Colossal Damage

44 . Black hole theory

"You scared me. " Carter lifts our intertwined hand above our heads. I shift my head that rests on his shoulder and look up at them . The light from the TV covers our hands in its subtle glow . I sigh and turn my head to look at him .

"I scared me too ." His eyes soften when they bore into mine . I presume mine reflect my fear .

"You know you can talk to me ." I nod and turn to wrap my body around his . I rest my head on his chest and my legs tangle with him . He raises the blanket around us and strokes my arm gently . I let out a yawn and he kisses the top of my head gently .

"I had a nightmare . A voice was screaming for my help.  It was London's ." I shiver as I recall the pain in her voice .

"Then it turned into her belittling me I guess . I woke up having a panic attack . I took a sip of water which led to me choking . I threw up all the while not being able to breath . Everything started spinning . That little bit of light got drowned by pure darkness . And , I let it consume me whole . I passed out , maybe hit my head on the sink . When I woke up I just had this pain . It was more of an internal pain not my head but I don't really know how to explain it. "I clear my throat and take in a deep breath . I'm not sure how he'd react to the fact I'd ignored him .

"I was covered in my vomit and there was blood . I couldn't see , but I smelt it . My vision was barely there . I felt so vulnerable.  I heard you call . But,  I couldn't get up to get my phone ." I look up at him to gauge his reaction  as I say the next part .

"I ignored your shouting . I couldn't let you see me like that ." I close my eyes tightly. I feel his chest rise and then fall . He pushes me gently off his body . He is mad . I lay on my back and he lays besides me. He turns to lay on his side and stares me down .

"And so you chose to let me worry about you the whole day. "He curses under his breath and runs his hands through his hair .

"Carter -" He sits up and stares down at me .

"You could have bleed to death ." He whispers shouts .

"But I didn't." I state firmly.  He rolls his eyes and scoffs .

"That is besides the point here . I am your boyfriend . I've got to go through the hard times with you . If this is going to work!" I flinch when he raises his voice slightly.

"I don't want to be a burden on you. My situations are going to put a strain on us ." I sit up and try to take his hands but he refuses .

"No , you're gonna put a strain on us ! This thing you have going on.  You can not do it alone.  Paris , I'm here . I'm here . I signed up for the whole 'shlubam' when I asked you out . I'm here ." He pleads with me . He shuts his eyes and his lips press into a firm line .

"I'm like a black hole , Carter . I don't want to consume you ." I look down at my hands.  Soft tears fall down my cheeks  ,and I brush them away.  I feel the blanket shift and I feel myself being pulled.  He pulls me into his arms until I'm sitting on his lap .

"That is not your choice to make . I choose . It's my life , my choice ... not yours . And do you know what I say to all of this ?" He lifts my head up and uses the pad of his thumb to dry my tears .

"I say consume me . "I break down and he pulls me closer . He rubs my back softly as I wet his shirt with my tears .

"You're going to have to get used to this, Paris . For once in your life let someone take care of you . "I choke on my tears and he hugs me tighter .

"If anything I'm the black hole . Dude ,out of all the boys out there you chose the bad influence . The bad boy ." He chuckles to himself .

"What can I say you've consumed me..." His chest vibrates with a light , hearty laugh under me .

"15 . Get consumed by your favourite Black hole ." His hands quote his words and we both let out breathy laughs .

"Tick ." He shakes his head at me and rolls us over so we're snuggled nose to nose .

"When two black holes collide they emerge to form a larger one . "I feel his breath against my lips as he says these words .

"That will cause colossal damage ." I crinkle my nose .

"Then colossal damage we shall cause ..." He leans forward to kiss my nose . I sigh and feel like an elephant has been lifted from my chest .

AN: difficult conversations , but I think they handled it pretty well .

xoxo

L2007