Everything you never had: on hold

15

My body felt sore the whole walk to the office.

Sophia had dragged me on every possible ride and some weren't pleasant to say the least. Leaving marks on my forearms and thighs.

Gabriel waited for me on the first floor which seemed unusual. He would normally arrive at my desk five minutes I had gotten in to give me my work.

"Is everything alright" my face scrunched in confusion. Suddenly the thought of Damien rose to mind and my eyes instantly widened "did something happen to Damien, is he alright?".

"Yes, yes" Gabriel mumbled, easing my troubled self before he began again "he just sent me to get you"

"I don't understand why?" I asked, my brows raising in question.

Gabriel only shrugged " I have no idea, but he doesn't seem happy. So whatever it is fix it before he ruins all our day" he grumbled as if I was the cause of Damiens emotions.

****

Everyone seemed to be in a stiff mood walking past each other. The space too awkward to be natural and too weary to be comfortable.

My heels clicked on the floor. The only loud noise you could here as I made my way to the double oak doors.

I stood in front of them bracing my hands for a knock when the doors suddenly flung open letting out the smell of strong callings and old wood.

Damien toward over me, his eyes scanning the surface around him before they found mine. "You wanted to see me" my brows arched in question but his brows only furrowed down on displeasure.

"Come inside" his words laced in a command as he turned to return in his office. It seemed to be colder than usual with his unexpected mood causing my skin to prick up in goosebumps.

I waited for a moment preparing the questions I would ask in my mind whilst I stared at the windows hoping they would give some distraction from this dense mood "I just-"

"How much did my father pay you" Damien quickly cut me off.

My back unconsciously stiffened at his sudden words.

Wait. What?

"I don't know what your talking about" gulping down the lump of lies that rested on the tip of my tongue.

Who told him? I knew 100% that his father wouldn't open his filthy mouth about this situation nor his step mother and Gabriel wouldn't have known?

Damien took long strides towards me. The anger he held inside for so long finally let itself go "don't. Lie. To me Athena" his low tone sending danger signs in my mind.

"My father sent you half a million dollars in your bank account. Now what I want to know is why he sent you it and no more bullshit answers"

My body remained stiff. No words could form as if I had forget the entire alphabet.

Not. Now. I repeated in my mind.

I couldn't tell him now. The hole that I had dug for myself was already far too deep, I could no longer see the beginning or the end.

"Damien" a hushed tone echoed the silent room "there's nothing to say"

"Please" he sighed " I'm tired of you hiding things away from me. First the letter and now this" There was a pause in his words.

Quietness crept in on us both as we watched each other. The look of broken trust covered his grey eyes and I wouldn't blame him, couldn't blame him. The amount of lies I had piled up just to protect myself made me a coward.

Made me afraid to open up to anyone and used lies and excuses to create my own way out and that was exactly what I was doing right this moment. Lying.

Damiens arms reached out to me grabbing both my shoulders. They gently rested there. They always were.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me why" he whispered and I wanted to break. "When you left, you took a part of my soul with you. Now all I want from you is to give it me back"

"Tell me why you left, tell me why this money. Please just tell me and let me finally rest"

I opened my mouth to speak "I left because your father didn't want me around you" the first truth.

"He gave me money to start again, create a new beginning for myself" another truth.

"And it was so easy for you to take" Damien scoffed dropping his hands to his sides "was that money worth it all? Was it worth our time".

"Yes" lie number one.

His eyes wondered to mine but I couldn't meet his " the money he gave you was more valuable than our love?"

"I didn't love you" another lie "there was no our love Damien there was only yours" my mouth wouldn't stop "why do you think it was so easy for me to take all that money. Come on it's half a million and to give it up all because of a summer fling?"

God I hated myself. I hated what I was doing to him, what I was doing to everyone around me all to protect this one secret.

I wanted to kick and scream at myself. To tell me how stupid and pathetic I was at this moment as I watched the hurt in his eyes appear.

"Then why bother leaving a note." He ground his teeth together. "Why bother do anything at all Athena?"

I couldn't speak.

With a simple nod Damien began to move, walking behind his desk to open a drawer. He took out a small rectangular note book and pen and began writing on it.

"If it was money you wanted all along" he said through scribbles until they stopped ripping that piece out of the note book and heading my way again.

"Here you go" grabbing my hand and shoving that price inside my palm.

I looked down to see the scrunched up cheque in my palm "Damien" my voice cracked.

"I don't want to hear my name come out your mouth anymore from now on it's Mr Fitzgerald" Damiens spoke his words giving me frost bite.

"We have cleared up with this conversation or is the cheque not enough for you?"

My head rested on my shoulders frightened if I looked up pools of tears would flood the room.

"I-" but the words got stuck in my throat.

"Get out" he demanded and I only nodded.