my mother and father were total opposites.

one would approach things in a gentle way, make sure you felt comfortable before speaking where the other would threaten you until you couldn't handle it anymore.

taking in the deep breath i pressed the numbers in front of me and waited.

waited for what felt like an eternity and just when i thought i had an excuse to call another day her voice appeared on the other line.

"hello? Athena ?" i could hear her say.

"hello mama"

*********

"do you really want to live with your mother" my Father questioned as he swept the living room floor.

today was his third day trying to sober up and he seemed more determined this time around.

i gave him a smile "you know i need to do this, i have to focus on myself and the baby, plus mama has more experience than you"

"i helped raising you and look how amazing you turned out"

"sure amazing and pregnant" placing my hand on my stomach.

"that doesn't matter" my father said "promise me you won't let this stop you, Athena this isn't a set back but a blessing so don't let it stop you from doing great things.
now promise me".

"i promise"

"there's also on more thing i need you to promise"

i rose a brow "and what that be"

my father gripped onto his broom as he spoke "i want you to return home in five years time"

"dad-"

"please Athena, when you have done with studying i want you to return to me".

i couldn't help but wrap my arms around my gentle father, how no matter what the situation is or how he may feel, he's always looking out for me.

"i promise papa"

******

As i sat in my room with a pen in my hand i began to write.

to write to the one person i wanted to live the rest of my life with a page full of lies.

that's all there will be on this piece of paper.

on the ink, on each line, each would, each letter.

Lies.

The moment the met met with the paper it all came flooding.

Dear Damien,

By the time you receive this letter i will be long gone.

my mother had called telling me how much she had missed me and how she preferred that i go to a college closer to her.

all i wanted to say in this letter was thank you and goodbye.

it has been a pleasure to meet you and what we had was fun but sadly that's all it was and i hope you can understand.

there's was no easy way of saying this so i thought i was write it instead.

so, goodbye for now

Athena x.

once i had finished the letter i could hardly stop the tears from falling down.

i didn't want this, i didn't want any of this to happen but i had no choice.

So i chose the only option and that was to Run to run away from everything and never look back because looking back would only lead to heartache, to pain, something i couldn't risk on having.

i needed to be strong.

not only to myself but to the small human that grew inside of me, because if there was one thing i could do is be a mother and that was enough to cure any pain.

I got up from my seat looking for Damien's jacket.

i searched it looking for any sign of his DNA that remained on it until i was lucky to find two hairs where i rolled them in tissue and made my way to a clinic.

the moment i was done, i Gave them Mr Fitzgerald Address and would patiently wait for a reply.